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AIBU?

To think ds was entitled to say the teacher was wrong

139 replies

challengerequired · 14/05/2021 23:21

Ds has an EHCP and as a consequence has a teaching assistant in some lessons.
Today this teaching assistant kept him behind after one lesson because ds had told her that he thought her answer to a question was wrong. She told him never to do that again, as it would confuse the girl next to him.
Aibu to be annoyed? 1 - because I think she's his TA so the other girl doesn't really come into it
2 - because a child should not be discouraged from challenging opinions? I think she should have used it as an opportunity to ask him why he thought she was wrong - get a conversation out of it?

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Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 05:16

Was it a straight forward right or wrong answer, like something she spelled wrong? And was he right or wrong? Because if he was wrong and just kept arguing with the teacher, then he was being rude. If he correct, or just had a different opinion in something, then I think that's fine.

Sorehandsandfeet · 15/05/2021 05:39

This happened my son who has asd and is very bright, he kept correcting his teacher's spelling when he was 7. She actually implied to me that he shouldn't be so confident, even though his corrections were correct and that angered me. I then said to her that, instead of taking her to task in front of the other children, he would say to her privately instead out of value of her position. He agreed to do that. I think it was undermining to her as she was a great teacher that just couldn't spell but didn't like that she would wish for my son to be less confident in his ability.

Saltyslug · 15/05/2021 05:57

It depends if he was being rude or not

Totally fine to correct a teacher if they are incorrect

sunshinesontv · 15/05/2021 06:04

It turns out you don't know very much about what happened. Find out the full story before getting worked up. I'd support a TA who told him not to challenge her in that way again, if he was an arsehole about it. Not ok to be disrespectful or disrupt learning, and a useful life skill to learn too.

Mudandrain · 15/05/2021 06:17

As a teacher, I have made mistakes on the board and my class have corrected me. I think it is fine and normally laugh it off or say I was testing them. I have no problem with a child telling me I'm wrong.

Bluntness100 · 15/05/2021 06:19

As the others have said, I understand why you’ve jumped to being all defensive of him and on the attack over her, but I think you need to find out both sides and understand exactly what occured.

Geamhradh · 15/05/2021 06:24

@challengerequired

I agree with all of you that I need to find out more about context, tone etc
But I still think even without that that for her to say that he should never challenge her again, or for him to have got that message, is wrong - if it was how he spoke then that should have been addressed, not the challenge in principle

If that's what she said.

Geamhradh · 15/05/2021 06:27

The fact that the girl next to him was brought into the conversation sounds almost as if something was being explained directly to her by the teacher and your son interrupted.

The only way you'll find out is by asking.

I'm a teacher and if I got something wrong, I wouldn't mind being told, or asked to check. Appropriately, of course.

roguetomato · 15/05/2021 06:44

Is that really the reason if he was kept behind? Does the ta have authority to keep a child in without the class teacher's agreement?
If the teacher has agreed, then it really sound unlikely what he did was just telling her the answer was wrong. There must be more context in this.

picturesandpickles · 15/05/2021 06:47

@challengerequired

I agree with all of you that I need to find out more about context, tone etc
But I still think even without that that for her to say that he should never challenge her again, or for him to have got that message, is wrong - if it was how he spoke then that should have been addressed, not the challenge in principle

I think if that was the meaning, I agree with you.

I have one child very good at maths. In primary their teacher one year was genuinely poor at maths. She also used to tell him to stop correcting - but she was factually wrong, so he found this really frustrating!

Some teachers are pretty old-fashioned, so I would try to find out more and also maybe chat with the class teacher too about the issue.

howtocomplain · 15/05/2021 06:48

If it was about his tone then this should have been explained to him clearly, and it obviously hasn't been. Meaning it's either not about his tone or a better explanation is needed.

Cindy87 · 15/05/2021 06:54

There are ways of saying you disagree with someone. I'm guessing your son probably said it in a way that meant the TA felt the need to keep him behind.

Also, she isn't his TA - it doesn't work like that.

Sometimes how kids report stuff back isn't exactly how it happened. I say that as both a parent and a teacher.

midnightstar66 · 15/05/2021 06:57

Also, she isn't his TA - it doesn't work like that.

It certainly does where I work?!

Spikeyball · 15/05/2021 07:01

It's fine to say that something is wrong and if a child is doing the telling in the wrong way then it is an opportunity to teach them how to tell people they have made a mistake politely. You do get some children who are deliberately being rude but then it is a matter of dealing with that rather than saying they shouldn't have said anything.

Melitza · 15/05/2021 07:08

Also, she isn't his TA - it doesn't work like that.

@Cindy87 it does where my niece is.

Branleuse · 15/05/2021 07:17

considering that its pretty hard to get an EHCP for a child then his needs must be significant, and id say that it could well be that he would need leniency for tone of voice infractions sometimes.
How old is he, and what was he saying that the LSA was wrong about?

on the face of it, I dont think it was appropriate to keep him back for challenging what the LSA said, but if it was especially rude or confrontational, then maybe she wanted to have a word about that.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 15/05/2021 07:18

Have a memory of when I was 6, my year 1 teacher writing "What is this- see me?" in my book when I had written "ermine" (writing about a stoat). I explained to her after and she hadn't heard of it. Suppose you couldn't just google it back then!

Imreaaaaady · 15/05/2021 07:20

Your thread is pointless without telling us whether the teacher was wrong.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 15/05/2021 07:20

Stoatly different.

To think ds was entitled to say the teacher was wrong

Happymum12345 · 15/05/2021 07:39

TA’s who are there for one pupil are still an adult in the classroom and other children are entitled to ask from help from them occasionally-they don’t belong solely to the pupil they’re supporting. It’s not how it works.
Definitely speak to the TA before you accept everything as facts.

SavoyCabbage · 15/05/2021 07:42

she's his TA so the other girl doesn't really come into it
That's unreasonable of you. She can't ignore the other children! No Lucy I will not help you, only George. That would create quite an isolating situation for your child.

Can't your son remember what it was she got wrong?

cansu · 15/05/2021 07:47

He was probably rude when he said it.

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Whataroyalannoyance · 15/05/2021 07:48

I get things wrong all the time in class. Its fast moving and I'm looking after 28 people. The child who puts their hand up and asks if I'm sure I spelt something correctly will always get a positive response. The child who shouts out, or call out over another child to say its wrong will not always have the positive response.
Also, as happened this week, in a lesson where all children are doing mental maths for instance and I have 1 or 2 who can not (for their own reasons) grasp concepts, I will adapt. I let them stay with written as I know their ability. A child in the class telling me, by yelling out, that I'm not doing the right thing, will be spoken to directly about their attitude and possibly told to not question what I'm doing.

Branleuse · 15/05/2021 07:50

@Cindy87

There are ways of saying you disagree with someone. I'm guessing your son probably said it in a way that meant the TA felt the need to keep him behind.

Also, she isn't his TA - it doesn't work like that.

Sometimes how kids report stuff back isn't exactly how it happened. I say that as both a parent and a teacher.

Many children do have an LSA that is employed just to work with that child one to one as per their EHCP, but that doesnt mean they wouldnt help other children in the class when necessary

newnortherner111 · 15/05/2021 07:50

Questioning is fine, how you question may not be.

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