To think it’s rude to ignore text or WhatsApp messages?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

YANBU.

I'd have no pals if anyone was offended at how long it takes me to text back. If it was important then yeah, but anything other than life or death can wait until I'm ready. Thankfully my pals are chilled out and not aggy

If it's bothering you OP, then next time she sends a 'hi, how are you' message just don't respond if it's not convenient for you.

I think having to respond really depends on the context of the message. If it's important, or I haven't spoken to someone in ages - of course I will.
But if it's just random crap they are sending me, and I'm busy then I won't bother. Thankfully my friends don't seem to care, and I wouldn't judge them either.

Having social media on your phone can be incredibly intrusive, I don't think extraverted people quite understand how draining it can be for some of us who don't want to be contacted all the time, or monitored as to how long it takes us to reply.

I would find it irritating to be expected to respond to every message, particularly as one of my friends (whom I adore and speak to regularly) will send me photos of what she is doing throughout the day - her food, her plants etc.
I used to respond with a short message or emoji, but now I only do if I have the time/ mental energy. If she has a genuine question or some news, that's different, but it bothers me that I'm expected to give my attention all day long to her.
Even though like I said we are brilliant friends who have known each-other for years. We just use our phones differently - I need to switch off more, whereas she lives on her phone.

People are just different, you may need to adjust your expectations, or tell her it bothers you.

I think those people who describe it as an ‘obligation’ to reply etc sum it up.
I have friends and I’m happy, I don’t need or want to be messaging people who see a reply to me as an obligation/ irrational/ annoying demand on their time. I message people who are happy to hear from me (I’m not a big tester, a few people here and there are plenty).
That’s why I tend to phase these people out. They aren’t really into the friendship. Life is too short. Stay in contact with people where you make each other mutually happy. Jon Mari approach, does it spark joy?
Obviously you know who has a new baby/ no signal at home/ works crazy hours. Not those people. Just the ones who get uptight about being contacted and don’t really seem to like you much, drop and move on. They may not notice anyway:

I often read the message from my notifications when doing something and then forget to actually open the app later. Then sometimes it's been so long I get anxious about sending a delayed reply. Especially if I have messages waiting from more than one person. 🤷‍♀️

When I am at work, I will sometimes glance at my phone to skim the messages that have come in, and just check if there is something that requires an urgent response, so the sender will know that I have seen it, but that doesn't mean I am under any obligation to reply to it, because I am actually at work.
Same when doing other things - there might be 10 seconds to glance to see what has come in, but noticing there is no urgent thing that needs to be dealt with, the phone will then be put down again.

I have a mobile phone, and I use WhatsApp for MY convenience, not so that anyone else has the right to demand what I do with my time.
Am a bit surprised that anyone is so needy they feel offended if someone doesn't put a thumbs up to a message that isn't actually asking them anything crucial.

My personal phone is on silent/vibrate all the time I am at work. I do not take calls, answer messages during that time. My family/friends know this and do not try to contact me then. In an emergency we have a code of ringing twice in close succession which I will answer. While I am not at work my phone is for my convenience. I pay the bill. I decide when/who I communicate with. My family/friends know that too!
I do not expect my family/friends to be at my instant beck and call either!
The boundaries explained, we are all comfortable with that arrangement and no-one gets petty about it.

Why text me first asking if I’m ok and then ignore it though? I just can’t see the point in that. She started the conversation.

YABU. I ignore people all the time.

If it’s urgent, serious or an emergency then ring me.

I can see why that's annoying OP but maybe she didn't expect you to respond immediately and you didn't need to.

I had a friend who would message me and ask if I want to meet for a coffee. I'd reply saying yes sure how about next week / let me know when you're free and I wouldn't hear from her for weeks! I'd message in the meantime to check she's ok but I don't text her any more.

Well in this particular case she's being a friend checking in on how you are.? When you respond with fine, then she knows that you are doing ok and any response can be later.

If you had respond with im in a bad place and really struggling, and she ignored that. Then that would be rude

YABU

I personally hate using WhatsApp and have my privacy setting switched on so people can't see if I've read the message and vice versa.

I have a busy job with lots of stressful interactions with people and being glued to a computer screen all day. I find it stressful to spend too much of my time that I have to myself staring at a screen.

That said, when I do sit down and respond I treat it like an email and do a well thought out reply.

Everyone's different. Some use it for short, sharp messaging, others, like me, view it as a necessary 'evil'. My friends know that and a lot of my friends are on the same vine as that. I just don't find it a nice way to talk to people and much prefer face to face (when possible).

I don't appreciate assertions from 'friends' that not being glued to my phone 24/7 and happily leaving it for hours in another room is rude behaviour.

However if you're organising something I can imagine it's frustrating if you don't get a response.

If it is really and genuinely in need of a reply (not 'urgent' because of your poor planning) then phone. Talking to people is still allowed.

As for those who don't reply to texts, emails and other messages, some people just don't seem to. I don't know if there is a correlation between this and people who cannot ever be on time without good reason, though.

It depends on the context. If it's about making plans or something important, then yes, reply as soon as you can. If it's just informal chat, no obligation to respond and it's easy to forget. Casually asking 'how are you?' belongs to the second category, I think.
And if I need reply fast, I'll call. No need to get annoyed if something can be settled with a phonecall.

I have all the notifications for whats app turned of as I am in a lot of group chats so really don't want it pinging all the time.
So I wouldn't necessarily respond to a WhatsApp message straight away. I generally reply as soon as I've read one, if someone didn't bother replying to an invite within a couple of days I wouldn't bother inviting them again tbh and would wait for them to initiate next time.

Just phone

This sounds exactly like my best friend. She will usually message something like 'hey u ok?'. I would then reply with 'yeah r u?' even though I really can't be bothered with small talk. Then she would read it and not reply. Judging it really strange as she initiated the chat.

YANBU. Does my head in. 24 hours is perfectly reasonable to expect a reply within.

I don’t know how MNetters keep friendships going as they never seem to reply to their friends messages?!?!

My sister does this . It’s just really rude in my opinion.

I hate the buzz of a notification on my phone so I’ve turned off the buzz. It literally makes me feel anxious like “oh hell, what now??” way. I know that isn’t a normal reaction but it’s how I feel

That's exactly how I feel.
I just feel stressed out by this sort of thing all the time. I have WhatsApp notifications switched off so at least it isn't peeping at me all the time.
I can't be looking at WhatsApp all day. If I do have time at lunchtime I'll have a look and see if there's anything really urgent but most of the time it's just stuff that can wait.
Most people now know that if something is urgent and needs my attention they should phone me. It's quicker than sending endless messages back and forth arranging to meet up or whatever.

Phone calls annoy me even more though. (I sound so anti-social.....) But I get people ringing up and they get shirky if I don't pick up straightaway. There was one the other day got really huffy with me when I phoned them back an hour later but I'd been in the car! The person said "I've been trying to contact you for hours"... well according to my phone they had phoned once (while I was driving).
Then there was another friend who was pissed off because I didn't pick up - I was doing a massive shit at the time.

I'm self-employed and don't answer personal calls or reply to WhatsApp during my working hours. This seems to piss off some people no end. I think they are being rude. Even though I've explained the situation they don't seem to accept this. If I was in an office I couldn't be chatting away about somebody's shit husband while I was supposed to be working.

I should have added, if someone invites me to something on WhatsApp I do reply the same day but they will most likely receive a reply in the evening. I do think it's rude not to say yes or no to an invite but I think that some people's idea of what is an acceptable time frame is a bit skewed.

It's not always possible to reply immediately, sometimes I'll be busy or talking to someone and just check what the message says in case it's something urgent, then will reply later on. I always always reply but not always immediately if I'm in the middle of something.

If we all applied this logic, when would the messaging ever stop?!
Yabu. Call her if it’s urgent. Get on with your life in the meantime if it’s not.

@UhtredRagnarson

No I think people should respond when it suits them, the person the message is sent to. Not the person that is sending it. Having access to people 24/7 doesn’t meant you are entitled to a response 24/7. You get a response when they’re ready to respond.

This! It is ridiculous how people are expected to live their lives rushing to respond to random messaged. If you need a response call. Otherwise wait for a response when they have time to answer.