To think ds was entitled to say the teacher was wrong

[challengerequired]

Ds has an EHCP and as a consequence has a teaching assistant in some lessons.
Today this teaching assistant kept him behind after one lesson because ds had told her that he thought her answer to a question was wrong. She told him never to do that again, as it would confuse the girl next to him.
Aibu to be annoyed? 1 - because I think she's his TA so the other girl doesn't really come into it
2 - because a child should not be discouraged from challenging opinions? I think she should have used it as an opportunity to ask him why he thought she was wrong - get a conversation out of it?

[Mollymalone123]

Always get both sides of the story.always!

[Babymeanswashing]

I think in theory it’s fine but to be honest a know it all piping up constantly is going to get wearing even though they might be ‘right.’

[Branleuse]

Also when you say kept him behind after lesson, what do you mean.
5 minutes after lesson to have a quick chat about how best to tell someone theyve made a mistake without disruption, or an actual detention?

my kids all have SEN and two of them have/had EHCPs. This doesnt mean they are exempt from discipline or expectations of politeness etc, but it does affect how it would be dealt with.

from what youve said, it sounds a bit like a non-issue. I try and only get involved if my child is getting distressed by one of their methods that i think isnt working and it isnt just a one off.

[NailsNeedDoing]

Obviously, it’s all about tone and context and you weren’t there so you can’t know.

What you said about the other girl not coming into it is wrong, of course she comes into it even if your ds does have an allocated 1-1. The funding for that TA doesn’t come purely for your ds, it has to be funded by the school as well which means that the TA would be perfectly right to consider her even if she didn’t have an automatic right to consideration from the adults at her school.

[CutieBear]

What was the question? Was the teacher actually wrong? HOW did your DS question the teacher? Was he rude and disruptive?

[CutieBear]

Also, sometimes teachers purposefully make a mistake on the board to check if children are concentrating and can recognise errors.

[SmileyClare]

It's worth noting that a Learning Support Assistant isn't a teacher. You can be employed as a TA or LSA with no qualifications except a pass in gcse Maths and English.

Assistants therefore won't necessarily deal with situations as a teacher with years of training would. They get things wrong, they aren't necessarily equipped to teach a concept well and they may not manage a child's behaviour as a teacher would.

That said, don't fall into the trap of always taking your son's side and refusing to acknowledge he may be at fault. It won't help him in life at all.

[Butteredtoast55]

I would also say that part of the TAs role when working with a child with an EHCP is to support them in navigating relationships with others, especially as the child gets older. This includes communication. The relationship shouldn't be that they are joined at the hip with the TA solely focused on the child at all times and being seen as his: it isn't healthy.
In principle an adult shouldn't be telling a child to never correct them again if this is what happened. However, his EHCP will have clear targets - maybe one of these is learning to express himself appropriately to adults and peers...we don't know and it would be good to have more information.

[FlemCandango]

I have a DS with ASD and he has corrected teachers all his life. He is a 6th former now. He has been described as belligerent, disruptive and some teachers have found him a challenge. He is always polite but he won't chill out about things. If something is "wrong" he needs it acknowledged and accepted before he can move on. He doesn't really acknowledge hierarchy, so if someone is wrong or factually incorrect or there has been an injustice he will point it out. It is going to cause him all sorts of complications in employment. That said the majority of his teachers love him for his honesty and earnestness.

[rwalker]

I'd trust the teacher

[Flipflopblowout]

I would get the TA's version of events. I don't know that entitled is a good word to use here.

[GoddessKali]

I agree - unfortunately a lot of people, inc those who work with children seem to be of the belief that their opinion is not as important as their or that children are automatically wrong and they’re right.
Pisses me right off!
So many children see stuff we don’t and have a much better perspective on things.

[rainbowstardrops]

You're only hearing one side of the story and not a complete account from even that side by the sounds of it.
I wouldn't go complaining just yet.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

Talk to the teacher calmly first. Explain what version of the events was given to you, what your child got from it(that he can never challenge the TA again -which is wrong in my opinion) and can she/he have a chat,find out what happened and sort it out.


In Maths I get things wrong sometimes. I solve all the questions on the spot and sometimes in a rush I get things wrong. If a child gives me a book with a different answer I always say let's have a look and see where what might've gone wrong. Most of the times I'm right (obviously) but sometimes they are and I give them praise and make a fuss. 1.it teaches them to check and retrace their steps and 2.it teaches them to accept they made a mistake graciously and that it's not a big deal / or if they are right to not gloat over it or be sneery about it.

[picturesandpickles]

@rwalker

I'd trust the teacher

What all teachers, always? That would be pretty naive.

I would find out more and then make a judgment.

[rwalker]

@picturesandpickles
granted teacher don't always get it right .Lest look at the big picture it's a difficult job and parents undermining them doesn't help .

[picturesandpickles]

[quote rwalker]@picturesandpickles
granted teacher don't always get it right .Lest look at the big picture it's a difficult job and parents undermining them doesn't help .[/quote]
Asking questions is not undermining.

I was a teacher. That is why I would not just automatically trust teachers - I have seen how many times they are not getting it right. Parents have a key role to play in supporting senior leadership by flagging areas of concern.

A good teacher making a mistake is one thing, a bad teacher getting it wrong repeatedly is something else.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

[quote rwalker]@picturesandpickles
granted teacher don't always get it right .Lest look at the big picture it's a difficult job and parents undermining them doesn't help .[/quote]
Telling a child that they can't point out something is wrong, particularly a SEN child, doesn't help either.

There is balance to be had and I don't think OP questioning this is undermining the teacher or TA.

[TheHumanSatsuma]

@Mintsmints

My DH is a teacher he was selling me today he got something wrong and was pulled up by a kid. He has laughed told the kid well done and said it just shows everyone makes mistakes even us fantastic teachers. The class had laughed and then they carried one.

The perfect way to deal with it.
👌😀

[rwalker]

To me it sound like he contradicted her he was wrong and confused girl next to him .
Keeping kids back is a pain in the arse so wouldn't presume it's unwarranted .
There no mention of ongoing issues with standard of teacher so I would take it a face value .

[honeylulu]

More context/detail needed.

A pupil should be able to query a teacher's error. But politely! My son with ASD and ADHD has no filter and in his primary days would have yelled it out, interrupting, and perhaps adding "you're stupid" for good measure. Obviously unacceptable in the mode of delivery and we/his teachers have successfully worked on that so he can now communicate in an appropriate way.

But if your son was polite in his challenge then teacher was in the wrong. The teachers at my (small, private if that's relevant) primary were very much of the "respect your elders and betters at all costs" which silently infuriated me. I didn't understand why querying something politely was wrong and "answering back".

One time we had a French lesson and the teacher taught us that the French word for lettuce was "salade". It actually isn't - that is a generic word for salad. A girl in our class had a French mother and spoke fluent French. When we had our test at the end of the week she put in the correct word for lettuce, I presume automatically. The teacher went ballistic in front of the class, telling her that she was a "know it all" and how dare she try and humiliate her. I remember thinking "but Stephanie is right - the only person who embarrassed you is yourself by carrying on like this". I told my parents later and they agreed with the teacher! This was the early 80s and I really hope things are different now.

[challengerequired]

Just to add some context, he's 14 and on the spectrum.

[Newmumatlast]

@lostlife that's a little rude.

[SmileyClare]

just to add some context he's 14

I think most posters assumed he was in primary school, hence advising you to speak to the TA or teacher.

It's a different ball game when nearing the end of secondary education. I'm not sure your son would appreciate his mum coming into school to sort out an issue like this. Is it really such an issue?

Autism often causes a real need for things to be factually correct, sometimes missing the intended meaning of language: e.g. sarcasm or irony where saying the wrong thing is intentional.

Wanting to prove yourself right doesn't give a person a right to talk to others disrespectfully, or interrupt rudely.
It might be worth emphasising the societal norms in situations like this with your son.

You could e-mail his assistant if you need clarity. I don't think I'd escalate this unless there were further issues or clashes between TA and ds.