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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

548 replies

DrunkPosting · 07/05/2021 22:20

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

OP posts:
ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 08/05/2021 08:07

My friend had a child free wedding, and as a result loads of people couldn't come. I had to negotiate to even be able to bring my EBF bottle refusing baby. She was really huffy and offended that some people didn't come, and made a whole big thing of explaining that the reception venue could only fit so many people. In the end, having the perfect reception venue was more important to them than everyone being able to attend.

My other friend who got married a months earlier had lots of guests with young kids so she decided to hold the reception in a cheap and quite plain but very large and child friendly village hall/community center. It wasn't a grand and elegant wedding like the child free one, but every single person she invited was able to attend and we all had a blast. It was easily the best wedding I've ever been to. In the end having everyone she loved at her wedding was more important to her than having the perfect venue.

Of course everyone can make their own choice and I don't think it makes anyone a "megalomaniac" or anything, but I don't personally understand prioritising the perfect elegant venue over all you guests actually being able to attend.

OnlyInYourDreams · 08/05/2021 08:09

Other cultures seem to just embrace having all age-groups at social functions. other cultures embrace a lot of things that we don’t, and vice versus. And?

The shorty of people we invited to our wedding were delighted at the thought of having a child free day. Only one replied to say that she wouldn’t be coming because her child had not been invited. Hey-ho.

thepeopleversuswork · 08/05/2021 08:11

Weddings are for megalomaniacs, period. They are grotesque exercises in self-indulgence and conspicuous consumption. I'm not sure why people think that by introducing children into the mix you somehow change this.

The smaller, the fewer people, the better.

Rmka · 08/05/2021 08:12

I loved having children at our wedding, they were so great at getting people to come to the dancefloor. As a child I also attended many weddings and have the best memories. It's the only time the whole family gets to be together.
But if money is an issue, I understand. If a couple has different priorities at their wedding, I understand. They just have to be ok with some guests not being able to make it.
We had guests who brought their children happily, and those who left them home happily (by their choice), and the whole day was amazing.

overnightangel · 08/05/2021 08:13

@Horehound

It's up to the people paying.
Exactly. End of thread
ElphabaTWitch · 08/05/2021 08:18

It’s the bride and grooms day. Their marriage, their celebration, their way. ( although with pouty tantrum throwing family members it rarely works out to be just the way they want it due to megalomaniac family members).
You don’t HAVE to go to the wedding celebration. That’s YOUR choice as an invited guest surely?

edel2 · 08/05/2021 08:19

@JorisBonson

Biscuit
This post drives me mad. So bloody passive-aggressive.
Commonwasher · 08/05/2021 08:24

Up to the couple who they invite — but it’s also up to the guests whether they accept...

firstimemamma · 08/05/2021 08:25

Each to their own but we'll be having 16 guests and 7 of them will be children! Making the children feel special will be a big part of our day and they're all well behaved so I'm not remotely worried, just excited. It's of course up to the bride and groom though, I agree with that bit.

SallyCinnabon · 08/05/2021 08:25

I can see why couples do it to be honest. I’ve been to weddings where children have played up and shrieked during the ceremony and their parents don’t have the brain cells to pull them out, it’s really disrespectful.

ALevelhelp · 08/05/2021 08:25

Surely it's up to the couple?!

We had children at our wedding but we already had DS1 so he had to come and I work with children so like other people's children!

It's sometimes frustrating if children aren't invited, esp to family weddings, as those that we'd ask to babysit are normally with us! However I still think it's up to the bride and groom..

Milesbennettdyson · 08/05/2021 08:29

I don’t think OP actually knows what the word means as it doesn’t make any sense in the context of the conversation.

They’ve just picked a random word to attempt to sound superior in their opinion 😂😂😂

cookiecreampie · 08/05/2021 08:30

I always thought the same, but planning my own wedding we had to keep the numbers low to keep costs down. I just couldn't afford for them all to come as most of my friends had 3 or 4 kids. It changes the mood of the day if there's too many kids too.

MoppaSprings · 08/05/2021 08:30

We don’t have anyone local to us to help with child care. So if me and DH are invited a lot of the time only one of use is able to attend, which is fine.

CokeDrinker · 08/05/2021 08:30

@TwilightSkies

Child-free weddings are a very British thing. Other cultures seem to just embrace having all age-groups at social functions.
@TwilightSkies No they're not! Child-free weddings are the go in Australia, New Zealand and America as well. So, world-wide, really. Having children at weddings is not the norm. Just as having children at the Hen's Night or Buck's Night is not the norm.
WorkWorkAngelica · 08/05/2021 08:30

Even if my kids were invited I'd be leaving them at home! For a friend's wedding at least.

For family it's a bit different if they are part of the immediate family but even then at a family wedding my DS was there for a bit of it and then we arranged babysitting. Weddings aren't actually that much fun for many kids.

Botherfreedays · 08/05/2021 08:31

I suppose weddings are very different from what they used to be. Weddings used to be family events, so everyone was invited. Now they seem to have become more of an experience day geared towards adults. I'm generalising of course, but many people getting married want something different from their wedding day to years ago. Maybe it ties in with people getting married after they have lived together for some time?

CokeDrinker · 08/05/2021 08:33

@grafittiartist

I can understand it from a numbers point of view- but it makes me a bit sad to exclude children. The children in my family and friends families are just as much a part of my life, and I want to share nice time's with them. Behaviour issues- well, plenty of adults behave poorly at weddings!
Do you feel sad excluding your children from meetings with the bank manager? After all, having mortgage/roof over their head is just as much part of their life, right?

Some things children are not meant to be at. Bank manager, Hens/Bucks Night, weddings. Just an example.

Etulosba · 08/05/2021 08:33

The smaller, the fewer people, the better.

I had five people at my first wedding. The minimum legally possible.

It was shit.

NoProblem123 · 08/05/2021 08:37

Completely agree.

Child free weddings are dull as dishwater IMO.

coogee · 08/05/2021 08:41

Weddings used to be family events, so everyone was invited.

They still are in some families. It never occurred to me to exclude them. We provided things to keep them occupied and had a big relaxed party.

Absolutely no problems at all.

TheKeatingFive · 08/05/2021 09:00

Surely it’s more megalomaniac to think your kids deserve to be invited to every single event your friends may host?

Absolutely this

Lots of people totally over estimate how important their children are to their friends.

And those wanting invites for their children essentially want a lovely family day out - at the expense of the B&G’s actual friends attending their wedding.

JustLyra · 08/05/2021 09:19

The timing of this is quite funny. There’s a bit of trouble kicking off with some of DH’s friends as they’re getting married next year and have openly said that they’ll not be inviting all of that children.

Very bluntly (and bravely imo) they’ve told a couple of people that their children won’t be invited because they don’t behave when we go places like restaurants so they’re not taking the chance.

They’ve openly admitted it’s likely risking friendships, but they don’t want to cut all the kids out for the sake of a couple.

supermoonrising · 08/05/2021 09:21

Kids hate weddings. They have to wear uncomfortable clothes and they’re nearly always boring as hell. Adults only weddings are win win.

Meowchickameowmeow · 08/05/2021 09:27

@firstimemamma

Each to their own but we'll be having 16 guests and 7 of them will be children! Making the children feel special will be a big part of our day and they're all well behaved so I'm not remotely worried, just excited. It's of course up to the bride and groom though, I agree with that bit.
A genuine head tilt of not understanding going on here. Why do children have to feel special on a day that's not really about them?