Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guests bringing dog to stay

281 replies

Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 18:18

As a dog owner, if you were going to stay at someone’s house would you assume your dog would go to? Would that change if the house you were visiting also had their own dog?

DH and I disagree... need outside help please

OP posts:
Oriunda · 13/05/2021 20:47

MIL dog safe with kids, rather!

laidbacklife · 13/05/2021 20:48

Absolutely not. It’s common decency to check first. I would always assume dog not welcome unless invited.

newnortherner111 · 13/05/2021 20:48

I would never assume. It is a world of difference going for walks with a dog and their owner and having one to stay.

CrystalE · 13/05/2021 20:54

What about guinea pigs, hamsters, stick insects, Sylvanian family animals.

Original poster
Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 20:56

Totally happy to bring your sylvanians... my DDog may eat them though

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2021 20:58

I would never assume DP (Dear Parrot) was invited and expect I would behave the same it were a dog.

Even more so if other peeps had a parrot (or dog). Parrots can be turrible territorial.

snowone · 13/05/2021 21:00

I wouldn't expect the dog to be invited and I wouldn't expect anyone to bring their dog to my house unless I had specifically said it was okay

Wearywithteens · 13/05/2021 21:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 13/05/2021 21:04

I do not own a dog. If someone turned up to visit me with theirs in tow and they hadn't asked, I'd be fuming.

That said there are almost no circumstances where the answer to asking "can I bring my dog" would be yes.

lakesidelife · 13/05/2021 21:05

We have a dog, it would honestly never cross my mind to take it on a visit to another house.
Likewise I'd be gobsmacked if someone turned up with their dog.

(I also don't travel with cat, mice, gerbil or fish) our pets stay in our house or kennels.

MaryLennoxsScowl · 13/05/2021 21:06

My family would be more upset if my dog was left behind than if I was. My friends are mixed - but we have the sort of relationship where I can ask without anyone getting annoyed. I don’t think it’s rude to ask, but i would be more likely to ask what our plans were and anything involving going somewhere a dog wouldn’t be allowed would signal to me that taking him would be a pest for everyone. A friend used to bring her dog and then complain and try to make us change plans if they weren’t dog-friendly, and that was annoying for everyone - I don’t mind people turning up with dogs, but I do mind if they knew perfectly well that our plans were to do something that you couldn’t bring a dog to.

cheeseismydownfall · 13/05/2021 21:06

As a non-dog owner, it pisses me off when people even ask to be honest, because then it puts me in the position of having to say no.

There a several reasons we don't have a dog, one of them being that I don't want a dog in our house.

ViciousJackdaw · 13/05/2021 21:06

Your own dog cannot speak for him/herself, you are their advocate.

As such, you need to proactively protect them and part of that is not putting them in a situation which could cause distress. Letting a strange dog invade his territory could be extremely distressing.

BonesJones · 13/05/2021 21:06

I o ou have one friend who visits who has a dog and she checks each and every time it's OK for him to come, even though I always say yes of course. If I was a dog owner I'd be the same and never presume! YANBU at all!

waterlego · 13/05/2021 21:08

I would assume my dog wasn't invited unless explicitly stated. (He does sometimes get invited. My ILs and some of our friends would actually be upset if we turned up without him because he's a legend).

SavannahLands · 13/05/2021 21:08

Unless both Dogs already know each other and get along well, then defiantly not! I would not risk any potential conflict or injuries from such a meeting, and at the other end of the scale the risk of a unplanned mating if one of them was in season or entire due to the potential mess they could make.

sunflowertulip · 13/05/2021 21:08

I wouldn't expect or assume, we obviously know some places they're welcome and it's now assumed (mainly family) - as it is when they come here with their dogs. Otherwise it's on a trip by trip basis. I tell my friends their dogs are welcome to come with them up front (apart from one who has badly bitten another dog, he can't come here).

Brigante9 · 13/05/2021 21:12

I find this really odd. I wouldn’t dream of thinking of taking my dogs to visit others. Nobody has ever asked to visit with their dog, bar my bil, but that’s because we had to keep his puppy for the first couple of weeks (we persuaded him to view the perfect litter) and he left him with us a few months later. One of my dogs is super dog aggressive, so I couldn’t have another here anyway.

Robin60 · 13/05/2021 21:12

Absolutely not, by asking your hosts “is it ok if I bring my dog” you automatically put your hosts in a difficult position. I know this from experience, friends asked this very question and I felt obliged to say “yes it’s fine”. I later found out that the dog was incontinent....
Please don’t assume everyone loves your dog as much as you. Make alternative arrangements, if your hosts then express they would welcome your dog that is different.

BTV2000 · 13/05/2021 21:13

I don't even assume that my dog is welcome with me each time I stay with my parents (they also have their own dog!) let alone friends

Couldhavebeenme2 · 13/05/2021 21:14

I have a cat. Massively entitled relative told me I should put my cat in the cattery when they came to visit as their (uninvited) dog was too precious to be put in kennels.

I would be incredibly fucked off if people assumed they could just turn up with their dog, even before I got a cat. Discuss it, acknowledge that some folk just don't 'do' dogs, and be prepared to have to make alternative arrangements for Fido if it doesn't suit your host. Isn't that one of the considerations of dog-ownership?

cheeseismydownfall · 13/05/2021 21:17

@Robin60

Absolutely not, by asking your hosts “is it ok if I bring my dog” you automatically put your hosts in a difficult position. I know this from experience, friends asked this very question and I felt obliged to say “yes it’s fine”. I later found out that the dog was incontinent.... Please don’t assume everyone loves your dog as much as you. Make alternative arrangements, if your hosts then express they would welcome your dog that is different.
Exactly. Please don't even ask, especially if the host knows that the alternative to you bringing your dog is that you will have to incur the expense of arranging kennels/dog sitters. Trust me, the host knows that you have a dog, and if they don't explicitly invite it it is because there is a very good chance that they really don't want it in their house.
TolkiensFallow · 13/05/2021 21:21

I don’t think asking the host (for overnight stays) if you can bring the dog or not is “putting them in an awkward position” anymore than they are putting the dog owner in a difficult position by inviting them to stay but expecting them to put their dog in kennel (at cost) when they may not want to. Someone just had to be a grown up and say no.

In OP’s situation she has been put in a difficult situation by an entitled mil who has invited herself to stay not considered the impact on OP’s dog. Ie the grown conversation hasn’t happened. Ordinarily people should just communicate better.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/05/2021 21:22

It would definitely be a case of "Oh, are you dropping off your stuff on the way to the kennels?!" if they turned up at mine.

The assumption is wrong anyway, but a dog owner should surely know that mixing two strange dogs in an unknown (for one of them) house for a long weekend is a bloody stupid idea. Even the most placid of dogs can get very territorial and aggressive if they feel threatened by another animal. I would bet that if you dog did have a go at theirs she would blame you!

In other news.....send your husband to the butchers to buy himself a spine.

oknowimscared · 13/05/2021 21:25

Unless my dog is explicitly invited, I assume he isn’t (and by explicitly, I mean the host says “and of course Dog is welcome” without me asking). That is the same for friends who have dogs themselves or don’t. There are a few friends, who have always welcomed the dog, where I will ask to check (rather than assume it’s fine on some sort of precedence) (it’s always been fine, but always, always ask - things can change!)