My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 3)

[workworkworkugh]

Link to part 2:

My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 2) http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4223467-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-part-2

Someone recommended I start another thread. I was a bit hesitant to do so I will admit.
I truly thought this would have been over in January, but here we are

Seriously, if you allow her onto your property you're playing right into her hands. She knows what she's doing. You absolutely have to ban her from the house because her behaviour towards you has been completely unforgiveable - rude and abusive - quite apart from the way she is slowly destroying your son.

'No, we are not comfortable having her in our home, her behaviour has hurt us too much' calmly and assertively and then don't engage with it any further - she doesn't get to come and stay at your house after the way she has acted. I wonder if her mum has had enough of them?

I agree with what Mulholland has said, "her behaviour and death threats (do please remind of this) have caused us a lot of distress, I will not expose your siblings to her behaviour in their own home, where we should all be able to feel safe, she is not welcome in this house.

I like Pashazade’s phrasing. I’d go with that OP.

I'd say no and go grey rock. Any reason you give won't be logically received. At most I'd say "I'm sure you understand why we won't be comfortable with that".

Hell no! You're being forced to have her in your life, but you do not need to have her in your house. She knows she's not welcome. She's just trying to invade your personal space.

I'd respond, "sorry DS, given our fractured relationship, your Dad has chosen to manage communication regarding your GF moving forwards. I just don't want to say or do the wrong thing sweetheart. Love you"

She won't argue when his Dad says no I bet.

*communication and decisions

Absolutely agree you shouldn't allow it; you have a duty to protect your other children from exposure to this. Some good suggestions as to how to phrase. Perhaps your DH should message and you can grey rock.

New thread?

Excellent suggestion from mumjustmum

@mumjustmum

I'd respond, "sorry DS, given our fractured relationship, your Dad has chosen to manage communication regarding your GF moving forwards. I just don't want to say or do the wrong thing sweetheart. Love you"

She won't argue when his Dad says no I bet.

This response is excellent, take away her power to blame you.

Your house is your son's safe haven from her. Does he even want you to have her there or does he feel he has to ?

@mumjustmum

I'd respond, "sorry DS, given our fractured relationship, your Dad has chosen to manage communication regarding your GF moving forwards. I just don't want to say or do the wrong thing sweetheart. Love you"

She won't argue when his Dad says no I bet.

This is perfect!!

Absolute screaming 'no' from me, too. I wouldn't stop him seeing her, and I would always be there for DS, but I would go absolute 'no cotnact' with her and her family. She has ruined many important family events of yours over the past year. A whole year of hell. If you want to go less confrontational, just 'no' or 'oh, that doesn't work with us' will suffice?

Stepping aside completely, and letting DH deal with anything to do with GF is a good idea.

I think the line
"No, I don't think that would be appropriate" coming from your DH would be a good one.

If he asks why it would be inappropriate then you pull out the abusive partner list and explain how you don't want his siblings to witness you being abused anymore than they already are.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

I’m with your DH.

Actions may speak louder than words and she may well be trying to make amends, but after her actions, you need to at least hear her attempt to say sorry.

That is me being charitable, by the way. In your shoes, I’d be saying ‘hell, no. Over my dead and lifeless body will she set foot in this house again’.

To quote from a well-known book "no dementor will cross the threshold of this castle while I am Headmaster". The more I think about it, the more appropriate it becomes. Soulless creature, draining every last ounce of happiness from everyone.

[quote workworkworkugh]@EmotionalSupportBear she'd never do it in person.
She literally runs away if she sees us in public. She'll be sweet as pie if she were to come over.
She's not welcome.
It might be the wrong decision, but the last bullshit was only a week ago, it's not forgiven.[/quote]
No way should you let her stay unless you're willing to sleep with one eye open! Seriously, after the threats she's made, having her in your house overnight could actually be dangerous.

OP, the thread is almost full. Lots of us want to keep supporting you, if you want to start another one.

Under no circumstances would I have that witch in my house under my roof
Just say to your DS that she can't stay and she isn't welcome in your house until she behaves appropriately and part of that is that she apologises for her behaviour. That puts the responsibility in her court as to whether she wants to stay or not and whether she wants to move on or not from her earlier behaviour

I wouldn’t believe a word that comes out of that b**es mouth, I can just imagine her mealymouthed apology to make you let her in the house!

She’s just itching to stir some shit.

She’s fixated on you and addicted to the drama.

She’s coming to gloat and watch you flinch - she needs your emotion. She wants to survey the damage she has caused.

Just caught up, can't believe this is still going on. She is sooo manipulative. What has struck me though is that you are remaining (mostly) calm and dependable, the very opposite of the gf. Deep down I think your DS really appreciates that.