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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child free weddings are for megalomaniacs

548 replies

DrunkPosting · 07/05/2021 22:20

Unless you are consummating the marriage during the ceremony, then it isn’t an adults only type of event

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 08/05/2021 12:35

HelpfulBelle
We Brits really despise kids, don't we?

Nope we despise badly behaved kids with ineffectual and entitled parents

When I go on holiday to Europe, DC are doted on by strangers, because families do things - eat out, spend time - together.

And the adults are allowed to tell off, chastise and generally put boundaries in place without being accused of hating children.

TaylorStan · 08/05/2021 12:36

Everyone is different and is entitled to their preference on a day that's very important to them and that they're paying for. I personally hate weddings with children there. They're always annoying during the ceremony, then running around everywhere during the reception and getting in the way and the parents can never properly relax. I would never voice this opinion to people there of course, but at my own wedding I wanted to have things the way I like. And luckily my husband has the same opinion as me. I didn't invite children to my wedding. Some guests didn't like it and I was mote than happy for them not to come, no hard feelings.

Travert · 08/05/2021 12:37

Children at weddings? Fuck that, I want a night off!

Tistheseason17 · 08/05/2021 12:38

Price of a seat is same whether adult/child.
Numbers defined by max budget. I want more friends there than 2 year olds.

If this makes me a megalomaniac - I'm ok with that
I think children being present says more about the guest demanding it than the bride/groom, tbh

nokidshere · 08/05/2021 12:39

My first wedding was ruined by children (or to be more accurate, their arsehole parents).* Subsequent weddings have been strictly child free. If anybody doesn’t like it they needn’t come.*

Sorry, that made me laugh. You made it sound like a monthly event lol

JustLyra · 08/05/2021 12:39

I find it amazing so many MNetters know so many badly behaved children and crap parents, yet whenever there’s a thread about fights or arguments at weddings loads of people have never seen any issues.

It’s very odd.

ConfusedAdultFemale · 08/05/2021 12:39

YABU, not even sure I’d want my children at my wedding. They’re a bloody stressful handful when they’re excited Confused (this of course would be excessively cruel and I would actually have my kids there if I ever were to get married, but I get the sentiment behind child free weddings and think they’re a great idea)

JustLyra · 08/05/2021 12:40

*never seen any issues with badly behaved adults

MargaretFraggle · 08/05/2021 12:42

Maybe it makes a difference if you go to church. I was brought up doing, so noisy churches don't really phase me at all. I don't even notice. Having lots of young kids in my family at the time of my marriage, and being used to large family dos with kids lowered my expectations about the reception. I honestly barely noticed the kids at mine (and there were loads). Their families seemed happy to be able to bring them. At least, they could have left them at home but didn't.

MargaretFraggle · 08/05/2021 12:43

I don't blame people for having childfree weddings though, if that's what they want!

noirchatsdeux · 08/05/2021 12:55

I had my wedding vows ruined by my husband's cousin's baby screaming throughout them...to the point the celebrant stopped in the middle. The parents still didn't get the hint to take the child out - it ended with my MIL hissing at them to get out. Only then did the celebrant continue...

The worst part was we'd made it crystal clear children weren't invited. This couple hadn't bothered to RSVP, and turned up late when the ceremony had already started...

TurquoiseDragon · 08/05/2021 13:10

@KatherineJaneway

People have child free weddings because of parents who think their kids are well behaved but actually they aren't.
Yes, and because the parents think their precious can do no wrong, they don't do anything to rein the poor behaviour in. We've all seen examples of this type of parent at schools, I'm sure there's at least one for every class.

It's not all parents, by a long shot, but there's enough of them that means child free weddings are becoming more popular.

This is one of the two main reasons for child free weddings, the other being the enormous costs these days in feeding guests, so you have to limit the guest list to keep to a budget.

I'm going to a family wedding later this year. Only 75 on the guest list, and I know it's down to cost. The only children going are those of the siblings. My DD is going, but as an adult guest in her own right. (She got her own invitation, no plus 1s for either of us.)

MrsAvocet · 08/05/2021 13:16

There are lots of reasons why people don't invite children to weddings, some of which I personally think are more reasonable than others, but ultimately it is largely up to the couple who they invite and in the great scheme of things it's not worth getting upset over.
But some couples do verge on megalomania when they get worked up if people decline. You get to decide who doesn't come to your wedding but you can't dictate who does - that's the invitees decision. Some couples do need to recognise that their wedding isn't actually the most important thing in the world to anyone except them and maybe their nearest and dearest. I wouldn't object to being invited to a child free wedding but would most likely politely decline. As long as the couple were equally respectful of my choice there wouldn't be an issue. These things only become a problem when one "side" thinks their wishes trump the other party's.

secretllama · 08/05/2021 13:20

Nah. I remember going to weddings when I was wee and was bored shitless. I love weddings now for what they are... a party and a piss up at the end of the day! I'm now a parent and most definitley won't be taking my son to any , and we'll both be happier for it! I honestly don't get the offence of kids not being invited. They won't give a shit!

luckylavender · 08/05/2021 13:22

I think child free weddings can be much better. And it's absolutely the couple's choice.

secretllama · 08/05/2021 13:22

@Travert

Children at weddings? Fuck that, I want a night off!
This 100% 🤣
SecretSpAD · 08/05/2021 13:33

We had our children young, so most of our friends were childless and just didn't get it

Oh we get it. But it still doesn't mean we want your babies at our weddings. Thank you.

EL8888 · 08/05/2021 13:35

@SecretSpAD this basically.

therocinante · 08/05/2021 13:43

@Happymum12345

I much prefer to see and hear children at weddings. It’s supposed to be about love and families and joy.
Why is it so hard to understand that for some people, having children around isn't joyful? Some people, myself included, find them stressful and unpredictable and loud and annoying.

As it was my wedding day, I didn't really care if someone else would have preferred to see children around.

I wanted to celebrate our love and our joy in a way which made us both happy. That meant having our friends (who we like and who make us happy) there, and not their children (who we feel various ways about, from thinking they're cute to just tolerating them because they're badly behaved, but never goes above a mild, friendly, general disinterest).

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 08/05/2021 13:43

One thing to keep in mind is that people tend to bugger off early when they bring their kids to weddings. If they have had to arrange childcare they are generally more relaxed and up for a party!

Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2021 15:10

@Happymum12345

I much prefer to see and hear children at weddings. It’s supposed to be about love and families and joy.
If you could just 'see' them then fine. Hearing them? no, I don't want to hear screeching children and crying babies during the vows/speeches etc I think the couple getting married should be allowed to have their own one moment of love and joy.
Sparklingbrook · 08/05/2021 15:11

@DrunkPosting you have 6 pages of replies, are you going to acknowledge them at all?

CokeDrinker · 08/05/2021 15:18

@floofycroissant

Each to their own. But let's be honest the majority of a wedding is going through the motions (aka waiting around) and adult only weddings can tend to be awfully dry, unless it's pretty lavish/free bar or has great entertainment.
@floofycroissant Which is why it is boring for children to wait around with nothing to do, and further proof why weddings are not for children. Most children I wager would sooner do a maths test or go to the dentist than have to wait around sitting still at a wedding.

And having children at a wedding doesn't make it less 'drier' for adults, as adults in their suits and nice frocks can't exactly frolic and climb trees with children, can they?

shivawn · 08/05/2021 15:21

Its up to the bride and groom. Doesn't bother me either way.

We had loads of kids at our wedding, close to 20 I think, DH has a big family so loads of nieces and nephews. They caused no problems at all.

3scape · 08/05/2021 15:21

Child haters unite eh. It's a family occaision. No matter how much pretension you try to whack on it.

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