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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s rude to ignore text or WhatsApp messages?

140 replies

BiscoffAddict · 08/05/2021 15:21

I’m not one of those people who expects an immediate response to my texts, but surely it’s not unreasonable to expect some kind of response within say 24 hours especially when you can see that they’ve read the messages or been online? At one point I messaged my friend yesterday and I could see she’d been online but didn’t respond at all. I don’t even expect a long reply, just a thumbs up or an emoji as a response would be enough. AIBU to think that’s actually really bloody rude.

OP posts:
Italiandreams · 09/05/2021 09:51

My friends are important to me, my children are more important to me. Luckily I have like minded friends.

Plumbear2 · 09/05/2021 10:15

My generation grew up with one house phone that we all shared in my teens, before that we relied on the public phone box. We really don't need to be in contact 24/7 . I will respond to something urgent, my kids or school anything else can wait untill I have a minute. I find constant txts for no apparant reason intrusive. The problem is the current generation expect everything instantly, it's intrusive.

Alisesia · 09/05/2021 10:35

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ElderMillennial · 09/05/2021 12:02

OP I'm starting to think you're a bit rude for starting this thread and not responding to our comments since yesterday evening Grin

Stickytreacle · 09/05/2021 12:31

@Plumbear2

My generation grew up with one house phone that we all shared in my teens, before that we relied on the public phone box. We really don't need to be in contact 24/7 . I will respond to something urgent, my kids or school anything else can wait untill I have a minute. I find constant txts for no apparant reason intrusive. The problem is the current generation expect everything instantly, it's intrusive.
I agree with this, I think it's actually more rude to bombard people with trivial messages expecting an immediate response than it is to ignore messages. Especially if people are dealing with their own issues at the time.
Mvemjsunp86 · 09/05/2021 12:39

YABU. How do you think people managed relationships before texts and WhatsApp? They called each other and met up - meaningful interactions. This is still how I approach my friendships - have many friendly acquaintances and 5-10 close friends, 3 super close friends.

Unless it is a time limited request, someone is clearly upset and needs support or it is otherwise urgent, we all spend a few days at least before getting back to each. More importantly, we ensure that we have regular catch-ups or phone calls in the diary so that we can maintain that closeness and have proper conversations.

This is also why I have turned 'read' notifications and last seen off on WhatsApp. To push back on the more needy/clingy of my friends (though have mostly phased those out).

MiaMarshmallows · 09/05/2021 12:43

I used to know someone like this. Ended up cutting contact in the end as I knew they would reply to people they found more important. Hmm

BearFacedCheekGrylls · 09/05/2021 12:45

Depends what you are asking. I ignored a message on Thursday as it’s the fourth time they have asked the same question and I’ve said no each time.
Are you my friend?

Liliolla · 09/05/2021 13:01

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Original poster
BiscoffAddict · 09/05/2021 14:02

Well she finally answered me last night at about midnight when I was asleep so didn’t see them till this morning! Weird and annoying but I suppose maybe I’m expecting too much of people.

OP posts:
ElderMillennial · 09/05/2021 14:06

I don't think you're expecting too much OP but we all have different expectations and ways of doing things (as this thread demonstrates) and there is also that element of how much we are valued by the other person.

House2home21 · 09/05/2021 14:06

If it's an invite/question I always reply as soon as I can, chit chat, afraid I'm a bit rubbish, 2 toddlers, working for days a week and running a house just leaves me spent. also I spend all day on messenger on Teams at work and sometimes at the end of the day I'm just done with communicating and need to just go to bed.

I'm trying to get better at just doing v short holding type message until I can chit chat properly.

House2home21 · 09/05/2021 14:07

@BiscoffAddict - that's me, don't be harsh she probably loves and repsects you but that's the first time she's sat down all day.

Original poster
BiscoffAddict · 09/05/2021 14:08

@ElderMillennial

I don't think you're expecting too much OP but we all have different expectations and ways of doing things (as this thread demonstrates) and there is also that element of how much we are valued by the other person.
True. I think I’m probably going to take a step back a little. Not cut her out but just not respond to her messages as quickly as I have done. I do have tendency to give too much of myself to others.
OP posts:
eatsleepread · 09/05/2021 14:23

OP, I think some people on MN have a funny attitude to their phones. Like I'll have a smartphone, but I'll be damned if I have to use it.
It goes with the generally grudging attitude of some.

OppsUpsSide · 09/05/2021 14:29

I think it’s a bit needy and demanding to require a response, especially if it’s a message that just a thumbs up will do as a reply for.

Iwant2move · 09/05/2021 14:45

@ElderMillennial

YABU. Phone if it needs an immediate response. I can remember when text messages could take up to 48 hours to be delivered so don’t rely on them if I want an immediate response.

You must realise this is not the case anymore though. It doesn't take a text 48 hours to be delivered.

Yes. I’m aware of this. I just wonder if there is an age gap between those of us who think you should respond quickly and those of us happy to wait. I personally find it quite intrusive to have my phone pinging away constantly. I have holiday lets, so those messages are prioritised. Everything else is dealt with when I have the energy.
Italiandreams · 09/05/2021 15:26

I hope those saying people should reply straight away, are not the same people judging parents for being on their phone instead of interacting and playing with their children

noblegreenk · 09/05/2021 16:28

For me, texts and WhatsApp messages are very informal and I get round to them when I get chance - especially now I'm a parent. If someone wants to speak to me urgently then they need to call. If I don't answer for whatever reason, then leave me a voicemail and tell me that you need to speak to me. I'll always make sure I call back ASAP then.

Tbh, I wish I lived in a different era. It pisses me off that I'm expected to be at everyone's disposal on the end of phone at all hours of the day. To be frank, I think people nowadays need to sort themselves out and stop being so reliant on mobile phones. I bloody ridiculous.

mermaidsariel · 09/05/2021 17:48

What is really annoying is when someone asks me a question and I reply. Then there is radio silence. Or they only contact you when they want something.

House2home21 · 09/05/2021 21:22

Quite @mermaidsariel know what you mean there!

Frankiethebubblefish · 10/05/2021 06:36

@mermaidsariel think it depends on the friendship. ‘Waste of time’ for a long term friend who’s struggling and therefore giving one liners seems a bit harsh. Would potentially agree if it’s an acquaintance though

notacooldad · 10/05/2021 06:41

Sometimes its just forgetful.
I know I've started replies and meant to add something to it and later found my reply still in draft form.
General chit chat like that in your example doesn't need an immediate response. If you were asking for a reminder what time you were meeting up in the next couple of hours I would respond straight away.

APinchOfLOL · 10/05/2021 06:46

YABU

Yesterday I was working and when I turned on my phone I had 38 Whatsapp messages across 3 groups.

I didn't have time to read through it and it will have to wait till later.

YABU. People have other things to do with their lives. I prefer people to phone me up.

APinchOfLOL · 10/05/2021 06:48

Also, you messaged here on a Sunday. I don't look at my phone much over the weekend, especially if I am not working, as DH and DC are around me and any urgency is not there. I am shopping, chilling or doing chores and I don't look at my phone till Monday.