To think it’s rude to ignore text or WhatsApp messages?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

If you need to get a response use your voice. Phone a person. You're being rude to expect a reply to an informal contact.

No I think people should respond when it suits them, the person the message is sent to. Not the person that is sending it. Having access to people 24/7 doesn’t meant you are entitled to a response 24/7. You get a response when they’re ready to respond.

It is rude. Last weekend I invited 3 people to have a drink in my garden as everywhere in walking distance was already booked or you had to be a member.
One replied yes straight away, one replied half an hour before we were due to meet and one still hasn't responded.
A quick yes I can or no I can't would have been more than sufficient.

Does she do it a lot or is this a one off? Maybe she read it and intended to reply when she had a minute but then forgot

A lot of people open the message then forget to respond, I’ve been guilty of this in the past. I’ve also been absolutely convinced I have replied only to be prompted for a response later down the line.

I realised today that I read a message on Thursday but my phone died before I could reply & forgot all about it. Tbf it wasn't a request or invite just chit chat. I would never expect a response asap either.

I have a phone for my convenience, not for other people. If it is important/time sensitive then actually call them.

Yep it’s really rude, people might as well say ‘I’m far too important and busy to respond, you are not worthy!’

I quite often reply but don't actually send!

I think it depends whether you've asked a question, often.

I have a friend that constantly Whatsapps me messages and photos. Often I look at them and think, Wow. Picture of your new plant. Exciting.

I don't always feel the need to reply and it irritates me to be expected to text every day saying, Gosh...you have been busy. That looks great! or whatever. It feels a bit like a toddler bringing you things to show you what they've found.

They might be busy/not be bothered about your message. If you need a response it's best to phone.

I can get very overwhelmed with messages. I don't like to be in communication with people 24/7 and sometimes have to take a day or two away from feeling obliged to respond to things. It doesn't mean I don't love and/ or value the people I haven't responded to but it can get too much. It is an expectation in my job that I respond to everyone within a working day, I don't need that in my personal life as well.

Your friend might be feeling similar.

So for example yesterday she messaged me first and said ‘hi how are you?’ And I replied that I was fine etc and asked how she was etc and have had nothing in response since. It’s not an isolated incident either. Then earlier today I tried again and have been ignored since, and she came online (whattsapp) clearly to read it, then immediately went off line again. Why bother messaging if you can’t be bothered answering?

It’s really bloody rude IMO because I always answer people as soon as I can, even if it’s just a yes or no brief answer. But then maybe I’m expecting too much of other people?

Yabu.
Its easily forgotten unless it's earth shattering.

Yeah I think expecting a response from a friend within 24 hrs is reasonable. Assuming of course it's a reasonable kind of communication and not along the lines of 'why won't you go out with me again? why? why? why'.

seeing as she initiated the chat it is a bit weird she didn't bother then responding.

@LongLiveGoblingKing

I can get very overwhelmed with messages. I don't like to be in communication with people 24/7 and sometimes have to take a day or two away from feeling obliged to respond to things. It doesn't mean I don't love and/ or value the people I haven't responded to but it can get too much. It is an expectation in my job that I respond to everyone within a working day, I don't need that in my personal life as well.

Your friend might be feeling similar.

This is me.

Incidentally, almost everyone I know is cool with this. I know people who are the same/worse and people who would always reply instantly. Everyone seems to understand that im not brilliant at messaging. Unless I've mis-read the situation, everyone seems fine about that and doesn't take it personally. Maybe I just know quite confident people who don't personalise this stuff?

“I always answer people as soon as I can”

Do you do that because you enjoy replying/get some pleasure from the exchange of messages — or do you do it because you feel socially obliged to?

If you like to — well great, but you can’t assume everyone else also enjoys messaging and wants to reply ASAP.

If you feel obliged to — you’ve kind of invented that obligation for yourself. There is no such universal rule and the idea of it being necessary is totally subjective.

Give yourself and other people a break. The world won’t end if you, or they, let non-urgent messages sit for a while.

I do this when people are messaging me too much and annoying me

I think you have to appreciate that people often have a lot going on and aren’t always glued to their phones.

My DP is self-employed, teaching sport at a high level in 1-2 hour slots for 10-14 hours a day. Then when he gets home, he spends a lot of time booking in lessons with people which often takes a bit of back and forth and the rest of his time he’s planning for players development etc.

It’s ridiculous the amount of friends and family who then pester me because he hasn’t replied to them within their expected time frames. Or complain to me that he takes ages to reply to their inane WhatsApp chat. He’s simply very busy and doesn’t have time to be checking his phone until he gets home which might be 10 or 11 o’clock and night.

Yes I suppose it is a bit of an obligation from my end if I’m honest, but like I said I don’t expect someone to answer me immediately. Just an acknowledgement would be enough. Also I don’t message this person everyday so it’s hardly likely that I’m bombarding them either.

I never understand why people feel aggrieved if they can see that someone has been online during the time period they haven't replied. How does this make any difference? Contrasting it to when you don't know what they've been doing - they've been watching TV, outside, online etc during that time period too. It's unlikely they were away from their phone completely for the 24hr/48hr/72hr they haven't replied.

So I don't get why seeing that they've been online makes any difference!

I don't think it's rude as I view texts and WhatsApp message the same as emails.

Having said that, I think the example about the drinks is a bit rude if that message was read, as the person was trying to arrange something and not to reply past the time the event is happening, if the msg has been read, is rude - as it would be nice to let the friend know so she knows who to expect, etc.

OP, many are simply are wrapped up in their own world. It’s just the way most people are unfortunately.

Threads like this are the reason I dont do this kind of social media because I am simply not interested in chit chat which really has no purpose. Ive only owned a smart phone for a year and its smart enough to stay out of my way unless I need it. The phone is for MY convenience and not so other people can pester me.