Normal curfew for 16 year-old girl? Who is BU?

[outnumberedbycats]

WIBU? DD is 16 and has had a boyfriend for a few months (he’s in the Lower 6th, she’s in Year 11). She’s mainly been seeing him in school due to the ongoing replacement GCSEs, but she’s fine with this as she understands she’s needed to focus on revision. The boy has been to our house a few times and seems fine so far.

When the exams finish next week there is a group of them planning to hang out in a local park (not a lonely one, it’s Hyde Park), to celebrate various birthdays and end of exams etc. The boyfriend will be there. DH has told the boyfriend that he wants DD brought home by 9.30pm. The BF has agreed, but DD is saying they will all be there until later and this is embarrassing for her. She is complaining to me (as usual) to persuade DH to let her be out later.

What time would you expect a 16 year-old girl home by if she was out in a park with her boyfriend (even though it’s a group thing)?

Your DD has to be brought home by her boyfriend??? Have we gone back to the 1950's?? Is she incapable of getting home by herself?

I would prefer my DD not to be getting home by herself late at night in London.

My 17 year old doesn't finish work til 11 2 nights a week 😁 (macds, started at 16)
We say 11pm school nights, weekend whenever she wants but please let us know a rough time.

I dont really give my 16 year old a curfew anymore. If she was at a park or soemthibg they'd likely start heading home at half ten at the latest so depending on the added on time to walk home, whatever that is.

Half nine is ridiculous.

Yes it has been a stressful year for them, that’s for sure. DD and her dad get on well in general, though she has told him he’s being OTT and embarrassing as he’s told the BF that if he’s going out with her he has to pick her up as well in the afternoon, whereas DD says it’s out of his way and she’ll just see him there. DH says he doesn’t care if it’s out of his way. She is quite sensible on the whole and most of her friends don’t drink as they’re not interested. But I don’t want a summer of this where I end up as the intermediary!

Thanks - I will suggest they leave at 10 then.

11pm?

11pm curfew. Midnight but i pick up from park

11pm

Flipping Nora, 9.30 and he ‘told’ her BF? Your husband needs to have a word with himself.

At 16, I was going to fantastic squat raves in Docklands (before they were redeveloped). No harm. Good degree. Cracking job etc. Not saying I advocate this but there has to be a middle ground. Midnight would be reasonable.

Home for 11 but I would pick her up and park round the corner if that embarrassed by 16 year old .

At 16 even my very strict dad wouldn't have imposed a 9.30pm curfew. It was always 11pm if I expected a lift from the station, midnight if I had taxi fare. For such a special occasion and at the end of a really crappy year, being lenient seems to be in order :)

Agree 11pm. As others have said.. at 16 I was going to nightclubs. Was always able to be honest with my mum... a lot of my friends had to sneak around and lie, and they're the ones who always went too far and ended up in trouble.

I didn't get home until around 9.30 in the morning when I was 16

Your dh also wants her picked up by the bf?

Is he always so controlling?

Christ, your update makes your DH sound a total arse. If I were your / his daughter, much lying would be starting.

Your husband sounds pretty sexist. Would he behave this way with a 16 year old son?

9.30 for a 16 year old is far too early. Poor girl. I would say 11.00 seems ok, depending how they will get home etc

Tell your husband to talk to his daughter, not her boyfriend. She is not a possession that needs men to decide what is best for her. And tell her to tell both of them to pack it in if they try anything like that again.

9.30pm is insanely early.

If she is travelling home with other people and they commit to staying together, I wouldn't have a curfew at all. They are 16 and legally able to get jobs, leave home etc.

Often teens crash at someone's house so they can all travel back together - and then just head home in the morning. I'd been keen to facilitate this if possible and let friends crash here as needed.

I’d say 11pm too. And to the poster who suggested it was the 50’s of her boyfriend had to bring her home - are you happy with your daughter travelling anyone in London at night? I certainly wouldn’t and would insist the boyfriend brought her home or I’d collect

Midnight
9.30 is ridiculous

I would suggest she is home by 11. Its not early so she feels like a baby, but she will have to leave the park at a reasonable time.

I think 10pm if they’re just hanging around a park is reasonable.
If she was in a restaurant/pub/club at that age I wouldn’t mind what time she came in at at all as long as it didn’t interfere with school or work.
It’s just the hanging around doing nothing in public that I don’t like.

11pm and she has to have a safe way of getting home, but it doesn't have to be with her bf.

Your DH needs to get a grip and stop putting his own (understandable) anxieties as a parent before what is right for her.. It's a dangerous world out there, but your DD needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own safety. Making her her bf''s responsibility is unhelpful and patronising.

At 16 I didn't have a curfew and didn't know anyone who did

11pm.

I'd collect at an agreed spot.

No way would I insist on her being chaperone by her bf. Your dh is odd. She can make her own way there with friends or a lift. I'd be happy to do drop off for local friends.

At 15, after my GCSE exams we went out to the pubs, my Dad collected me at 12 and I was embarrassed as I was the first to leave! You’re both being unfair, she could be living alone at 16. Also why is your DD unable to meet him there at 4pm?! Is your DH in the 1950’s?