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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to tell on my sister?

69 replies

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 22:00

This evening I'm baby sitting for my siblings (Bro 8 and Sis 14). I rather naughtily read my sisters MSN conversations and got from them that she is planning to bunk off school tomorrow and go to Brighton (we're in Surrey) and then tomorrow night when she gets back that she is going to go out and get drunk!

I don't know whether I should talk to her about it or just tell my parents so they can stop her going by dropping her into school etc?

Advice please ladies. (I found out yesterday I'm having a baby girl and this stroppy teenage example of a girl makes me FAR less excited and enthusiastic than I was hehe)

OP posts:

DynamicNanny · 15/11/2007 22:08

I would tell your parents

bookofthedeadmum · 15/11/2007 22:09

Talk to her first - if you go to your parents first they'll hit the roof. She'll still be pissed off at you though.

hayCHingleBells · 15/11/2007 22:11

Will she not listen to you? If you talk to her

S1ur · 15/11/2007 22:14

Talk to her, I don't think the bunking the issue so much as haring off to brighton. with whom? will she be sfae? Give her a chance to explain and offer alternative maybe, tell her you're trusting her to make right choice, and hope she doesn't fuck it up!!!

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 22:16

I know she'll be pissed off at me but she did have her MSN screen open when I walked past and then when I sat down to check MN they were still open and I couldn't help but peek. I'm sure this will be deemed (and to be fair probably is) a big invasion of privacy.

However, if I didn't see her type WRECKED in caps then I wouldn't have looked! My concern is if I talk to her she might just say ok she won't do it and then if I don't tell my parents and she does do it I would feel very responsible.

My Step Dad is at a funeral tomorrow and coule really do without the stress if it can be avoided though...

OP posts:

S1ur · 15/11/2007 22:26

My sis went though very bad patch too, drinking, partying etc, she sorted eventually but it really got to my mum. Are you working tomorrow? Any chance you could check up on her? Oh I dunno, if you do sort this one then what about next time? I think you gotta hope she listens to advice about safety. Schools is important but safety first, drinking is bad but better in safe place.

BTW wahey for you gonna have little gorgeous girlie!!!!!

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 22:39

I am working tomorrow unfortunately otherwise I would stay in and make sure she gets her bum to school. I just don't like the thought of her being in Brighton, so far away or her drinking. She is a little dot and I can't imagine her being able to handle her drink too well! Even if she goes and does it anyway I think she should make sure I or someone know where she is in case of emergency if nothing else.

Think I'll speak to my Mum when she gets in, my parents are pretty reasonable, I was a hellish teenager so they are used to it.

Thank you, I am so excited about having a little girl, just going to forget she'll turn into a teenage girl!

OP posts:

BigGitDad · 15/11/2007 22:41

can you make out your mum saw the message on the computer? That would save her accusing you of grassing her.

RosaLuxMundi · 15/11/2007 22:45

I think you should tell. How are your parents likely to react? Or perhaps tell her you know what she is up to and try to have a talk about it. Either way, regardless of the rights and wrongs of having looked at her messages, you have the information now so I think you are obliged to act on it.

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 22:47

My Mum is out at a charidee ball tonight hence why I am here so it's not overly believable that she would have seen it.

OP posts:

madamez · 15/11/2007 22:48

I think sneaking on her and invading her privacy are bad ideas. A little chat with her about the importance of school and the fact that you are there if she has anything she wants to discuss is about as far as you can reasonably go (though if you routinely pry into her business she probably doesn;t trust you and she's probably not wrong.)

BigGitDad · 15/11/2007 22:49

Put it another way if something did happen you'd never forgive yourself, you have no choice really and in time it will all blow over anyway.

RosaLuxMundi · 15/11/2007 22:52

Madamez. The child is fourteen. She is pushing her boundaries. It is SO NOT OK to 'respect her privacy' by allowing her to bunk off school and get into god only knows what sort of trouble. She needs to know that her family love her enough not to let her get away with it.

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 22:53

Yeah I think I will just bite the bullet and be the bad guy, yes I probably shouldn't have looked at her MSN but she will leave it open! Plus she has previous of lying to our parents about stuff, school, going out etc and I know it's part of being a teenager but I worry about her. She's not the brightest girl in the world in the sense that she is intelligent but totally lacking any common sense at all.

madamez - I don't live with her and am not here often so it's certainly not a routine thing to pry on her.

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smeeinachristmastreeinnit · 15/11/2007 22:56

claphamlauren, tell your parents! your sis may "hate" you for a day or 2 but will one day realise its for the best.
when i was 14 my sister found out i was doing things i shouldnt and went behind my back and informed my parents,i hated her at the time for "spoiling my fun" but if she hadnt have done what she did i would very likely be dead now.
and yes she frequently reminds me of this 21 years on.....!!!

NorthernLurker · 15/11/2007 22:57

Your sister will not be impressed but you have to tell your parents. There is a whole list of undesirable scenarios that could arise from the bunking off/drinking thing. Added to which - if you say nothing you'll be on a very sticky wicket if your parents say to you (after they have been called to rescue your sister from wherever she fetches up) - 'did you know anything about it?'

S1ur · 15/11/2007 23:01

Getting the flavour here and changing sides, okay so tell but still have sis chat about wising up to messing about sensibly. She isn't going to stop drinking because she's grounded tomorrow but maybe she'll remeber something you said next time she's at a party and some geezers offering her another drink upstairs...

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 23:04

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!!

I thought I would just double check what it said before saying something out of place and she was talking about her and her boyfriend having sex. FUCK!

I want to cry!

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RosaLuxMundi · 15/11/2007 23:07

Oh no. Don't panic, she might be exaggerating to impress her mates. You definitely need to talk to her about it though.

nappyaddict · 15/11/2007 23:08

My sister once told on me and I've never forgiven her for it. IMO sisters should keep secrets. If I was you I would drop her off at school myself to make sure she gets there and say you will pick her up too. If this isn't possible say I couldn't help noticing your MSN conversation, are you sure this is a good idea blah blah blah.

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 23:08

It was a conversation with her boyfriend about how he couldn't believe they had only been together for 2 months and done everything!

OP posts:

S1ur · 15/11/2007 23:11

Yeah that is crap, poor little sister what's she up to??? could be a bluff but if not sorry to sound repetative but even more reason for the SAFETY talk!

RosaLuxMundi · 15/11/2007 23:13

Oh fuck. Go right ahead and panic. Where is she now? Is she asleep? You really need to talk to her about this. Do you think they used contraception?

NorthernLurker · 15/11/2007 23:17

tbh I don't think that makes things too much harder - and didn't you guess that this was what was going on anyway - tbh it usually goes along with the drinking etc
YOur parents need to know about the bunking off so they can intervene and keep your sister safe. The sex thing is a bit different although of course she needs to be safe. I think though that you could carry a lot of weight with her on that one in a way that you can't over the go to school converstaion. Am I making any sense?
At some not too distant point I would say to your sister that you've noticed she and b/friend are very close and a) has she felt able to make choices that are about her - not somebodys expectations of her and b) has she got sorted out with contraception. I think you need to be very blunt and check she is thinking about HPV and stds as well as pregnancy.

Original poster

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 23:37

Mentioned the drinking and school stuff to my step Dad as he just got in and will talk to Mum in morning about how to cover off the sex issuse. Jesus I hope she used contraception. It's hard enough being pregnant ever let alone at 14. Thanks for you advice, night all x

OP posts:

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