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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

548 replies

DrunkPosting · 07/05/2021 22:20

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

OP posts:
BeeDavis · 08/05/2021 09:29

I for one can’t wait for my child-free wedding. We were supposed to be married 2 weeks ago but postponed to next April instead.. however.. we will have our own extra guest onboard so not the child-free wedding we originally planned 😂😂 but it all came down to numbers, 30+ children at £50 a head! No brainer.

Doghead · 08/05/2021 09:32

People who think everyone else's world revolves around their (often bratty) children are megalomaniacs.

Nexttome · 08/05/2021 09:36

We’ve been invited to a wedding this year and DS has also been invited. He’ll be nearly 7 by then but I’m torn about taking him as I think he’ll be bored stiff, and we all know how bored children can sometimes behave even when we are strict about behaviour. I’m particularly worried he’ll start talking during the service. DH wants him to go, as does the B&G (already told them not sure about DS coming and they insist he comes) so we think perhaps a compromise of having him collected by our babysitter after the meal.

The only wedding with quite a few kids that was a pleasure to be at was the one where the couple created a corner of the venue just for kids with lots of arts & crafts, board games, puzzles, toys etc and as a consequence you’d have hardly known there was kids there because they were calm, occupied and happy, not bored and fractious. They also provided a more kid-friendly meal (think it was sausage & mash and ice cream sundae, rather than the more expensive arty food that the adults were served).

iseefarts · 08/05/2021 09:36

@AgeLikeWine

Bad parents have created the need for child free weddings.

Too many people have attended weddings which have been ruined by noisy, disruptive badly behaved children which their parents cannot or will not control or remove. Those people then decided that their own weddings won’t be ruined in the same way because the brats won’t be invited.

This.

BadLad · 08/05/2021 09:40

@Milesbennettdyson

I don’t think OP actually knows what the word means as it doesn’t make any sense in the context of the conversation.

They’ve just picked a random word to attempt to sound superior in their opinion 😂😂😂

The OP
Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs
Mehoooole · 08/05/2021 09:42

We didn't have any children at our wedding. We didn't know any children well. Some friends had kids. If we had invited them we would have had to have not invited about a dozen actual friends or paid an extra £1000 to add the kids to the numbers. Our wedding was at home so they all left their DC with family. I have children now and I don't mind if my DC aren't invited to weddings as I don't expect people to have to pay for them when they don't even know them. I would also hope they would understand if we couldn't attend the wedding if childcare was a problem.

Thisisthepoint · 08/05/2021 09:42

Your children are the centre of your universe, but they are not the centre of anyone else's. Even your extended family. So no one should feel obligated to invite your DC to their wedding, whether budget or expensive it will still be a lot of money.

Children love a party where they can run around and talk excitedly to their peers, not so much when they are told to sit still, be quiet, wear a fancy outfit that they mustn’t get mucky at any cost etc. So naturally children and weddings are a contentious issue, as even the most well-behaved child could struggle with this for hours at a time.

If you can get a babysitter, and enjoy an evening of adult company. After all, MN is full of parents complaining that they never get a break.

singsingbluesilver · 08/05/2021 09:43

Every child you invite is friend or family member that you can;t inviite if you are on a tight budget. And if you allow one or two in then you have to allow everyone who has kids to bring them. There is often little reduction in the price of the meal for kids.

Often weddings are used as an excuse for parents to forget how to parent - assuming that the whole wedding party will look out for their kids. They therefore often do as they please and behave badly, winding each other up.

Give me a kid free wedding any day.

birdglasspen · 08/05/2021 09:50

We had kids, babies, teenagers, they had annoying balloons, bubbles, toys on the tables, they played football outside with the adults and ran riot, what fun! Numbers weren't an issue as we did it ourselves not in a venue. We had no one at the actual ceremony, everyone just came to the fun part, drinks, dinner, dancing, chat for the adults and above for the children. I can see it's an issue if your numbers are limited and pare
nts can't get their children to behave!

Icequeen01 · 08/05/2021 09:52

When I got married one of my friends kids who was about 4 at the time was running rings around the top table closely followed by my friend with her clicky high heeled shoes whilst my poor old grandad tried to make his speech. When they eventually caught the child he screamed blue murder. Yes he was then removed outside but for my poor grandad who was very frail at the time he couldn't stand any longer so had to sit down to continue his speech which really upset him.

It still pisses me off and I've been married for 36 years now! If I could have my time again there would be no kids at my wedding!

CounsellorTroi · 08/05/2021 09:55

The only children present at my wedding were DH’s godson and his sister. We had no nephews or nieces at the time.

EstuaryBird · 08/05/2021 09:55

My first wedding was ruined by children (or to be more accurate, their arsehole parents).
Subsequent weddings have been strictly child free. If anybody doesn’t like it they needn’t come.

MyCatIsADentist · 08/05/2021 09:57

It depends on the wedding, surely? Mine was an evening event that took place in an art gallery with many breakable objects and sharp-cornered glass cabinets. As it happened we didn’t have any children to invite anyway (none in the family or by friends at that time) so we didn’t have to make a decision, but I’m sure it would have been a great bore to any child forced to attend.

Nataliafalka · 08/05/2021 09:59

Family children at a wedding, yes 100%. Other children at a wedding, wouldn’t even occur to me to consider it. Why on earth would you want them there? It’s not a children’s birthday party.

I’m late 40’s I didn’t have children to my wedding, nobody I know ever had children (non family) to a wedding and nobody ever assumed their children were invited to a wedding!

headintheproverbial · 08/05/2021 10:01

I'm always delighted to be invited to a child free wedding. Gives me the chance to leave the little fuckers at home and enjoy myself.

Nataliafalka · 08/05/2021 10:02

Lots of people totally over estimate how important their children are to their friends.

Totally agree. I love my friends. I think they all have very nice children but they really really aren’t important to me in any way

floofycroissant · 08/05/2021 10:02

Each to their own. But let's be honest the majority of a wedding is going through the motions (aka waiting around) and adult only weddings can tend to be awfully dry, unless it's pretty lavish/free bar or has great entertainment.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 08/05/2021 10:05

No one in my immediate family has had children yet and only a few of my friends did, they knew it was adults only. It was a great night, lots of alcohol, lots of dancing without the fear of bumping into a toddler, no worried stares from parents because the music we chose had profanities, no tears from 4 year olds because the drinking games looked fun but obviously they couldn't join in...I could go on.

It was perfect.

OohThatCat · 08/05/2021 10:05

I had one. Guess I’m a megalomaniac. I also used to photograph 30 weddings a year and I’ve seen the absolute horrors kids can be at weddings while their parents are off getting drunk.

Bomchiccawick · 08/05/2021 10:09

I only had a couple of family children at our wedding, we were big drinkers at the time and we wanted everyone to get drunk and have fun, not leave at 8pm for the bedtime routine. We partied til 6am it was great!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 08/05/2021 10:35

@Nataliafalka

Lots of people totally over estimate how important their children are to their friends.

Totally agree. I love my friends. I think they all have very nice children but they really really aren’t important to me in any way

Same. I love my friends. I tolerate their kids
SecretSpAD · 08/05/2021 11:04

some couples are facing heartbreaking infertility or know that they are very likely to have fertility problems

This happened to my sister. She was desperate for children and found out they were infertile just after they got engaged. She decided to not invite children of any age - including babies - to her wedding because she was feeling emotionally fragile and wanted a day that wasn't consumed with thinking about what she couldn't have. A number of her friends and our distant relatives kicked off and some refused to even consider her feelings and brought the kids anyway. Unfortunately for them my fabulous brother in law had thought to hire a "bouncer" to turn them away and escort them off the premises before my sister even knew what happened!

She did get her happy ending though after several rounds of ivf but has always respected the choice of the bride and groom to not invite her kids to weddings.

AuntieMarys · 08/05/2021 11:07

I hate weddings full stop 😀. But with small children they are even worse.

Hankunamatata · 08/05/2021 11:15

So many different types of weddings so yabu. My ex sister got married - lovely relaxed affair with loads of kids.

I got married I was young, we were all young. Kids would have spoiled out formal meal and very boozy afternoon/evening

SecretSpAD · 08/05/2021 11:31

*The smaller, the fewer people, the better.

I had five people at my first wedding. The minimum legally possible.

It was shit.*

I used to think like that too and so we ended up eloping. Everyone thought we were coo, and edgy outlying because we sold it as us being cool and edgy Grin. It was shit.

We're renewing our vows in the autumn and planning on having the wedding party we we're pretending to be too cool and edgy for didn't have 16 years ago. We're having it at our place (it's a Manor House type thing with lots of grounds) and planning on having a hog roast, fish and chips, pizza van, gourmet food tasting courtesy of my chef dad, wine tasting, artisan gin tasting, cheese tasting, local musicians in a festival type thing, glamping, a proper 90's rave and massages and loads and loads of lovely alcohol. Apart from our adopted daughter and a couple of her friends (who will be 15) there will be no one under 18. It's for friends and the more civilised members of our families - is my dad and my sister, brother in law and their grown up children. Can't wait.