To think it’s rude to ignore text or WhatsApp messages?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

Gosh, I’m so glad none of my friends seem to expect this. I’ve got two young kids and work part time; my evenings are spent catching up on housework or a blissful hour to myself reading a book or speaking to DH. I almost always read messages when they come in to check it’s nothing urgent, but will take my time to respond until I have a moment. My friends all do the same. I can’t imagine being so needy about a message which is just chatty.

This is why I don't have WhatsApp. I loathe the thought of people being able to see if I've read a message or not.

But it's the kind of message OP. She made contact to say hi how are you - which simply means "I'm thinking of you".

You then took time to make a nice reply - which is great if you're happy to do so, if you're not happy, or feel a big obligation, then don't!

She is then getting on with life, presumably when she has some time she'll reply in a similar way? Or perhaps the moment passes and she never does. Either way, can't you just take from it "My friend was thinking of me" and move on?

The examples of people not replying to invitations etc genuinely are rude.

Its

I have my mobile on silent/do not disturb permanently. I've got it set so that the only numbers that make it actually ring (and buzz my Fitbit on my arm) are my daughters school, my parents and DH.

I hate the feeling of being constantly 'on' and expected to read, reply, respond, answer straight away. I don't want to be always contactable. I check it a couple of times a day and maybe use it for an hour while my toddler naps to have a browse through SM if I've nothing else to do. We don't have a house phone either.

I do generally reply to things pretty promptly but once I've replied it's likely that I'll disappear offline again almost immediately for a few hours.

I think people around me are used to it and don't expect an immediate response from me! I certainly don't expect immediate responses from others!

What the message is for will depend on whether it's rude or not.

Invite - rude to ignore for long
Unsolicited joke you don't find funny- perfectly okay.

Checking up with someone's health or mental well being - if sincere could be done by phone

Asking a favour - depends on the friendship.

I'd say I respond to people relative to their importance to me.
If people don't respond back quickly I think that I'm not that important to them. But that's just me

Sometimes its just forgetful.
I know I've started replies and meant to add something to it and later found my reply still in draft form.
General chit chat like that in your example doesn't need an immediate response.

Agree. I wouldn’t expect someone to message me asap unless it was necessary and with OP’s situation, it wasn’t. OP’s friend probably didn’t expect OP to answer so quickly either and was likely simply thinking of them and texted to OP when she had a free moment. Most people I know wouldn’t expect quick responses via text unless it was important and if it was important, why wouldn’t you just call the person instead?

Well she finally answered me last night at about midnight when I was asleep so didn’t see them till this morning! Weird and annoying but I suppose maybe I’m expecting too much of people.

So your friend sent a message to you and you’re annoyed because they didn’t answer in your timeframe over a general question that didn’t require any urgency. YABVU.

^^ this. I honestly don’t see how it’s “weird” or “annoying” for someone to reply overnight.

I do take your point OP, but a couple of points:

-We are reaching overload point with the constant pinging of WhatsApp groups, work messengers etc. it is very easy to loose track of a message (especially if 90% of what you receive isn't that important)

-I have quite a few times glanced at a message a just received while in the middle of something else, this causes me to reply late of occasionally not at all

@LemonJuiceFromConcentrate

^^ this. I honestly don’t see how it’s “weird” or “annoying” for someone to reply overnight.

This! Quite often I will read messages but I don’t have the brain space to reply properly until later on at night. I’d hope that all my friends understand.

I have done this when struggling with anxiety/depression/etc.
Usually I'm trying to maintain friendships by keeping in touch, but get overwhelmed with trying to respond - especially if someone asks "how are you?"
Seems like a simple question, but when I'm trying to stave off a mental breakdown, I don't want to offload my problems on someone else even if they'd be willing to listen (honestly I'm often unable to admit how bad things have gotten) and at the same time, I'm unable to lie and say I'm fine.
Fortunately my friends accept this "bad" behaviour, in the same way that I accept that this friend is never on time but is an amazingly helpful with practical problems, or that friend is terrible at budgeting and occasionally needs to borrow money until payday but is incredibly generous with their time.

My job involves long hours and is very intense. If I get a message I will usually check it in case it's an emergency/time critical thing to do with DC or other loved ones. So it'll show as read. But I won't have time to reply if it's non-urgent. By the time I do, I've often forgotten or am so mentally exhausted I just need to be left alone. I'm still the friend you'd call if you needed me at 3am though as I'm always reliable when needed. I just don't do inconsequential chat or arrange non-time-critical things until it suits me. Different folks, different strokes and all that but never seems to cause any issues in my life.

@wearetheweirdosmr

What the message is for will depend on whether it's rude or not.

Invite - rude to ignore for long
Unsolicited joke you don't find funny- perfectly okay.

Checking up with someone's health or mental well being - if sincere could be done by phone

Asking a favour - depends on the friendship.

I'd say I respond to people relative to their importance to me.
If people don't respond back quickly I think that I'm not that important to them. But that's just me

I agree with this.

I think it's weird for you to note exactly when she was online, tbh.

If you need an answer say so. Say by when you need to know. As with most things on AIBU this could be solved with clearer communication