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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

548 replies

DrunkPosting · 07/05/2021 22:20

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

OP posts:
LittleLottieChaos · 08/05/2021 06:59

I am very much looking forward to attending my brothers wedding without my son. I will be able to sit and enjoy my meal, speak to relatives without having to dash about and i get a whole nights sleep. It’s not just about the kids, it’s about their parents who want a pleasant break too!

Pinchoftums · 08/05/2021 06:59

We had 100 guests and 17 of them were kids when we got married. If we got married now it would be more like 35 as most friends have 2 but lots have 3 or 4. That's a lot of kids! We have 4 DC and never expect them to be invited.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 08/05/2021 07:06

We had a free bar and wanted people to feel free to make use of it. I didn’t want to people to have to remain sober and leave early because they were looking after their children or, even worse, get plastered and leave their kids unsupervised and unattended.We asked that no children were at the wedding.
A few years later, I was a parent and my cousin had a child free wedding. I was happy to follow their wishes. They had the big, expensive hotel type wedding so I understood how much adding children on to the bill would cost them.
A friend of mine had a no plus one rule wedding and that was far more miserable.

VettiyaIruken · 08/05/2021 07:10

Yabu.

The ceremony is boring as fuck so they play up or want to talk etc.
The meal. Eat the meal (or not) do they want to sit through the speeches? They do not. They just sat through a dull church bit and now they want to release some energy.
The party in the evening. Hyped up, running around, shouting, everyone has to watch out for them. Then they get overtired and turn into monsters and the parents have to sling them over their shoulders at 9 and leave.*

Babysitter all the way imo. 😁

*Generalisation

WyldStallions · 08/05/2021 07:12

We were the first of our friends to marry and no one had kids, but on the other hand most of our family's kids were grown up. We ended up saying no kids under 12 as there would have only been about 3 kids that age anyway. I think you either need a family friendly wedding where kids are a huge part of it, or no kids. Having an adultish wedding with just a couple of kids attending means they probably won't be properly catered for.

Anyway it was lovely.

ItsSnowJokes · 08/05/2021 07:14

I don't care if they invite children or not, we don't attend if they are not invited as we don't have any babysitters we could use. We don't make a fuss, just politely decline the invitation and send a card when they are married.

Pl242 · 08/05/2021 07:16

By the time I got married most of our friends had kids. It just would have been impossible to accommodate everyone and also would have been chaotic as hell!

So we went child free with limited exceptions - children of close family and bridal party, where the kids’ grandparents were also at the wedding so various people could pitch into help. Also said newborns who were being breastfed etc welcome. So think there were a couple of babes in arms there too.

All of our friends seemed happy to leave their kids at home!

supersonicginandtonic · 08/05/2021 07:18

I wish nobody would invite kids to their wedding. That way I don't have to try and keep them entertained At something that is very boring for them and I can enjoy myself and let my hair down.

HollyHardcastle · 08/05/2021 07:18

I have children and they're invited to a family wedding later this year and I'm dreading it. I'm a bridesmaid and won't be able to relax for a second all day because I'll be stressing about their behaviour, and won't be sitting with them for large parts of it so I'll have to rely on DH to manage them. I wish it was child free so I'd be able to enjoy it!

ddl1 · 08/05/2021 07:19

I think YABU; it's up to the bride and groom. However, if they do choose a child-free wedding, they should not then get offended if some people's childcare responsibilities prevent them from attending.

Quincie · 08/05/2021 07:20

they're my family. I'm getting to the stage where I'd like a child-free few days once in a while, but only because they're more able to manage without me.

So not because you want time away from them Hmm

DeadButDelicious · 08/05/2021 07:23

I am a grown up and I find weddings to be tedious, dull affairs that last way to long if you end up invited to the whole thing. So I should imagine for a small child that day will feel endless and they are most likely going to act up due to being bored out of there minds. They don't want to be trussed up in fancy outfits being made to be on their best behaviour anymore than I do.

Fortunately, I think everyone who is going to get married in my life has done it now so no weddings for the foreseeable but if one should pop up I will be leaving DD with whatever grandparent I can so I don't have to spend the day shushing a child and attempt to enjoy myself.

YABU. Child free weddings are absolutely fine.

maddiemookins16mum · 08/05/2021 07:24

Maybe if people made sure their kids behaved then there wouldn’t be so many child free ones.
I was at a wedding where until 10.45pm the only people on the dance floor were three girls aged 4-8 ish. It was like their own private disco. People were wanting to dance but couldn’t because these wains were basically hogging it. We left early in the end.

AndromedaGal · 08/05/2021 07:28

Children absolutely should be included in weddings. They are part of the fabric of family life, they’re people in their own right & they love love love the disco/party at the end!! It’s a grand sight to see them all in their little suits & dresses jumping up & down on the dance floor!!! They bring the spark! Ok so there may be tears & tantrums before bedtime but that applies to the adults too Smile

But I prefer kids to adults anyway so I'm slightly biased………..I will only get up & dance if there’s kids on the dance floor!

Everyday21 · 08/05/2021 07:33

Inviting kids to my wedding would have added an extra 30+ guests. I wanted a small wedding as it was and due to my DH's massive family even just adults it was at 90. I'd chosen my venue years before as I loved it but their maximum capacity was 100

Totally up to the couple

cataclysmiclife · 08/05/2021 07:39

If I'd have invited kids I would have had 32 kids on a 75 person guest list. My friends were pleased to have a night away without children. And anyway kids find weddings boring. All sitting about looking smart, best behaviour etc

GappyValley · 08/05/2021 07:42

None of our friends with children wanted to bring them to our wedding

Even my friends daughter, who was a flower girl, got picked up by her granny just after the ceremony

Does that make me a megalomaniac, or someone with friends who wanted a fun day without their kids around?

CokeDrinker · 08/05/2021 07:46

Did you forget lewd speeches? Alcohol being served everywhere? Wake up to yourself, you're the meglomaniac, and neglectful of children. Weddings are Adults Only events, they are NOT for children.

lockdownwithwhoresdrawers · 08/05/2021 07:51

I didn't even invite my own small children to my wedding! I booked a nanny for them at home for the 3 days, and went off to get married elsewhere in the UK. Much better that way, too young to even remember and I had a ban on other people's children (I had met some through NCT etc and Uni friends) and they all managed to conjure up childcare despite their children being similar ages (under 3yo).

TwilightSkies · 08/05/2021 07:56

Child-free weddings are a very British thing.
Other cultures seem to just embrace having all age-groups at social functions.

grafittiartist · 08/05/2021 08:02

I can understand it from a numbers point of view- but it makes me a bit sad to exclude children.
The children in my family and friends families are just as much a part of my life, and I want to share nice time's with them.
Behaviour issues- well, plenty of adults behave poorly at weddings!

Rookw · 08/05/2021 08:04

Disclaimer: I had 17 children at my own wedding.

Have you ever been to a child free wedding?! They’re amazing! If anyone wants to invite me to a wedding without my kids, I would be delighted to attend that child free piss up...🤣

Meowchickameowmeow · 08/05/2021 08:06

Our wedding was child free because we don't really know anyone with kids (we stick to our own!). Your opinion is frankly stupid.

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 08/05/2021 08:07

Not everyone views their marriage as the joining of two families either. For many people it's just about the commitment being made between the couple.
I do think it's not a good idea to exclude nieces/nephews because likely most of the people who would ordinarily mind them are going to be at the wedding. But friends' children are a totally different matter - it's irrelevant that they are part of your friend's family. People don't (or shouldn't) lose their individual identities when they have children and it's okay for a bride and groom to want to see their friend and not the entire family unit.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 08/05/2021 08:07

Does the OP not realise that unless you have unlimited money, cost per head and space at the venue are a major factor?

Plus of course there will always be some children who are a PITA because their even more PITA parents refuse to exert any control.