Bullying and mumsnet

[hattiecattie]

I'm a long time lurker since I had my DD 8 years ago. I have noticed since the first day I joined mumsnet that there is a huge bullying culture here that takes place. I have witnessed so many pile ons happen to desperate people asking for help. Even if you don't agree with someone, there's no need to be cruel.

I wonder if there's a way that MNHQ can challenge this? Shut down bullying on this site as soon as it occurs.

There can be groups who develop a fairly unpleasant approach and it gets strengthened over time.

Usually an indication of something going on irl which is being transferred to a bit of keyboard bashing online.

Ugh. They are not*. Please give us an edit button MNHQ. 🤦🏼‍♀️

They just wont do that for some reason. They've been ask3d before.

I think it'd be a good idea. A lot of nastiness over less than perfect written english would disappear.

@SelkieBe

They just wont do that for some reason. They've been ask3d before.

I think it'd be a good idea. A lot of nastiness over less than perfect written english would disappear.

I agree. That really nasty thing where someone needs help and because they've spelled a word incorrectly everyone just takes the piss.

Also wilfully forgetting that autocorrect is a cruel mistress that will always correct ill to I'll - even when you're talking about being sick. Also that people have typos - make mistakes etc etc.

So unpleasant and unnecessary.

Agree with you OP. I have personally name changed and now very rarely post due to the comments I have received on AIBU.

I was particularly astounded at the 'You sound like hard work' responses. Amazing how someone can judge your character from reading a few paragraphs online.

One in particular is a long-term Mumsnetter, who I still see being nasty just for the hell of it. When I challenged this person, I was told that Mumsnet wouldn't do anything as she had been here for years - she was right, unfortunately.

@RosieTheHat

One in particular is a long-term Mumsnetter, who I still see being nasty just for the hell of it. When I challenged this person, I was told that Mumsnet wouldn't do anything as she had been here for years - she was right, unfortunately.

Did you report a specific post of hers though? And if so, what was MNHQ's response?

If you were accusing her of being a troll, then you probably would have got the standard answer that MNHQ could see she had been here a long time, and was a genuine poster. (Not that longevity does stop trolling, but that's another point!)

@BIWI No, I didn't accuse her of being a troll. I just told her that there was no need to be so nasty. I didn't bother reporting.

[quote RosieTheHat]@BIWI No, I didn't accuse her of being a troll. I just told her that there was no need to be so nasty. I didn't bother reporting.[/quote]
Why not?! If people don't report then MNHQ can't do anything about it - and so the nastiness just continues.

Seriously. If you're not prepared to report then you can't complain.

I really hate the ones where someone clearly has poor grammar or is less academically intelligent than the average mumsnetter or uses terms like hubby or hun or puts kisses. You know instantly they are in for a tough ride.
It's snobbery and bullying, it's something that would be completely unacceptable in real life amongst adults.
The person who likened it to the colloseum put it very well. There are people who come here for the lively debate, the intelligent conversation etc and others who come here purely to hurt and insult others and watch people being taken down, and once one person starts all the others start to surface to and that's where the nasty pile-ons happen.

@BIWI I agree lesson learned, but I wasn't complaining, just adding my thoughts to the thread.

I understand these people have two issues one group has low self esteem and they seem to think by putting others down it raises them up somehow.

others who come here purely to hurt and insult others and watch people being taken down, and once one person starts all the others start to surface to and that's where the nasty pile-ons happen.

MN seem to have this weird interpretation that if you say, for example, that someone is an entitled twat, that's a personal attack and they'll delete; but if you say that someone sounds like an entitled twat, it's OK. It really appears that you can get away with really offensive posts so long as you add the words "sound like".

I did have one odd one hound me for ages

Thankfully seems to have gone

Sorry wrong thread

Maybe now's the time to start exercising a bit of critical thinking and consider whether those going against the tide might actually be 100% genuine and might have a point?

Critical thinking? My internal thoughts are on a case by case basis I’m afraid. Some posts don’t even stand up to any critical thinking TBF.

@Sparklingbrook

Maybe now's the time to start exercising a bit of critical thinking and consider whether those going against the tide might actually be 100% genuine and might have a point?

Critical thinking? My internal thoughts are on a case by case basis I’m afraid. Some posts don’t even stand up to any critical thinking TBF.

With the greatest of respect @Sparklingbrook I feel you're continually switching tack on this thread and being lightheartedly obtuse. This is simply in order to ignore the good points made by many about the "people who agree with an OP are sock puppets" comment you asserted earlier.

That's your right, and this isn't an inquisition.

But I do think the above poster has made a fair point, as has others. Not everyone who agrees with an OP is a troll or a second/third account of the OP.

I think their points deserve acknowledgement, a convention of debate which sadly doesn't happen often enough on AIBU.

Some are sock puppets, some aren’t. 🤷‍♀️

I find on AIBU the first response sets the tone, after which everyone just jumps in.

Of course others can have a differing opinion to the OP but there are ways of doing so.

I find on AIBU the first response sets the tone, after which everyone just jumps in

This devalues the opinions of those subsequent posters. How about that is what they actually believe?

@Spidey66

I find on AIBU the first response sets the tone, after which everyone just jumps in.

Of course others can have a differing opinion to the OP but there are ways of doing so.

This often happens for a while, but I find that often late at night that tone can be petty, aggressive and sometimes downright wrong.

Then sensible people come along and say: hang on a minute, I'm going to go against the grain. That's not sock puppetry. Sometimes you even then see the whole direction of the thread change (the shoal of fish example a PP used was spot on here).

Just because someone posts first - doesn't mean they're right. Particularly when there seem to be some posters who almost hang around AIBU to pounce on unsuspecting people and jump down their throats.

Ive got to be honest. Although I find some posters here very direct and some nasty. It's not as bad as Gransnet. (I am a Gran)I actually left Gransnet as there were some real nasty people on it. There was also one regular poster there who was really manipulative and in the main I left due to that one poster, just couldn't stand them. If it gets too much on here. I take a break. I actually find folk nicer here and it's much better than Fussbook and as for Twitter, never again.

Sock puppeting, colluding with bullying in groups and 'trolling' (which now seems to have been restricted in meaning to refer to creative-writing exercises, but which to me means deliberately posting incendiary comments to cause maximum distress to strangers) is sad enough. 'Gangs' colluding on here I can't say I've ever noticed. But spreadsheets on particular users? I'd deem that totally unbelievable were I not long aware of the kind of nutjobs hiding within cyberspace.
Back in the day when chatrooms were a thing there were certain ISPs with their own fairly restrictive communities, the behaviour of which makes MN look like Mary Poppins's nursery. We are talking, 'police would be interested' kind of behaviour. On today's internet the only forum I've seen even approaching that level of nastiness is Twitter.

I can't say I don't sympathise with PPs' comments about the supercilious SPAG police, who really are a waste of column inches. The comments about MN collusion are interesting, too. But IMO it's better to draw attention to bullying on the threads where it happens or report the thread. I'm not sure continually pointing out how hateful this site is becoming - as a number of threads have done lately - is doing much to improve its ambience.

[quote psychomath]@TheVanguardSix that's terrible, I'm so sorry

I've been realising the same recently - some people can't seem to cope with the realisation that bad things can happen to good people, or that some problems don't have any straightforward solutions (the latter has been especially true on covid-related topics). So if you're in a shitty situation they have to find a way to twist it into being your own fault somehow, even if that defies all reason, otherwise they might have to acknowledge that life is complicated and often unfair. It's a very infantilised view of the world IMO, but it seems to be oddly prevalent among a minority of MN posters.[/quote]
The idea that bad things don't happen to good people, therefore you must be at fault if something bad happens to you, is well established. Look up "just world fallacy". It explains so much of history