To think it’s rude to ignore text or WhatsApp messages?

[BiscoffAddict]

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

Ugh, YABU. The modern world seems to insist we have to be in touch with everyone at all times. Well I'm touched out, completely. i was so much more sociable when communications were more restricted and so felt actually meaningful. Texting and messaging is such a throwaway way of keeping in touch, yet people seem to attach so much importance to it. Knowing people such as yourself are there judging me for not responding makes me even less enthusiastic about replying.

My phone buzzing a notification now just gets an eyeroll and a "FFS." Unless it's work related or it is something I actually need to engage with, you're unlikely to get a response. Way past what is probably reasonable, but like I said, I'm touched out to the point of misanthropy.

If its time sensitive then I always reply in good time. If its from one of my kids or my mum or mil needing something I will reply straight away. General chit chat, I will reply when its convenient. That could be anything up to a week. If my friends want to chat they call me & vice versa

My phone buzzing a notification now just gets an eyeroll and a "FFS."

I hate the buzz of a notification on my phone so I’ve turned off the buzz. It literally makes me feel anxious like “oh hell, what now??” way. I know that isn’t a normal reaction but it’s how I feel.

Sometimes life gets in the way.

I often get messages at times when it’s not convenient to reply and then forget or get caught up in other things.

I answer questions quickly if I see them, I put Focus mode on when working so I see messages in a similar pattern to if I was actually in the office.
Chit chat can be a day or two because I don't like text chit chat and prefer calls so have to have energy to respond to those type of messages.
I do like group chats on WhatsApp because they are a good way to keep in touch with family/friend groups easily. The ones who want loads of interaction get it and the onus to respond is spread out.
But I think the friend in the OP is rude, if I respond to a chit chat message someone else initiated I expect them to reply.
Doesn't have to be immediately but at some point before I forgot I texted them back would be good.

DH sent me a text on Tuesday when I was out shopping as he forgot to ask me to pick up something. He mentioned it when I got home without the item and I said I hadn't seen the text. The text beeped onto my phone this morning so 3 1/2 days to get to me.

I've a friend who thinks I'm ignoring her but mostly I haven't heard from her for a month.

I've started weeding people like this out of my life. The turn up lates, the non committers, the non replyers. I don't need people in my life who don't give a fuck about me.

@BiscoffAddict

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

Yanbu at all. Who can't take two minutes to reply? I'd phase her out.

It’s become a thing I’ve found, I can’t relate. It’s like replying is a huge drama.

I’ve actually over the last year just stopped bothering with people who do it all the time, and just supported the friendships that flow naturally and happily. It’s worked pretty well, just engaging in straight forward dialogue. One woman is bothered, seems to feel ignored but I’m fed up of being the instigator and carrying all the interaction. I want equal friendships. She stroppily pointed out recently in a group chat no one had responded but she actually had wanted to go to the place the other person suggested... she had zero awareness that she also hadn’t responded, just has the expectation others will. She rarely responds, but then shows up still.

I don’t btw dislike those who don’t want to interact, their valid choice. I’ve just realised it made me feel like a bother or irritant so I just phased those people out. Presumably it doesn’t bother them mostly.

YABU

This is asked on here quite a lot.

If you need an answer, phone someone.
If you don't, then it doesn't matter.
It doesn't sound like you were asking them anything that needed an answer, more just chat.
People can glance at their messages at times when they are busy, think 'Oh, I'll answer that later when I have a few mins' and then forget. Happens all the time. Not an issue.

@UhtredRagnarson

No I think people should respond when it suits them, the person the message is sent to. Not the person that is sending it. Having access to people 24/7 doesn’t meant you are entitled to a response 24/7. You get a response when they’re ready to respond.

This. With bells on. If something is that urgent then that's why phones are, well phones! It really aggravates me that these days people are just expected to be reachable and responsive 24/7.

Yanbu at all. Who can't take two minutes to reply? I'd phase her out

OP was just after a thumbs up or emoji. And you are suggesting she phase her friend out for not doing that?

No one has the right to demand a response from me. My phone is mine and for my convenience not anyone else’s.

I can go days between checking my messages. If you want to contact me then you need to ring me but don’t leave a voice message as I rarely check for those either.

If I could get a mobile that was literally just a phone then I would jump at it

I've no mobile signal at home and texts just disappear into the ether and never get to me.It's so frustrating when people complain to me that I didn't reply to texts I didn't receive.

I find it really rude to OP.
I get that people cannot answer necessarily straight away for various reasons but I have had this recently where after a week I had not had a reply and could see it had been read. The person in question is also on a group chat and also read all those messages and also did not reply.
I prefer to send what’s app messages as I am not always sure it’s convenient to ring and don’t want people to feel they have to answer the phone if not convenient but can see I have made contact and then they can answer within a few days etc after a week in my opinion is rude.
The person I text eventually replied to a second text albeit briefly and the second text was sent after a week. It comes down to priorities in my opinion and I think to a good friend /close family member people generally respond more quickly.

I have an aunt who will reply to a text with "busy watching eastenders/ eating dinner/ whatever. Will reply later"

Just reply later then. It's a text message of a non urgent description, just reply when it's suitable for you to do so.

A text is not a summons.

I quite often get a text, read it, then DD needs to be down for a nap/ up from her nap/ lunch/ a bottle/ to be stopped from whatever feral behaviour is occurring. Then I forget and do the million and one other things I need to get done. It's never anything personal

I have the 'double tick' switched off on my messengers for that reason.
I will answer (or not) at my leisure.

Sorry no I disagree. WhatsApp is informal social media. I sometimes forget to answer people and don't mean anything by it. I also have friends who do it to me. We're all busy with work and family. No issue whatsoever. I find people who chase me up or get arsey a lot more rude.

I have a friend like this OP and find it really rude. Everyone else in my friendship group replies not immediately but usually within a few hours but one friend is so hot and cold, it really irritates me.

OP I used to think like you and found it annoying if friends didn't reply to messages or took ages to reply (days or weeks) but now I think differently. I don't think those people were invested in the friendship and generally I made more effort than they did.

It depends on the friendship though too. I have some friendships that are more like a pen pal relationship and we exchange long messages which could have a week or more between them but the messages cover lots of things that are going on in our lives at the time.

Whereas a "hi how are you?" or a shorty message about something going on at the time would usually warrant a faster response. Not immediate, though, probably within 24 hours.

Then I also have a friend who seems to expect immediate answers even though she doesn't give them. We have an instant messaging system at work and if I message her she can take ages to respond or not at all. If she messages me and I don't respond she'll message again "Elder? Are you there?"

It depends. If it’s a question with a deadline then yes not responding in a way which allows you to make a decision is fairly inconsiderate: eg are you free Thursday evening?, would like to book.

If it’s just general chit chat YABU.

Also people have so much constant contact these days via electronic media, a lot of people feel quite overwhelmed by it. There’s no obligation to respond to banter or random observations.

YABVU.

People are not under any form of obligation to reply to anyone for whatever reason. They might be busy, have other stuff on, or just don't feel in the mood to respond.

If it's that urgent, pick up, call them. And if they don't answer, don't keep bloody going on at them.

It's something that really annoys me, people thinking that the world revolves around them and everyone should be available 24/7.

Rant over lol.

Totally depends.

I'm ill at the moment and have various friends checking in. So I read the messages but I don't always have the energy to respond.

If its a general, how are you doing, then I can't just reply fine so don't always do it straight away.

But if it a specific question. Eg is it ok to send flowers or cam I visit tomorrow then I will reply