To want to shout F off to men perving over my teenage daughter

[Tuesdaysintheazores]

Literally on a walk to the shops, the amount who openly stare and gawp, I'm talking men in their 30s ish and older not teenagers. Gives me the rage

Can't you just ignore these leering men,and accept that some perverse male's will always act like this, and there isn't much you can do about these kind of unsavoury characters.

Oh the NAMALT argument.

No. None of this is remotely new, it was commonplace when I was young, my adult DC dealt and deal with the same.

Should we also ignore theft, fraud and violence because "its only a small percentage"?

I used to work at a primary school and I can vividly remember some builders working nearby leaning over the fence and chatting to the Year Six girls. That’s ten and eleven year olds. Soon scarpered when we clocked them.

This thread is upsetting, depressing and unsurprising all at the same time. Yes it happened to me frequently as a teen and now it will happen to my dd. It’s not an unusual occurrence is it? It’s not a tiny proportion of girls it happens to, it’s all of us. And seemingly it’s not just a tiny minority of men doing it (as you’d hope). It’s just..... normal, which is fucking awful and unacceptable. As a teen I was perved at, cat called and propositioned by adult men and have also had the delight of someone pulling out their cock and masturbating in front of me in broad daylight on an empty street. (I shouted at him ‘urgh you fucking wanker’ which was quite deliciously apt) but it didn’t even seem like something worth reporting, which again is awful.

If it was legal and society accepted it - with all these reports of leering at underage girls - would men actually try and date these girls?
I know in some countries adult men marry 12 year olds. It makes me sick that the only thing preventing so many men might just be our societal views and non acceptance.

This is fucking disgusting, as are some of the comments on this thread about revealing outfits, early developed girls, being good looking - this is nothing to do with the young girls and everything to do with the perverts.

I was certainly no oil painting as a teen and I got harassed fairly regularly from the age of 11. I remember one summer when I was about 13 having to change my route home from school because I was being targeted by builders doing an extension and I was absolutely terrified. I was cripplingly shy and I hated every minute of male attention.

My DD is only 2 and I really hope things have improved in a decade.

@BiscoffAddict

I used to work at a primary school and I can vividly remember some builders working nearby leaning over the fence and chatting to the Year Six girls. That’s ten and eleven year olds. Soon scarpered when we clocked them.

Jesus.

There is a good description of growing up female here:

hannabrooksolsen.medium.com/why-women-smile-at-men-who-sexually-harass-us-cf4eeb90ed30

I think I've posted this before but it is still painfully real.

To the poster arguing about the difference between a 13 yr old and a 19 yr old experiencing it, I actually don’t think it’s acceptable to be leered at or cat called by a stranger at 13, 19, 25, 35, 75 or any age. It is more hideous when done to children of course, but not okay for anyone and horrible that as women we’re just meant to put up with it.

@RuddyHellItsSoftCell Yep.

My sister always tells me to appeal to someone’s humanism in situations like this - I would want to get mad too but perhaps calmly approach them and say something like ‘So how would you feel if older men were leering after your 15 daughter/sister?’ See what they say. It’ll shock them and maybe give them some food for thought. In the short run it’ll at least give them a good dose of embarrassment.

I caught DP's best mate perving at a girl in the supermarket. And I mean girl, very clearly not 16 or 17. She was 12 at most, long blonde hair in a plait. He was walking ahead of me when she sort of darted into his path and he turned back with the leeriest expression on his face to say something, then realized it was me and not DP and his face changed instantly. I had a word with DP later. I wasn't going to just assume he would not have been alright with that.

One time I went out with my aunt and 13 year old cousin for dinner in Oxford around early evening and when we walked through Cornmarket Street loads of small groups of men standing about just fell silent and stared - at my 13 year old cousin. Luckily she seemed oblivious, but my aunt and I noticed, we couldn't not.

Those aren't the only two incidents that come to mind.

It raises some very uncomfortable questions.

@BiscoffAddict bloody hell.I work in a primary with the same ago group,how disgusting of those men

I've had this whilst with my step daughter, she was almost 15 at the time so I looked directly at the men and said SHE IS 14 YEARS OLD! Knobs.

@1forAll74

Can't you just ignore these leering men,and accept that some perverse male's will always act like this, and there isn't much you can do about these kind of unsavoury characters. They are not going to be hauled in by the police, for staring at young girls,or women.

When my daughter was a teenager many years ago, it didn't seem to be much of a problem then. But over the years, the behaviours of some men, has drastically changed,and,gone completely down hill since then.

I think that some men have very screwed up brains,maybe because of porn stuff,and other things that they can view all over the place.

I am just glad, that I don't have to worry about a teenage daughter these days, as she is 40ish now.

No we can't, and shouldn't, just ignore them, it's adversely affecting women and girls and we've put up and shut up for far too long already! This behaviour will never change while we allow it to be 'acceptable' by not calling it out. And yes, it's got worse, and yes online porn is at least partly responsible for the continuation of the idea of women as entertainment and commodities, all of which also needs addressing. None of it can or should be ignored or of course nothing will change, if anything it will only get worse.

I was out with my 9 year old DD a few weeks ago, and caught two separate groups of middle-aged men leering at her. She's not even an early developer, she looks like a child.

@DeadlyMedally

Men are going to look at physically mature, attractive "women". Surely they'd have to look to decide that she's too young to be looked at? Shouting at them might help, but you'd probably just end up with a sore throat and men still perving.

Wish it were simply that.

From the age of 12 to 18 when in my school uniform perverted, leery men put an awful cloud on "public" life. By public I simply mean walking down the street.

They knew we were too young. That was the appeal.

Nasty.

I honestly think that there should be a country where only women are allowed.

Men like young girls, because they like the power balance over them.

Paedophilia is rife.

@janeapple111

I honestly think that there should be a country where only women are allowed.

Would totally book a holiday there

I remember this when my dd was 13/14...I frequently hissed at grown men when I saw them staring "she's only 14!"

Why is it men in the 18 to mid 20s are able to generally behave but the 30+ are unable to resist being lecherous?

Hi guys just a question.

Levels of sexual assault, sexual harassment, and violence by many men towards women are at an extreme level.

The men are not going to change. It is has got to a stage where these men have no empathy for women, they are told by men before them, that it is ok to treat women like this, and they see women as objects. Many men are out of control.

Men are not going to change this.
It is going to be women that will change this.

What can we do? What can we do to change what is happening? Women in large numbers need to get together (it can be online)and have a planned strategy of what to do.

As women, We could do many things to help improve this
1)Have more marches to protest against sexual harassment
2)Lobby organisations and MPs to improve women's rights and take women's safety seriously.
3) Get our voice out there and make a noise

Please do tell them to fuck off!
My mum used to say ohh that man was looking at you! As if it was something to be happy about. I spent my 20s hating it and trying to look invisible.
When my.daughter is that age I'm going to be telling them exactly what I think of them and always advocate for her.

@Babdoc

My poor DD had this many years ago, at the age of NINE. On holiday in Tunisia, a member of the hotel staff, in his twenties, tried to chat her up to go to a disco with him. And when I snarled “She’s nine”, he retorted “Well she looks 12!” I was gobsmacked- how could he think it was ok to perv on 12 year old children?

I bet it’s perfectly acceptable for men to chat up 12 year olds where he’s from. Some country’s allow kids to be married at not much older *shudder*

Absolutely vile!!!

I remember my own family making me feel uncomfortable. It is the males that we are around the most that have more time to be creepy.

I remember when I was 13, my uncle on my dad's side, stared at my breasts for a long time during dinner.
When I was 14, my uncle on my mum's side, stared at my breasts.
When I was 16,my male cousin said to me "I like your tits",

I cut them all off when I was an adult.

Many men have zero respect for women, zero. If they see you as physically attractive, they have no care whatsoever about what you want. It's what they want that matters to them.