To ask honestly if you feel sorry for these women?

[LemonSherbetFancies]

Who are approaching 40 and single with no kids?
I know a few in this situation and they always say they feel judged and inferior to women of that age who do.
Personally, I do not feel sorry for them if they do not have kids as they are not for everyone. But I do feel for women who don't have a supportive and loving relationship. Now, I am not saying women need a man to be happy but I know from myself how much nicer my life is with DP in it.

@Cantrecall

Lol I’ve not even read the thread but I can’t WAIT until I’m approaching 40, got rid of arsehole dh and the kids will have moved out so il be SINGLE . Why on Earth would I feel sorry for them I ENVY them

see, because of that post I feel sorry for you now.

My two are in their twenties and still around ..
it's much easier of course, but I did imagine I would be on my own with dh by now.
A few more years yet I suppose, luckily we get on ok.

I also feel sorry for myself right now but I won’t when I’m 40

@LemonSherbetFancies

I am referring to the women in my life. Some ex colleagues, some family. Many feel that they are looked down upon, pitied or seen as spinsters. Generally I get the same view as well as in my social circle, people do seem to feel sorry for women approaching 40 who do not have this in their lives. Yet on Mumsnet it seems to be a different story.

WHAT ???

@LemonSherbetFancies

I am referring to the women in my life. Some ex colleagues, some family. Many feel that they are looked down upon, pitied or seen as spinsters. Generally I get the same view as well as in my social circle, people do seem to feel sorry for women approaching 40 who do not have this in their lives. Yet on Mumsnet it seems to be a different story.

@LemonSherbetFancies Maybe that's because you clearly look down upon them and pity them

Perhaps try to be less judgemental?

No, I am not sad I don't have children I don't want, or a miserable leeching husband sucking the joy out of life like many women do.

I have absolute freedom to do what I want, lots of friends, sex when I fancy it, and a large salary - why is that to be 'pitied' ?

Plus the research supports that I'm happier than married women or those with children.

Why not save your 'pity' for women in abusive relationships or poverty? Or better yet do something constructive to help them rather than spending your time trying to validate your life choices by publicly 'pitying' women who make different choices to you?

I choose to be single, I love being single, I actually feel freedom, joy, empowerment and confidence in my singlehood. (There are times I wish I could share practical responsibilities with another and of course most kids want their parents together, this is the downside) that's it!
I feel very strongly as I have got older that many will convince themselves of anything, going along with collective group think in order to feel accepted by the group, using pity towards others if necessary to justify their own inner misery with their lot in life.

So no, I absolutely do not feel sorry for childless women by choice or single women by choice.

There's a few women (know more women then men) whose life choices have caused me to reflect on my own life.

1. Ex colleague, few years older than me. Quite patronising at work to me (she was technical and I was in more support service) worked for same company for 25 years. Got made redundant,hasn't been able to find another job, made her job her life so no friends. See her out and about and she is lonely and you can see it coming off her. I think possibly she has struggled with her sexuality. I recognise her loneliness at a human level, I wish she could find happiness.

1. Ex colleague. Again worked at same job for 25 years. A bully who surrounded herself with sycophants. Again, think she has struggled with her sexuality. Toxic person, who couldn't work outside public sector. This one I wish ill but I don't look down on!

1. Mother of five who lives in my village. It looks like an awful grind to bring up all those kids. 100% this is me projecting my issues about the hard work of child-rearing on to her. I'd never mention this to anyone and my brain instantly gives me a shake if I dwell on this.

I don't look down on anyone. I might notice if someone isn't living their truth or is unhappy. I've had a few upsets in my life that have caused me to become more self aware.

The bar for women is SO HIGH there's so much to do but you have to do it backwards and in heels. If if you don't achieve all of the unachievable steps someone will judge you for it.

Can’t say that I do. If you want a child you don’t necessarily need to be in relationship, if you want a relationship and a child then do what you can to have a relationship. No point complaining of you sit at home watching tv every night and not getting out there ... places are open to meet people

I feel sorry for anyone who is unhappy.

I try not to judge people or treat them differently, and I believe no one deserves to be judged or made to feel inferior.

I wouldn't pity them, definitely envy them though!

Nah, many of my colleagues are single women in their early 40s. They look like they are having a ball living their best life. I think they may feel a bit sorry for me having a life that revolves around a husband and child

@WaltzingBetty. It sounds like our lives are opposite from each other at the moment. But I completely respect your life choices as the ones that make YOU happy. As you said, I save my pity for those in abusive relationships or who are struggling with children

"This thread has really wound me up! Nobody would bat an eyelid about a single childless man approaching 40"

&I would. I’d pity him too.*

But why, @StreetLightsHoney? What for?

I'm one of these women (although not exactly single but not exactly in a relationship either), and if anything, I feel sorry sometimes for people who are married with a family as it sounds like a prison to me but I guess they're happy that way so I don't really think much about it.

Chillychangchoo

not sure why you need to make personal attack, is it a way to express your bitterness or something?

The attitude of needing to have a man and kids by a certain age is very real.
I have a friend who is friends with a mum who has 4 girls. They are all late twenties with kids and married except for the eldest who is 37, single and no children. You should hear the pity they have for this woman. So many people say "I feel so sorry for Charlotte. Must be so hard seeing all her sisters moving on and being a success while she is left behind.'
Trying to pretend these attitudes do not exist is very wrong because they are very much alive. Even in 2021.

I wouldn't presume to feel sorry for a woman in that situation unless I knew it wasn't what she wanted.

I do have one friend who is there (we are in our early 40s) and I do feel bad for her as I know she definitely would have wanted at least an LTR and I think ideally kids by now and it's sad because she is such a lovely person.

I know other women older than me however who are powering through life quite happily without a relationship or kids and I am delighted for them

@Cantrecall

Lol I’ve not even read the thread but I can’t WAIT until I’m approaching 40, got rid of arsehole dh and the kids will have moved out so il be SINGLE . Why on Earth would I feel sorry for them I ENVY them

This is surely not a serious post?

I am referring to the women in my life

So, you’re asking if we feel sorry for certain women you know, in your life, that you don’t feel sorry for?

I’m 42, I don’t have children but I do feel sorry for my friends who have children.

Although I DO find @Cantrecall's post really odd. Like I said 'surely she is not serious!'

@Paperreceipt

I’m 42, I don’t have children but I do feel sorry for my friends who have children.

Oh dear.......

I have one single female friend in this situation. She doesn’t want children and is very happy. She has a very active social life and her own personal space. So no I don’t feel sorry for her.