Normal curfew for 16 year-old girl? Who is BU?

[outnumberedbycats]

WIBU? DD is 16 and has had a boyfriend for a few months (he’s in the Lower 6th, she’s in Year 11). She’s mainly been seeing him in school due to the ongoing replacement GCSEs, but she’s fine with this as she understands she’s needed to focus on revision. The boy has been to our house a few times and seems fine so far.

When the exams finish next week there is a group of them planning to hang out in a local park (not a lonely one, it’s Hyde Park), to celebrate various birthdays and end of exams etc. The boyfriend will be there. DH has told the boyfriend that he wants DD brought home by 9.30pm. The BF has agreed, but DD is saying they will all be there until later and this is embarrassing for her. She is complaining to me (as usual) to persuade DH to let her be out later.

What time would you expect a 16 year-old girl home by if she was out in a park with her boyfriend (even though it’s a group thing)?

@TeamMummy

What's wrong with the girl coming home with the boy?

If she came home on her own and got attacked you'd be saying why was she on her own at night

No pleasing some people

Nah if she got attacked I would absolutely fucking not be asking why she was alone at night.

11pm is reasonable, but she should be walking home with someone or getting a lift / taxi.

Also your husbands attitude is utterly misogynistic. Your DD isn't a chattel and the only person responsible for getting her there and back should be herself. I see your husband has different rules for your DS? I would be challenging your husband and telling him the 1950s want their attitudes back.

I have lower sixth and midnight at weekends is the curfew. Was similar I think in year 11 but most of year 11 was in lock down. School nights a different matter and by arrangement.

9.30 is way too early, how embarrassing for the poor girl.

A lot of year 11s round here head off on hols after GCSEs ... Reading festival, Newquay. Obv no curfews going on there!

@JadedStrumpet

Also your husbands attitude is utterly misogynistic. Your DD isn't a chattel and the only person responsible for getting her there and back should be herself. I see your husband has different rules for your DS? I would be challenging your husband and telling him the 1950s want their attitudes back.

I know I'd be utterly ashamed if my husband had this attitude. And you seem to think it's ok except the time. Sometimes women are other women's worst enemies.

I would say 11pm and expect to have a counter offer of 11.30/midnight which I'd probably be inclined to agree to.

When I was 16 I worked full time and flat shared for part of thar year.

I think you need to expect that if you are that strict on times coming home she is going to rebel in.a big way sooner or later. I'd rather have DC coming home at midnight than telling me she's staying with with friend and then staying god knows where instead.

Sorry, just catching up. To those saying DH is a misogynist, I think that’s quite a strong thing to say because he certainly doesn’t hate women in any sense. To put it context, DD has a lot of friends who are Muslim and aren’t allowed to hang out with boys at all, let alone have a boyfriend - so I totally know what people mean when they say these girls will just end up doing it behind the parents’ backs (because that’s what’s happening). DH is not Muslim but his family are from a Christian minority in a Muslim country. I wouldn’t say he’s overly strict in general terms, but I his expectations for the boyfriend are normal to him, if that makes sense. It’s hard to explain. He wouldn’t want her going to the Reading Festival for instance (I know this is a thing post GCSE), but I kind of agree with him there as we’ve heard some horror stories from girls who went in her older brother’s year. DD is not asking to go anyway. Is it even happening this year? I think if they leave the park by 10, this is probably fine because it will be dark by then anyway and what’s the point of sitting around in the dark? She is only just 16 as of the other week. I know allsorts goes on in that park because a lot of schools have started congregating there over lockdown and DD has told us that she knows people who go there who are “vape traders” and I imagine that’s the very least of it.

Keep telling yourself it is fine then.

Why ask on here if you think its fine.

It will be really embarrassing for your DD and definitely not the norm at 16.

11pm...12 if it was a proper concert. Bless your dh!

At what age will he relax a bit though … in two short years she could be off to uni. You can't go from 9.30 curfews to complete freedom … it's a build up which starts at 15 IME.

Well kids do all sorts in parks ...vape, smoke, drink etc. But since was teen experimentation a surprise?
Dds friends vape and dd has tried it. Id rather that than smoking bit i have discussed popcorn lung with her.

I think I’m going to stop the thread now as someone is spamming with porn, but thank you for all the views.

I went to my first night club on my 16th birthday. YABU.

How is DH going to cope when DD turns 18? In theory she will then be an adult and won't have to ask his permission.

At least do 10pm. I think weekends I would be allowed out to 11pm at 16 for prearranged socials (and my parents were on the stricter side).

Are you honestly happy that your DD is growing up being led to believe that men have more freedom, choice and say over women? Why are you not railing against that?