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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests bringing dog to stay

281 replies

Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 18:18

As a dog owner, if you were going to stay at someone’s house would you assume your dog would go to? Would that change if the house you were visiting also had their own dog?

DH and I disagree... need outside help please

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 13/05/2021 21:26

I'd base my expectations on my knowledge of their situation and relationship with the dog. If they were close to their dog and they had not mentioned a steady dog sitter, I'd expect they would bring their dog.

Member984815 · 13/05/2021 21:28

I wouldn't bring my dog unless it was made certain they were invited by the host . I wouldn't ask to bring my dog because I would feel like I was pressuring them to allow it

LookItsMeAgain · 13/05/2021 21:38

If you don't know, you have to find out.
You phone your MiL/FiL and during the conversation ask "So, what are you planning on doing with your dog while you're here?"
They will either tell you that they were going to bring the dog with them (you then know that) or they tell you that they weren't going to bring the dog and they are going to put it in kennels while they visit, or they ask "We were thinking of bringing the dog, if that's ok with you?" and then you know that too.
You can have your replies or variations of these replies ready to go.
Something like "Well as the two dogs haven't met yet and you're planning on staying for 3 days, it really wouldn't be fair on our one if they don't get along. You can't turn around and leave as soon as you get here so, I'd recommend for this visit, that you find someone to dog-sit for you or put your dog in kennels for the few days."

I would never assume that any pet that I might have would see the invitation of a visit extended to them. They are pets. I chose to have them, not the people I might be staying with so I would never foist them on these generous hosts.

Robin60 · 13/05/2021 21:45

@TolkiensFallow

I don’t think asking the host (for overnight stays) if you can bring the dog or not is “putting them in an awkward position” anymore than they are putting the dog owner in a difficult position by inviting them to stay but expecting them to put their dog in kennel (at cost) when they may not want to. Someone just had to be a grown up and say no.

In OP’s situation she has been put in a difficult situation by an entitled mil who has invited herself to stay not considered the impact on OP’s dog. Ie the grown conversation hasn’t happened. Ordinarily people should just communicate better.

I don’t have a dog , I don’t want a dog - even if it’s just for a weekend.... if I wanted your dog I would include it on the invitation, so please don’t assume the invitation includes your furry friends
Viviennemary · 13/05/2021 21:50

Most people wouldn't assume they could just bring their dog. I wouldn't be happy to have a dog in my house.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 13/05/2021 21:51

Nope, wouldn't assume. Dogs make a mess. Hair everywhere and bowls of dog food and water spilling over the kitchen. We have a few relatives who we're close enough to for them to bring their (well-behaved) dogs to stay, but it means double cleaning for me... once before they come and once when they leave to get rid of all dog traces.

My mother once told me about a cousin of hers who invited an acquaintance round to dinner. Acquaintance brought a Jack Russell without telling the cousin. The dog ran through the door before she could stop it and started chasing her elderly cat around the house. The poor thing died of fright.

WildLadyLucy · 13/05/2021 21:54

Absolutely NO WAY would a dog be welcome here, so I hope you aren't a potential guest of mine!

AlmostSummer21 · 13/05/2021 21:57

@saraclara

Friends' dogs no, unless invited. But family dogs, absolutely expected (unless there's a specific problem like an allergy or serious conflict between extended family dog and own pets).

It wouldn't occur to me to ask a MIL or DPs to leave the family dog at home. Dog is extended family too.

I'd rather my brothers dog came & left my brother at home!
AlmostSummer21 · 13/05/2021 21:58

@WildLadyLucy

Absolutely NO WAY would a dog be welcome here, so I hope you aren't a potential guest of mine!
Well clearly you haven't read the thread or even just the op's posts, so why bother to even comment.
Annonymiss123 · 13/05/2021 22:03

@easterndreaming

As a non dog owner I would never dream that guests staying with me would even think of bringing their dog.
This, absolutely!
TolkiensFallow · 13/05/2021 22:04

@Robin60 I don’t assume, I really don’t. But it’s not rude to double check. And it’s not rude for the dog owner to say “no thanks” to an invitation if it’s inconvenient for them.

gottakeeponmovin · 13/05/2021 22:05

I would presume the fog wasn't invited unless they specifically said they were

Melitza · 13/05/2021 22:12

We have the opposite problem.
Our friends insist we take our dog if we go for dinner.
They have 2 little dogs and ddog hates them.
We have made many excuses for not taking ddog.
It's getting very difficult.

memberofthewedding · 13/05/2021 22:13

If someone was invited to stay at my house (unlikely) and they turned up with a dog or cat they would be home on the next bus or train.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 13/05/2021 22:13

No. Not everyone should or does like your dog. Very rude to assume it's invited

Shedbuilder · 13/05/2021 22:13

If people own dogs and the people are coming to stay we tend to assume the dog/ dogs will come with them. Why not if you like dogs and have your own? We've had dogs in the past and have had up to five on the house together and it's great for the dogs. Even our rather temperamental old terrier used to enjoy guest dogs and going for walks in a pack.

Do you put your dog in kennels or leave it with a dog sitter every time you go and stay with friends or family, OP? Arrange to take your dog meet your MiL and the new dog on neutral territory close to your home — the park, say. Take them for a walk, let them get used to each other, then take them back to the house together. It's always worked for us.

Gilly12345 · 13/05/2021 22:16

I am not a dog owner, however it is bad manners to not ask if ok, surely most people feel this way?

I am in the minority but it definitely is the case of love me love my dog 🐶

Original poster
Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 22:21

@Shedbuilder I love our dog, I wouldn’t say I’m a dog lover in general though. Our home is definitely not designed for dogs, however something about it being your own one like your own kids if they break something etc it’s not such a big deal... but to answer your question, yes, we always get a sitter or the daycare place ours goes to a day a week does overnights if necessary.

OP posts:
Hugoslavia · 13/05/2021 22:38

I was going to say absolutely not. But read that your MIL is family and that is different. And I think that you should try to be more accommodating with family. If you had been upfront and said that your mother in law wanted to come and stay and asked whether you should extend the invitation to her dog, you would have received very different answers I suspect.

billy1966 · 13/05/2021 22:40

@RestingPandaFace

I would never assume and always check.
This.

Very rude to assume and not ask.

Very basic manners.

Ohdobequiet · 13/05/2021 23:01

I’d just ask where their dog is going to be while they’re visiting 🤷‍♀️

KangarooSally · 13/05/2021 23:06

Definitely ask, and if they say yes ask how they should be introduced as that should probably happen in a neutral area - my parents dog killed their friends dog when they just waltzed in with it (without asking if they could bring it).

Triphazard101 · 13/05/2021 23:20

My cats are usually traumatised by having human guests to stay.i think we wouldnt see them for weeks if a dog ever came!

BeneathYourWisdom · 13/05/2021 23:31

I’d always assume the invitation does not include the dog unless it specifically invites dog!

Lots of people have dog-free homes, don’t like dogs or consider them outdoor pets.

A dog isn’t like a family member to anyone except those who live with it. To others it’s just a pet.

I’d always expect guests to find a dog sitter if they came to stay.

mrstt89 · 14/05/2021 02:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.