Why is MN so horrible to SAHMs?

[Sweak]

I'm sure this will go down like a lead balloon, but it's been bothering me.

Every post I see written by a sahm, no matter what her issue is, has at least 5 posters telling her she must get a job Or implying she's lazy and even worse 'contributes nothing.'

Lots of posts under the guise of telling women they need to protect themselves financially are criticising this choice (not always but many). I would never dream of criticising a mother for working so why is it acceptable to criticise those who decide to stay at home to be with their children? (I claim zero benefits fyi in case that's a suggestion). I accept that a very very long period out of work will leave you vulnerable if you split due pension, but 5 years or so? The pre school years...I don't think so. Obviously being a sahp is only going to work if you have a decent partner who shares income.

And finally so many posters implying that by being a sahm you are making it basically impossible to be employable ever again unless you run the PTA!

Full disclosure...I'm a sahm, and have been for four years, but I've decided to return to work. I've secured a job for sept (teacher), and got the second job I had an interview for so the suggestion sahm are making themselves unemployable for having a few years out doesn't ring true! However due to MN my confidence about getting a job was so low.

Can't we just support each others choices in life even if they differ to our own?

I don't think anyone is suggesting that ALL wohm are jealous of sahm, but that when someone pours scorn or is vitriolic about sahm it clearly comes from a bad place, and in my experience that bad place is usually jealousy.
If someone is happy in their life and happy with their own choices they rarely feel the need to put others down. It's the same for everything in life.
All the talk about financial security etc is deviating from the point of the thread in my opinion. The question was 'why are people horrible to sahm',
The 'horribleness' comes in the form of comments about them being lazy, and as the Lake Geneva poster upthread said it would be 'a waste of my life", that is insinuating that sahm waste their lives, and people making out that sahm are wasting their education, scroungers, prostitutes, stupid, lazy. The worst is when people say they would be ashamed of their daughters if they became a sahm. Awful thing to say.
The fact is life is for enjoying. The most successful lives are those where the person has spent most of their life happy and content. For some being at home and spending lots of time with their family is what makes them happy and if they can do that and still make it work financially them good on them, there's no need for any negativity on either side.

“The fact is life is for enjoying. The most successful lives are those where the person has spent most of their life happy and content. For some being at home and spending lots of time with their family is what makes them happy and if they can do that and still make it work financially them good on them, there's no need for any negativity on either side.”

Amen to that!

@Drunkenmonkey

I don't think anyone is suggesting that ALL wohm are jealous of sahm, but that when someone pours scorn or is vitriolic about sahm it clearly comes from a bad place, and in my experience that bad place is usually jealousy. If someone is happy in their life and happy with their own choices they rarely feel the need to put others down. It's the same for everything in life. All the talk about financial security etc is deviating from the point of the thread in my opinion. The question was 'why are people horrible to sahm', The 'horribleness' comes in the form of comments about them being lazy, and as the Lake Geneva poster upthread said it would be 'a waste of my life", that is insinuating that sahm waste their lives, and people making out that sahm are wasting their education, scroungers, prostitutes, stupid, lazy. The worst is when people say they would be ashamed of their daughters if they became a sahm. Awful thing to say. The fact is life is for enjoying. The most successful lives are those where the person has spent most of their life happy and content. For some being at home and spending lots of time with their family is what makes them happy and if they can do that and still make it work financially them good on them, there's no need for any negativity on either side.

I agree with this, so long as you are happy and content in your choice that's all that matters

I think what SAHMs are trying to highlight is that while they are happy with their choice they aren’t happy with the subtle and not so subtle put downs they experience on MN.

I find it similar to racism in that the attitudes being expressed make it harder to enjoy things.

The type of poster who would say, “Oh I could never be a SAHM as that would be a wasted life;” is exactly the same type of poster who, if the boot was in the other foot, would say, “Oh you can never get those special years back” Of course it would be followed up with, “Oh that’s just a personal view...” or dressed up as “concern.”

Basically, it all boils down to the same thing - sanctimonious drivel.

@Sweak I think we might need another thread

[quote Tittyfilarious]@Sweak I think we might need another thread [/quote]
I thought about it, but I think if we do we will just end up going around in circles. I sort of feel like we have been anyway! Inevitability people will join a new thread without reading this one and just repeat the same points.

I think hopefully those who have read and/or engaged in the thread can see we could all do with a bit less judging (wohm or sahm) and acceptance that your own way of doing things isn't necessarily the right way.

Thanks to everyone who respectfully discussed the issue. Poll results were basically 50/50

If you are a sahm and you've been reading this thread I just want to emphasise it's not career suicide (as some suggested) to step out of the workplace for a few years.

@Sweak I think you are probably right it would just be a repeat of this thread. Congratulations on your new job in September it does prove that if a sahm decides to change her mind and go back to work its absolutely possible and we arnt condemned to being unemployable in the future as some posters believe we are.

[quote Tittyfilarious]@Sweak I think you are probably right it would just be a repeat of this thread. Congratulations on your new job in September it does prove that if a sahm decides to change her mind and go back to work its absolutely possible and we arnt condemned to being unemployable in the future as some posters believe we are.[/quote]
Thank you

Yes, the very best of luck in your new job Sweak and good for you!

I agree there’s no point in another thread because it will just be a rehash of the usual stereotypes and misconceptions that some people desperately need to cling to in order to feed their own superiority complexes.

Well as someone who is not biased as I’m not on either side of the debate (do not have or want kids). @Sweak has been so biased in their answers that it was honestly a funny read. When @Ginuwine made her ridiculous comment there was absolutely no reply even though it was demeaning to WOHM. But when a poster replied OP called her out for boasting when she was simply responding equally to Ginuwine demeaning someone for having a house and a mortgage? OP I hope you get a big reality check when these comments start coming for you when you work. You have an intense confirmation bias as can be seen from your responses and what this thread has shown is that all women can be spiteful to each other not just WOHM to SAHM at all.

@paloma10 yep for sure as can be evidenced for your own comments some people have huge superiority complexes. Why don’t you just live your life and stop caring about what other people are doing. Quite sad that you feel the need to defend yourself if you are truly happy.

There has not been one comment on this thread demeaning or even giving an opinion on women who work, apart from one who disappeared quickly. The same has not been true in reverse.

I’m just I these threads for the crazies, really. Women who claim no interest in ever being a SAHM, yet have sooo much to say about lives they know nothing about. In real life, you can generally see these people coming and the default is to find them a wife sidestep. But on the internet, they come out because people can’t avoid them so easily.

@cinammonbuns

Well as someone who is not biased as I’m not on either side of the debate (do not have or want kids). *@Sweak has been so biased in their answers that it was honestly a funny read. When @Ginuwine* made her ridiculous comment there was absolutely no reply even though it was demeaning to WOHM. But when a poster replied OP called her out for boasting when she was simply responding equally to Ginuwine demeaning someone for having a house and a mortgage? OP I hope you get a big reality check when these comments start coming for you when you work. You have an intense confirmation bias as can be seen from your responses and what this thread has shown is that all women can be spiteful to each other not just WOHM to SAHM at all.

Is it necessary for the OP to be the thread police and react to every single comment that's negative about either sahm or wohm? No, the "big house" discussion I wasn't involved in. When someone made the jealousy comment I did say I didn't agree

I've said several times both sides can be spiteful. I have been nothing but respectful to both sahm and wohm.

And to be honest the thread wasn't called what's best being a wohm or a sahm..the threads about horrible comments to sahm, so of course that's the focus of my responses! That's not to say working mums don't get stick too. I didn't say they didn't.

If you don’t find @Ginuwine or @Devlesko comments demeaning to WOHM then you are just as biased as the OP. They suggest WOHM work for money and ‘commercialism’ - don’t think they quite understand the word - instead of the obvious reason they work being providing for their family.
If I did the same and suggested SAHM were domestic servants for example I would rightly be attacked yet the OP and you only seem interested in attacks on SAHM. Again conformation bias.

And it’s funny you act as if a WOHM could never know what a SAHM life could be like, they have relatives and friends. You can’t be that obtuse.

Anyway, good luck Sweak. For what it’s worth, I know lots of teachers who have gone back to work after longer SAH periods than you. Often, they’ve gone back to the same school!

Well I’m happy this thread can come to an end. I hope everyone can get on with their lives without caring what MN users think about them- they aren’t the ones paying your mortgage!

[quote cinammonbuns]@paloma10 yep for sure as can be evidenced for your own comments some people have huge superiority complexes. Why don’t you just live your life and stop caring about what other people are doing. Quite sad that you feel the need to defend yourself if you are truly happy.[/quote]
The nature of this forum is to discuss and debate. So if you are truly happy you say nothing ever about issues that relate to you?

Interestingly, I don't see you telling any of the working mums they shouldn't defend themselves when someone has said some bs about working mothers

You've decided to launch these attacks at the end of the thread.Why not join in when there was enough space to debate properly?

@cinammonbuns

Well I’m happy this thread can come to an end. I hope everyone can get on with their lives without caring what MN users think about them- they aren’t the ones paying your mortgage!

they aren’t the ones paying your mortgage!

And there we have it. The parting shot.

You know what if you were interested in the thread why bother commenting?

I don’t remember this Ginuine poster (unless that was the one who was rude)? and I think the main point of Develsko’s posts was live and let live. I have chatted with Develsko before and she makes no secret of the fact that she has an alternative lifestyle to most as she is Romany. So maybe she rejects commercialism more than most and had a different outlook on life and fair enough.

@paloma10

Anyway, good luck Sweak. For what it’s worth, I know lots of teachers who have gone back to work after longer SAH periods than you. Often, they’ve gone back to the same school!

Thank you. 🙂 I'm really excited about it.

cinsmon - you wouldn’t be someone who has nc just to get a Perry little swipe in at the end soups you? Hmmm..,

@Sweak because I have a life outside MN . I did not see this thread till now. I only replied to @paloma10 because she is the only one still active on the thread and still saying bs. Why would I reply to inactive people when the thread is about to end?

Please do not try and imply I am biased, you are projecting.