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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Guests bringing dog to stay

281 replies

Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 18:18

As a dog owner, if you were going to stay at someone’s house would you assume your dog would go to? Would that change if the house you were visiting also had their own dog?

DH and I disagree... need outside help please

OP posts:

Itgetsthehoseagain · 13/05/2021 19:14

Would not dream of bringing my dog. Anyone who assumes their dog is welcome anywhere has a sense of entitlement so out of kilter that I'm surprised they can walk straight.

Yerroblemom1923 · 13/05/2021 19:15

We're a dog-free home so I'd be surprised if friends just rocked up with their dog without asking first. My close friends, whose dog I love, even check first before bringing him round and he's always welcome.

Sixsillysausagessizzlinginapan · 13/05/2021 19:15

I don't have dogs, and dogs aren't welcome here. Everyone knows not to bring their dog round though.
Reasons being:

I don't want dog hair everywhere, I don't like it and I don't want it clogging up my hoover

-i don't want dog hair on my clothes

they smell, breath, fur etc.
our DD is allergic
our rabbits have free run of the garden

PuddingJacker · 13/05/2021 19:15

Almost certainly not. The only time I'd assume the dog is invited is if I've visited multiple times before and the dog has always been invited before (like with my parents).
MIL insists on taking her dog everywhere with her and it's a nightmare.

OwlTwitterings · 13/05/2021 19:16

No, it’s a bit like saying if you are invited somewhere is your friend automatically invited as well.

Original poster

Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 19:16

@HopeForTheBestExpectTheWorst it wasn’t so much an invitation as an announcement they were visiting with some date options for us.

We’ve never taken ours to stay there either. So no reciprocation involved.

I guess I’m just not much of a dog person really. I love ours, he’s super placid and gentle. Same as children really, I love mine but not so keen on others 😂

OP posts:

1forAll74 · 13/05/2021 19:18

I don't have a dog these days, but I had an extremely well behaved dog years ago; and he went everywhere with me, and was welcome by all family and friends, no one objected to him at all.

My daughter has one dog,and my son has two small dogs,,but my problem is, that I have three cats, and the older Mother cat,does not like dogs at all,. she is in no way frightened of dogs, she sits and glares at them,and a dog would not get safely through the door,if they attempted to..But I love some visiting dogs,so have to shut the cats in another room,especially the Mother cat, the other two cats who are about 9, would try and bypass a dog,and run up the garden somewhere.

Original poster

Vetyveriohohoh · 13/05/2021 19:18

@Itgetsthehoseagain I see you’ve met my MIL... 😂

OP posts:

eltsihT · 13/05/2021 19:19

As everyone has said, I would always ask... We got a puppy in June (planed pre pandemic -18month waiting list)

We are going to stay with my parents for 3 days at the May bank holiday, we met up with them and their dog half way (1 1/2 hour drive for both parties) and went for a walk to check the dogs got on ok which fortunately they did!

Can you not organise a dog meeting before hand?

JustMeAndWheatley · 13/05/2021 19:19

I always assume that I can’t take my dogs and wouldn’t dream of even asking. The only place I would take them is to my mother-in-law’s house because she has dogs herself, has plenty of room ,and would say that they are welcome.

SionnachGlic · 13/05/2021 19:21

I am a dog owner.. one friend brings hers here overnights occasionally...about same age as mine & they wag a bit & then settle. I don't mind other dogs in my home if someone dropping in...put them in garden once introductions made & all ok...it is good for them to share space sometimes. I bring mine to DPs overnight since puppyhood.. they are doglovers but now elderly & don't want to commit to another with exercise etc...but they adore mine & giving treats he doesn't usually get at home so it is his favourite place. I wouldn't bring dog to anyone else's home overnight, he prob wouldn't settle v well at night & anyway I def wouldn't assume a dog would be welcomed. If dogs don't get on, there cd be trouble...or doesn't like kids if you have kids then could be problems...mine would be quite protective of 'his' kids in our home. Get DH to suss it out with MIL & if dog is part of the w/e plan what she proposes will happen if there are problems.

thefishthatcouldwish · 13/05/2021 19:21

It would depend where but I would always check.

Hont1986 · 13/05/2021 19:21

That's tricky. Staying with friends, definitely wouldn't think to bring the dog. Staying with family overnight, wouldn't bring dog. Staying a week with family would trigger conversation about whether to bring dog or board it. But staying three nights with family is around the length where I might assume that they know I would have to bring the dog. Personally I wouldn't because I think you shouldn't bring it without asking.

JustMeAndWheatley · 13/05/2021 19:22

To answer the second part of your question, if they had a doh it’s even more important to know if they want the dog there or not. They might have a dog that doesn’t get on with other dogs. Even some dogs that generally like other dogs out on walks don’t like having them in their house.

MrsBarnstable · 13/05/2021 19:22

Absolutely not. If the dogs have never met before it's a terrible idea to expect your dog to share his/her space and will be equally distressing for your MIL dog too, being young in a strange house with a dog it doesn't know
Let alone how bloody rude it is

Cosmos45 · 13/05/2021 19:22

I would double check whether or not my dog was invited. Sometimes she is and sometimes she isn't. I get it and wouldn't "assume" I could take her with me (although I prefer it if I can). This is probably one of the reasons I end up hosting most people in my house as it is less uprooting for everyone.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 13/05/2021 19:23

@Justmuddlingalong

I would presume the dog wasn't invited. More so if they have a dog actually.

This^

JustMeAndWheatley · 13/05/2021 19:23

I won’t let my SIL a ring her dog to my house (even though I have 3 dogs) because it scratches all the paintwork off the doors. I don’t want to redecorate each time they visit!

alphajuliet123 · 13/05/2021 19:23

I don’t have dogs in my house, the one time I did there was dog hair everywhere, and now we have a cat so I’ve a good excuse not to let dogs in.

But... I think since it’s family, you haven’t seen them for months and they are looking forward to seeing you, and you already have a dog, it would be a bit mean not to let them bring it. I think you could at least give it a try.

TolkiensFallow · 13/05/2021 19:26

@emilyfrost just because it’s family really. I wouldn’t really expect my mum to pay for kennels if she had a dog and wanted to see me. If I was allergic or something then it would be an issue but otherwise I don’t really see why I wouldn’t let her bring it.

Wingingit15 · 13/05/2021 19:27

No.
Non dog owner and someone I know always thinks it’s ok to bring their dog. It really annoys me !

Aloethere · 13/05/2021 19:28

Close family - parents,ils, sibling then I would welcome them dogs and all. Friends I would expect to be asked. I wouldn't bring our dogs to friends and would ask faily before though.

TolkiensFallow · 13/05/2021 19:28

@OwlTwitterings it’s really not even slightly the same as a friend. Friends aren’t dependant on their owners.

1980tastic · 13/05/2021 19:28

That would be fucking wierd.

I say this as a previous dog owner, who loves dogs.

That's just totally not on.

Ok to ask, not ok to pressure or assume.

Not all dogs suit all homes - for starters we're right onto a road. There's no way I would be comfortable having someone else's dog here in case it got out and hit by traffic. I don't care about what people say about their dog being placid, well behaved etc - I just don't want to be put in the position of having an unknown dog in unfamiliar surroundings in a home which isn't suited to pets. The previous owner of our place had many pets killed over the years - it's fundamentally unsafe. And I'd resent having to explain all of that under pressure.

gurglebelly · 13/05/2021 19:30

As a non dog owner it wouldn't even occur to me that someone would want to bring a dog, so I wouldn't make it clear in the invitation as I would assume they'd make other arrangements for their pets

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