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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell on my sister?

69 replies

ClaphamLauren · 15/11/2007 22:00

This evening I'm baby sitting for my siblings (Bro 8 and Sis 14). I rather naughtily read my sisters MSN conversations and got from them that she is planning to bunk off school tomorrow and go to Brighton (we're in Surrey) and then tomorrow night when she gets back that she is going to go out and get drunk!

I don't know whether I should talk to her about it or just tell my parents so they can stop her going by dropping her into school etc?

Advice please ladies. (I found out yesterday I'm having a baby girl and this stroppy teenage example of a girl makes me FAR less excited and enthusiastic than I was hehe)

OP posts:
Hulababy · 16/11/2007 12:25

"At 14 I know this is rare but there are the odd occasions when it happens and if they are mature enough to cope with the emotions and complications it brings, then they are mature enough to do it. I know plenty of 14 year olds who act like they are in their 20s and would probably be better mums than a lot of mums out there. "

Sorry, but I have seen a lot of 14 year olds in my 9 years of teaching and I still swear I have never met one who was mature enough to deal with all the consequences of having sex. How many 14 year olds are really emotionally ready for motherhood, abortion, sexual transmitted diseases, etc? I don't know any, but I may be wrong. Let's face it at 16 and 18 many people are ready for all that. 14 is still a child with so much to learn ahead of them, so much growing up to do.

nappyaddict · 16/11/2007 12:32

Must just be the few I've come across then ...

rebelmum1 · 16/11/2007 12:38

There probably are some out there who have had to grow-up quickly. But when they are bunking off school, getting wrecked and bragging to their mates it seems more unlikely that they are mature in this respect or they would be choosing engagement rings and looking at prams and having romantic walks.

nappyaddict · 16/11/2007 12:50

Bunking off school is one thing, but how far away is brighton from where you live?? If its say only an hour away and she goes there a lot then I don't think it would bother me too much. All kids bunk off don't they. However if it is further away than that and it's not a place she is familiar with then she needs a good talking to.

I also think at this age having a few drinks isn't too much to worry about but you need to make sure she is in control and knows when to stop and can be responsible when drinking. If she can't be trusted to be responsible then measures need to be taken to ensure that she can't get up to it without you or your parents knowing.

bluejelly · 16/11/2007 12:55

I bunked off school quite a lot-- but was always a hard worker when I was around. Managed to get all my gcses/a-levels etc
It doesn't necessarily mean that you are going off the rails...

fortyplus · 19/11/2007 22:22

I do know one couple - both my age - who have been together since they were 15. They had a lot of time working apart (abroad) but ended up marrying in their 30s. Couldn't have kids 'naturally' and ended up with IVF triplets at 40!

So they are the exception to my 'rule'. good on you, nappyaddict - you did what would horrify most parents, but you sound as though you've got your head screwed on!

nappyaddict · 19/11/2007 23:50

i actually know one couple who have been together since the girl was 12 and the boy was 14

fortyplus · 20/11/2007 21:48

But I bet they're not 46 yet!

MotherFunk · 20/11/2007 22:05

Message withdrawn

fortyplus · 20/11/2007 23:51

I don't think there's anything disrespectful about 'good on you, nappyaddict - you did what would horrify most parents, but you sound as though you've got your head screwed on!'

You obviously didn't have time to read the whole thread

Tortington · 20/11/2007 23:58

would just like to state this:
claphamlauren what a wonderful big sister you are. you did exactly the right thng by telling your mum and are doign a fabulous wonderful thing in taking her to family planning clinic - and i felt that needed to be said.

MotherFunk · 21/11/2007 00:53

Message withdrawn

nappyaddict · 21/11/2007 02:48

I'm not sure which post motherfunk's was aimed at but I feel a bit of a fraud somewhat here.

i am not a great mother. sometimes i really think if i'd known motherhood was like this would i have continued with my pregnancy ... a thought that fills me with shame.

I barely cope by any means. I have to take ds to the hospital friday for a pre-op visit and my mum told me she wouldn't be able to come with me. It will be my first hospital visit with him without her and when she told me that I freaked out cos i always feel like the consultant doesn't really take me seriously.

fortyplus - no but they are 35+

MotherFunk · 21/11/2007 14:23

Message withdrawn

nappyaddict · 21/11/2007 19:37

It's fine, I wasn't overly bothered by the comments - I am used to them. I appreciate that people's opinions do change as they get older. Mine has after all on many things, including the fact that I no longer think sex is just sex. I now realise along with it comes lots of emotional ties and has a huge impact on one's life. BUT i realised that at the age of 15, when I felt proper love for the first time. I admit when I was about 12/13 I had boyfriends and would say I loved them and no, I didn't know what love was then but I did feel the real thing only a couple of years later and think it is rude of people to tell me that I didn't feel it. I think I know how I felt better than a bunch of strangers!!

And I also think it is not very nice to say that 16-20 year olds are stupid to be settling down at that age. Lots of people have done this, including people on here and I think it is wrong to put them down like that. 20 or 30 years ago it was normal to settle down that young. I don't think the emotional development of young adults has changed much over 20-30 years!!

MotherFunk did you used to have a different name? I am sure we have spoken before but I don't think you were called that then?

fortyplus · 22/11/2007 23:02

I had my first baby at 32 - after years of having fun, playing the field, etc. But you know what? I sometimes regret the fact that I left it so late. I felt like a crap mother sometimes - I mean, wouldn't you think that a mature person with all that experience of life should find motherhood a piece of cake? It's just not so! I even wailed to my HV - 'How is it that teenage mums seem to get on fine and I've had a career where I have to deal with people at all levels of commerce and I can't deal with a BABY!'

So don't beat yourself up, nappyaddict. You'll be young and fun when the grandchildren come along, unlike old fogies like me!

MotherFunk · 23/11/2007 16:39

Message withdrawn

nappyaddict · 23/11/2007 19:07

oh i guess that means you can't tell me who you were lol. why not just get the posts deleted? if you ever want to chat my msn is pink__diamonds at hotmail dot com

MamaMaiasaura · 23/11/2007 19:16

When I was 15 my sister covered for me going out for the night. I ended up in A&E after some shite spiked my drink (ok it was a large bottle of cider) with vodka. Ended up unconsious and very very poorly and my parents had the police knock the door. My sister also got in a whole lot of shit over it too.

Tbh i wish my sis had told, she did the sisterly thing and kept quiet but if she had told I wouldnt hold it against her. Might have been annoyed as a youngster, but once you are mature enough to understand why people want to protect you than you would forgive.

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