Page 28 | My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 3)

workworkworkugh · 2021-05-14T21:24:32+00:00

Link to part 2: My 16yo DS and his girlfriend (Part 2) [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/4223467-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-part-2 http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am]][[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/4223467-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-part-2 i]]i_[[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amibeing_unreasonable/4223467-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-part-2 being_unreasonable/4223467-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-part-2]] Someone recommended I start another thread. I was a bit hesitant to do so I will admit. I truly thought this would have been over in January, but here we are [confused]

Orgasmagorical · 07/10/2021 14:25

Then she messaged DS and told him I'd messaged her and she can't handle it and she was going to kill herself, dump him and that she's spent too much on him so she's going to take it all back as she's not going to see him for his birthday

I can't remember if I've said this before but they'll do anything to spoil their victim's birthday.

Your DS is mad at you, workworkwork, because it's safer than being mad at her. He'll see eventually that you did nothing wrong, once he's away from her.

Reading her messages makes me think she's doing her dying fly thing, losing control a bit. It's good that you have them, she doesn't come across as rational. Good evidence to have, if ever needed. Hopefully not, obviously.

thequeenoftarts · 07/10/2021 14:43

Well which is it, is she gonna kill herself, not see him on his birthday, dump him or return his gifts.......I'd have replied well lets let DS choose which option you take there love

LookItsMeAgain · 07/10/2021 14:52

Why didn't he (when she sent her message to him) say "well, which are you doing because I need to know. Are you going to dump me and return whatever you've bought, do something more drastic or what?".

He has to start calling her out on the shit that she is pulling!

At this point in time, your son really needs to be told by you "Look. I didn't make these messages up. She started the conversation tonight, not me and she's clearly saying one thing to me and something else to you. While you might find it easier to be mad at me, I am not having you being mad at me for her actions and her texts and her messages. Be mad at her. We will be here for you whatever you do as we love you and we're your parents. It goes with the territory."
Speak to him. He's that little bit older now and you've put up with his mood swings (because of her) and his behaviour (because she is pulling his strings).

Amiwronghere · 07/10/2021 15:13

She is certifiable. Wtf.

Newmama29 · 07/10/2021 15:28

I am actually gobsmacked that a 16 year old girl things it’s appropriate to speak to her boyfriend’s mother like that! What a cheeky little bitch!

Williamshatnershorses · 07/10/2021 15:47

Wow, she really is appalling!

I agree with @LookItsMeAgain, you need to have a frank discussion with him about how you feel about it all. Then I’d bow out of it completely. I’d block her, or if you don’t want to go that far, I’d absolutely refuse to engage with her any more, as by doing so you just add fuel to her fire. Reiterate to him that you are his parents, you love him, support him etc but you are removing yourself from the situation.

It strikes me that it’s dealing with an alcoholic - he doesn’t want the help right now so everything you ultimately try only hurts you, no-one else. Just keep the door open, without engaging about the elephant in the room.

Mix56 · 07/10/2021 16:04

Has he actually seen the messages?
I'd say clearly to him, that you love him, & always will, however you dont love the way he is behaving, but she has taken away all his autonomy, all his independence, he listens to her poisoned words & blames you...
Nothing has changed at home, what has changed is that he is being suckered into her web of control & is now her puppet.
He can get mad & make accusations, but the reality is clear to see

Sitchervice · 07/10/2021 16:41

I wouldn't be shocked if you want to smack her one. The cheeky little bitch. Have you shown him the messages that show she's the one being the bitch.

WithMyEncyclopedia · 07/10/2021 17:24

Christ! She genuinely sounds like she's 11 or something. I'm cringing reading her messages, she sounds like a complete twat. Keep on keeping the high road!

Minfilia · 07/10/2021 18:08

Jesus, the tone of those messages.

Aggressive possessive and nasty little shit, isn’t she?

I’m genuinely dumbfounded that he sees anything in her

asprinklingofsugar · 07/10/2021 18:14

Okay I know she’s a teenager, but god what a bitch she is! It’s not that he doesn’t like you it’s that he’s fucking scared of her

laalaaland · 07/10/2021 18:34

Om my goodness! Your messages were completely reasonable.
Has your son read them or just heard her version? Make sure he reads them and ask him why it is ok that his girlfriend is so horrible to you.

This girl is just so so out of order. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this.

DeireadhFomhair · 07/10/2021 18:39

I lost you for a while there OP - sorry it's still going on. You should hold your head high with how well you've dealt with this - I know it wasn't easy.
Take care, keep doing what you're doing and hopefully soon your DS will come back to you.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 07/10/2021 18:42

I cannot fathom as to how someone can be so spectacularly bad at parenting for 16 years that they produce her and then back her up in all this.

Hungry675tf · 07/10/2021 18:46

Good grief, the balls on her!

It reads as though she has bated you into that by asking in the first place. Perhaps she was just looking for a reason to argue?

Agree he should see those messages. Hope he sees the light soon, for all your sakes.

Original poster

workworkworkugh · 07/10/2021 18:49

Yes he's seen the messages, I've sent him the screenshots, and he's still mad at me.
I'm sure he's smart enough to see that it's not me, it's her, but he just doesn't want us to be 'right'.

DH was furious and told DS a few home truths.
In a small nutshell, told DS to grow some balls and stand up for himself and he shouldn't be letting anyone talk to family like that.
Told him to stop blaming me for everything etc.

DS said he does stand up to her, we just don't know it, but we can't see how

OP posts:

QueenBee52 · 07/10/2021 18:50

She must know by now that everyone can see through her unstableness ...

She literally cannot bear the thought of everything being about him for even one day.. people wishing him Happy Birthday.. giving him Gifts ...

@Orgasmagorical is spot on.. She is doing everything possible to ruin his Birthday.. and its not even here yet

OP you have come so far.. I hope your coping better with all her manipulative drama ... a Tower of strength you must be 🌸

QueenBee52 · 07/10/2021 18:52

@workworkworkugh

Yes he's seen the messages, I've sent him the screenshots, and he's still mad at me. I'm sure he's smart enough to see that it's not me, it's her, but he just doesn't want us to be 'right'.

DH was furious and told DS a few home truths.
In a small nutshell, told DS to grow some balls and stand up for himself and he shouldn't be letting anyone talk to family like that.
Told him to stop blaming me for everything etc.

DS said he does stand up to her, we just don't know it, but we can't see how

Im glad your DH did this 🌸

rolyisntittimefor · 07/10/2021 18:59

Been following with interest OP. Sending you strength. That girl is truly poison. The audacity to be that rude!!

You've probably heard it to death but would/do her parents have anything to say about her being so utterly vile?

Hope your DS sees the light soon. I don't know what more you can do - it must be awful. Hang in there. X

Star81 · 07/10/2021 19:09

Having followed all of this I just have no idea what to even say. Her attitude is unbelievable

Original poster

workworkworkugh · 07/10/2021 19:17

@rolyisntittimefor her parents don't want to know.
DH wants to send them the screenshots but DS was near hysterical telling him not to as it just makes things worse.
DS told us that GF said her Dad hates us anyway for the last time and he's so mad at us for the things we were saying about her (not sure what as we were never nasty about her and only told the truth)

We think her Dad has never said that and that's just what she tells DS.

DH still wants to send them but doesn't want any repercussions for me so isn't sure what to do.

OP posts:

debwong · 07/10/2021 19:25

How dare she speak to you like that? I am raging on your behalf.

Very glad that DH has said something at last.

Hungry675tf · 07/10/2021 19:29

I think its absolutely right that her parents see them. How can anyone ignore the crazy in them?

What repercussions are you afraid of? Maybe breaking it down will help formulate a plan of how to deal with it all. It might help put some protective space around your sons birthday? long shot

Mulhollandmagoo · 07/10/2021 19:32

She is awful! Absolutely awful! Cheeky little madam, I'm shocked that she thought those messages would be OK 😲 how rude is she??? Spoilt, stroppy, nasty little girl. I wouldn't send the screenshots to her parents as they don't care, while she is draining the life out of your son they are getting some respite from her - but I would block her, tell your son that you don't deserve to be spoke to and treated like you have been and you're blocking her and removing yourself from the situation.

I hate to say this, but your son is also not covering himself in any glory here - being angry at you for those messages, you what the hell is his justification for that?? I hope he's pulled her up on that? I know how little you want to do this, but is it time to pull back from him a little too? No birthday plans, let him do as he pleases and don't put yourself out, either emotionally or financially. As little as possible day to day too? No laundry, no lifts or anything like that. The person who commented that it is like dealing with an alcoholic who doesn't want help is absolutely spot on - the only person who is getting hurt is you!

I cant imagine how hurt and angry you feel, you're so lovely and you've done everything with your sons best interests first this entire time, you're an excellent mum! I hope you're doing OK

Orgasmagorical · 07/10/2021 20:27

We think her Dad has never said that and that's just what she tells DS.

You're quite right, you cannot trust a single word that comes out of her mouth. She'll lie even when there's no need to.

I hate to say this, but your son is also not covering himself in any glory here - being angry at you for those messages, you what the hell is his justification for that?? I hope he's pulled her up on that?

He is the victim in an abusive relationship. It's not a normal relationship, his head is full of confusion - he won't know which way is up. The GF is manipulating him, and anyone else she can, to get her own way, which will never be enough. If OP had said she wasn't going to see her son for his birthday, GF could have it all, it still wouldn't have suited her. She will always be fighting against everyone, she will always be the victim, in her head.

The OP's son has to keep himself safe (although he'll not realise that's what he's doing at this stage, it's happening subconsciously) and if that means blaming his mum, that's what he will do. Also because he knows he is safe with his mum, if he was to stand up to the GF he would be severely punished by her - but DS was near hysterical telling him not to as it just makes things worse.