Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

[DrunkPosting]

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

YABU - a wedding is not automatically a "family occasion", it is a day to celebrate the love between the bride & groom.

If they choose to make it a family-centric ceremony, wonderful. If they want to keep the reception child-free and have a nice evening with their friends, that's fine too.

Sorry but you are being reasonable, and nastily judgemental, @DrunkPosting.

Most venues have a maximum headcount, and most people have a maximum budget for their reception, and either or both of these factors may make it difficult to include children.

Dh and I were invited to a child-free wedding - and the groom was godfather to one of our dses. They explained that the venue was limited in size, so they couldn’t include the children of all their friends - they had to choose - either include children, and then they wouldn’t be able to invite some of their adult friends, or make it child free, and have all their friends there - and we understood completely.

We have also been to weddings where children were invited - and both sorts of wedding are great - and both have advantages. At one wedding, Dh had to whip ds1 out of the church because he was being noisy, and we weren’t going to let him disturb the service - but accounts on here from other MNers demonstrate that not every guest with children is that considerate - I’ve seen too many stories of oblivious parents beaming round as their offspring run riot and drown out the ceremony, spoiling it for the other guests and the happy couple. Children can add to an informal,atmosphere, but a more formal ceremony may not be suitable for younger children (unless they will behave, or they are removed quickly if they get noisy).

Going to a child free wedding meant we could relax and enjoy the day, without having to constantly run herd on the children.

@littlepattilou

So, according to some people on here, a childfree wedding is the ONLY TIME you can ever go ANYWHERE where there are no children?

You can't ever EVER go to any other child free party/function/do/meal out EVER ???

If you can get someone to look after your kids for a wedding, why can people not get someone to look after them while you go for a meal, or to a hen night, or a party, or to the pub (where there will also more than likely be no children?)

A child free wedding is the ONLY thing you can go to where there are no children? REALLY?
What a bizarre existence some people do lead.

@littlepattilou Can you re-write that? I cannot make heads or tails of what you are saying. Are you saying children should be invited to those things but not weddings, or invited to weddings but not those things?

@littlepattilou

I am referring to comments like this...

@Travert

Children at weddings? Fuck that, I want a night off!

So there is NO other opportunity ever (in your life) to have a night out with no children, like EVER?

Umm What?

@Chamonixshoopshoop

The bridezillas who refused children ag their weddings (including breast feeding babes in arms), are all divorced now. The ones that made it a family occasion, to celebrate the marriage with the people who have gone onto help them through it, are all still married. People lose their minds over one day forgetting they’re actually getting married!

Biggest load of nonsense I've ever read.

We do not have children.

Most of our friends do not have children.

Therefore our wedding is not child friendly (think loud bands/whisky tasting).

The only children (if we invited them) would be of distant relatives/1 or 2 of acquaintances.

Therefore why would we invite them? There would be 5-6 very bored kids listening to loud bands.

And why does everyone think weddings always involve a church and a sodding disco?? Is it 1987?

And as I said before, lewd Best Man/etc speeches, alcohol flowing, etc.

Methinks there are many here who should choose their friends more carefully.

@TheKeatingFive

The way in which people try to layer bullshit moral judgement on this, simply because they want their kids invited to the parties, is strange.

Absolutely.

@Chamonixshoopshoop

The bridezillas who refused children ag their weddings (including breast feeding babes in arms), are all divorced now. The ones that made it a family occasion, to celebrate the marriage with the people who have gone onto help them through it, are all still married. People lose their minds over one day forgetting they’re actually getting married!

@Chamonixshoopshoop How does not wanting children at your wedding make the Bride a Bridezilla? And a babe in arms that SCREAMS through the ceremony and the parents don't remove it from the church or wherever (as has been given as examples above) are DEFINITE no-nos. If the child is a teen, maybe (even then it would be torture for them as there is nothing for the teen to do, and they can't drink either), but no newborns or toddlers. Definitely not newborns!!!

I've been to, (off the top of my head) 2 weddings that had children there and probably say, 7 that have been child-free. The ones that had the children there are both now divorced.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

My own view is that it's important to include in major events like this so they learn about the society they live in.

Just so long as the doting parents take them out when they scream... I spent the key part of a close friend's marriage ceremony standing with a fussing baby in they alleyway outside.

Are you saying should invite children to their wedding (even if that is not the kind of event they wish for) in order to provide a social education for those children?

A big part of the problem is that parents don’t always take them out when they scream (or are otherwise being loud or disruptive). If you invite children, you run the risk that the parents don’t do so and it’s not like you get a second bite at the cherry if they don’t.

@Fifthtimelucky Weddings are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship. The reception often includes lewd speeches. It is not, even remotely, a 'family' affair. Getting a mortgage is a 'family affair' too, does that mean you take your children to a meeting with the bank manager? I find it extraordinarily disturbing that people think weddings is a place for children. It is absolutely not. And it is miserable for children and boring.

The number of people who can't get their heads around the fact that for some us children do not equal joy is astounding.

This is because it is an astonishing and problematic attitude that you really only find shouted from the rooftops in the UK.

Not all weddings are like that though CokeDrinker.
I've never been to one that I would have viewed as unsuitable for children, and to be frank I wouldn't want to go myself if that were the case.

@Chamonixshoopshoop

The bridezillas who refused children ag their weddings (including breast feeding babes in arms), are all divorced now. The ones that made it a family occasion, to celebrate the marriage with the people who have gone onto help them through it, are all still married. People lose their minds over one day forgetting they’re actually getting married!

Not wanting children at YOUR wedding doesn't make you a bridezilla. Some people don't like kids. Don't want kids. Don't care about kids.

And even if you do like kids, that doesn't mean you want them everywhere always. Stop making other people's celebration all about you and your kids, get a grip. It's like braincells disappear once you have kids. Life doesn't revolve around your children ffs.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman

My own view is that it's important to include in major events like this so they learn about the society they live in.

Just so long as the doting parents take them out when they scream... I spent the key part of a close friend's marriage ceremony standing with a fussing baby in they alleyway outside.

@GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman Would you take them to a meeting with the bank manager so they 'learn about the society we live in'?

Seriously what you said makes no sense at all. Weddings are adult affairs and a 'fussy baby' is not going to learn anything about society, nor is a bored-out-of-their-brains child who has to sit still for hours and not get expensive clothes ruined. It does absolutely nothing for children, and it teaches them absolutely nothing.

How about take them to Hens Night so they 'learn about marriage and society'? How about a strip club? It is ridiculous to say a child needs to go to adult functions to learn about society.

Not wanting babies and children screeching and crying through your vows that (you hope) are a one off lifetime event. And them again through the speeches. Yes totally Bridezilla that.

Weddings are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship.
I think you win the internet with that one.

The reception often includes lewd speeches.
It doesn't in all social circles.
Also, lewd speeches bespeak a rather immature approach to sexual relationships.

It is not, even remotely, a 'family' affair. Getting a mortgage is a 'family affair' too, does that mean you take your children to a meeting with the bank manager?
Getting a mortgage isn't something only couples do, you know. It's not necessarily a 'family affair'.
Plus, you are more likely to meet with a mortgage officer than the bank manager to get one.
Also, it's a business transaction, not an event like a wedding, where two people establish the foundation of a family, where two families become 'in-laws' of the couple getting married.

[quote CokeDrinker]**@Fifthtimelucky* Weddings are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship. The reception often includes lewd speeches. It is not, even remotely*, a 'family' affair. Getting a mortgage is a 'family affair' too, does that mean you take your children to a meeting with the bank manager? I find it extraordinarily disturbing that people think weddings is a place for children. It is absolutely not. And it is miserable for children and boring.[/quote]
What kind of weddings do you go to?

I’ve never been a wedding that included “lewd” speeches.

Not an event like a wedding, where two people establish the foundation of a family, where two families become 'in-laws' of the couple getting married.

That may be, but there's absolutely nothing to say anywhere that you need to have family members at your wedding, much less children.

@MrsAvocet

Not all weddings are like that though CokeDrinker. I've never been to one that I would have viewed as unsuitable for children, and to be frank I wouldn't want to go myself if that were the case.

@MrsAvocet By virtue of the fact they are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship for life (and let's be honest; that is what marriage is about, usually), it is. It is not child-friendly, and I cannot imagine any wedding would not have some aspect that isn't child friendly. By definition, that's what it is. It's an Adults event. It's not a family bbq.

Weddings are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship.

🥇

@mathanxiety

Weddings are about 2 people entering a sexual relationship. I think you win the internet with that one.

The reception often includes lewd speeches.
It doesn't in all social circles.
Also, lewd speeches bespeak a rather immature approach to sexual relationships.

It is not, even remotely, a 'family' affair. Getting a mortgage is a 'family affair' too, does that mean you take your children to a meeting with the bank manager?
Getting a mortgage isn't something only couples do, you know. It's not necessarily a 'family affair'.
Plus, you are more likely to meet with a mortgage officer than the bank manager to get one.
Also, it's a business transaction, not an event like a wedding, where two people establish the foundation of a family, where two families become 'in-laws' of the couple getting married.

You sound rather naive if you've never been to a wedding where at least one lewd reference is made. Best Man's speeches are infamous for that, alone.

A home, whether owned by one person or a couple, is about a 'family foundation', just the same as a marriage is (and really that's only just 2 people, no guarantee of a 'family' ie children). There is little difference.

I invited kids, and will go if I remarry - I wouldn't dream of saying no. But I will book the venue I can afford rather than stretching

@WinstonsWeirdVole

Each to their own, but I personally agree with you, OP. I always find child-free weddings a bit joyless! That said, the number of parents who don’t have the basic manners/brains to take their kids outside if they start screaming during the ceremony is fucking astounding, so I can see why people might prefer to ban them altogether!

Rubbish! My child free wedding was joyous BECAUSE there were no screaming kids ruining it and the adults could fully enjoy themselves without having to worry about what their kids were up to and they stayed right til the end parting with us instead of having to leave early to get their kids to bed. We had invited lots of parents and had full attendance, everyone had a blast (many wrote to me afterwards to tell me it was the best wedding they had ever been to).

I'm not sure why its so difficult to understand what weddings can be whatever the B&G want them to be.

If you want it to be all about family, cool, knock yourself out.

If not, that's equally fine.

There is no 'right' way.

I got married a bit later than my friends did so there were quite a lot of children in our friendship group. It would have added nearly 40% more onto our guest list had children been invited and it would have completely changed the vibe. Babes in arms were able to come. I don't regret our decision.