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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s rude to ignore text or WhatsApp messages?

140 replies

BiscoffAddict · 08/05/2021 15:21

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

OP posts:
Pinkclarko · 08/05/2021 23:06

This is why I disabled read receipts and last seen. Don’t want people to feel bad wondering why I haven’t replied sooner if I’ve read their message and don’t want to wonder myself why someone hasn’t replied, takes the pressure off everyone!

Slub · 08/05/2021 23:16

I am so glad I'm old 😂
Don't have Facebook/Instagram/Twitter/ - just phone calls and texts.

If I don't fancy responding straight away I won't and at the same time I don't expect the same from friends/family but will confess I'm in the minority nowadays!

Pinkyavocado · 08/05/2021 23:58

No not rude. I think smart phones are the worst invention ever, your life just isn’t your own. I reply to messages when I feel like it, if it’s not a life and death situation, Luckily it comes up on my watch so it doesn’t show as read. Ive actually started not turning my phone on at all if I’m home.

SteveArnottsWaistcoat · 09/05/2021 00:17

On a personal level, no one is obliged to respond to anyone’s messages.

However there are definitely times when it does look rude if you’re ignored, and I’d specify this in professional terms.

Alissicca17 · 09/05/2021 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Talkingmouse · 09/05/2021 00:50

If this is the biggest issue you have in your life to post about...you are doing very well 😉

YABU, obviously. No friend should be under any ‘obligation’ to respond in a specifically prescribed manner within a specific time frame. Relax.

EmeraldShamrock · 09/05/2021 00:57

No. I find the expectation of a response within a certain time frame more annoying.

rarzy · 09/05/2021 07:42

I don’t know how MNetters keep friendships going as they never seem to reply to their friends messages?!?!

Because we are friends with like minded people?

Immunetypegoblin · 09/05/2021 07:48

God, I'd have no friends if they called me instead of messaging; the horror of that unanticipated interaction would put me off them for life Grin does anyone honestly prefer a call to a text?!

I think your friend was rude in the situation you describe OP.

Chasingamy · 09/05/2021 07:54

YANBU in this particular incident why initiate contact (one that warrants a reply) and then ignore your message. What was the point.

eatsleepread · 09/05/2021 08:00

I sent my best friend a message two days ago, asking if she fancied meeting up next weekend. She read it and ignored. But got in touch this morning (on a different platform) to tell me about her date last night.
On this occasion, she can find someone else to dissect her love life with.
I feel done.

Iwant2move · 09/05/2021 08:03

YABU. Phone if it needs an immediate response. I can remember when text messages could take up to 48 hours to be delivered so don’t rely on them if I want an immediate response.

Jossse · 09/05/2021 08:06

Maybe it was what were you asking?
Sometimes people don't want to do what you're asking and don't reply because they don't want to say No outright.
I've experienced this in the past.

Italiandreams · 09/05/2021 08:12

I have a job where I can’t be in my phone and spend most of my spare time running round after a toddler. I mostly don’t reply to people straight away.

itsgettingwierd · 09/05/2021 08:14

It is rude.

I agree it's up to someone to reply when they're free and also people can choose not to answer a phone.

But to read a message and not respond within 24 hours is rude.

I think we are heading into a weird social norm with this attitude of people have a right not to respond and text being informal.

My mums currently in hospital and after dad rang me and siblings yesterday to inform us personally he uses our what's app group to keep us updated. It's not "informal". It's a valid way of giving numerous people an update at the same time.

MrsTroutfire · 09/05/2021 08:17

I work early afternoon until almost midnight and am constantly reading messages which I won't be able to reply to that day (unless then want a message alert at 1am).

itsgettingwierd · 09/05/2021 08:21

@eatsleepread

I sent my best friend a message two days ago, asking if she fancied meeting up next weekend. She read it and ignored. But got in touch this morning (on a different platform) to tell me about her date last night. On this occasion, she can find someone else to dissect her love life with. I feel done.
I had a friend like this.

I stopped initiating contact as I only ever got a response when she chose, or she ignored invites etc but if she text me and I didn't respond within an hour I'd get "you ok?"

Now she contacts me every few months to tell me something and ask how I am. I'm always polite and respond when I'm sat down with time. And every comment of "you don't contact me much anymore" is responded to with "ditto"

I don't jump to my phone every time it buzzes but it's bloody rude to have the attitude that a phone you've given the contact details of to another person is for your convenience and not there's. If you don't want people contacting you then don't give them the number! Don't have them on SM etc.

KarmaIsAnAngel · 09/05/2021 08:24

@BiscoffAddict

Yes I suppose it is a bit of an obligation from my end if I’m honest, but like I said I don’t expect someone to answer me immediately. Just an acknowledgement would be enough. Also I don’t message this person everyday so it’s hardly likely that I’m bombarding them either.
An acknowledgment they’ve seen it?

Because the blue ticks or ‘seen’ show that. You have your acknowledgment.

I prefer to wait until I have time to and want to reply with a decent message so don’t reply with short acknowledgments, can leave texts from best friends unopened or on read for days or sometimes weeks. Everyone has lives to lead and there’s no obligation to reply unless you want to and are choosing to.

This pressure would drive me up the wall! Imagine every message needed replying to within a day, you’d be having daily back and forth conversations with every friend! Exhausting.

WildfirePonie · 09/05/2021 08:26

OP, you just have to act how others act. If she reads and doesn't reply, do the same. Why not? Laugh if she dares to ask why you read her message but didnt reply.

Or uninstall WhatsApp. Best thing I ever did.

ElderMillennial · 09/05/2021 08:31

YABU. Phone if it needs an immediate response. I can remember when text messages could take up to 48 hours to be delivered so don’t rely on them if I want an immediate response.

You must realise this is not the case anymore though. It doesn't take a text 48 hours to be delivered.

SallyCinnabon · 09/05/2021 08:32

If you need an urgent response to something you call, messages and emails are to be replied to on the recipients time.

I had a WhatsApp off a friend in the morning, the other week. I was in work all day and thought I’d reply when I got home but before I’d even left work I hd another one asking why I hadn’t replied. Confused I find that really needy tbh and it puts me off. It’s assuming I’ve nothing better to do and can just stop what I’m doing and reply straight away.

Italiandreams · 09/05/2021 08:48

I agree @SallyCinnabon. It’s not that friends aren’t important to me, but when I’m at work I do not have a chance to reply often, and when not I’m running round after a toddler and that does come first. If people do not understand that they are being needy.

Frankiethebubblefish · 09/05/2021 09:16

Putting this out as an alternative. People tend to isolate themselves when times are hard, not replying to messages is another form of this. Rather than judging perhaps reach out to see how they are actually

mermaidsariel · 09/05/2021 09:19

@Frankiethebubblefish

Putting this out as an alternative. People tend to isolate themselves when times are hard, not replying to messages is another form of this. Rather than judging perhaps reach out to see how they are actually
This is true, but if someone won’t reply or replies wirh one line, it’s a waste of time.
Toffeesprinkles · 09/05/2021 09:35

Having read through the responses I seem to be in a minority but i do think it's rude to not reply to a message. It takes 30 seconds to acknowledge that someone has made contact with you. If something is important to you then you make time for it - my friends are important to me so I will always make time for them. However I think there's a lot to be said for being friends with like-minded people. If one person doesn't have the time or inclination to reply to every message and the other person finds that upsetting then perhaps that friendship isn't going to go anywhere.

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