To ask if you personally judge people who dress alternatively?

[getyourfreakon]

As per the thread title.
Yes, Coronation Street has highlighted the issue. I'm what would be referred to as a "goth". I'm also a mother of one.
What are your feelings on the subject?

I always have a look and then promptly follow up with ‘good on me’.

My much younger brother used to wear cat ears and I just thought he was so cool.

@Embracingthechaos

Actually, I would probably assume that someone dressed as a Goth was unemployed or didn't have a very good job. I mean, you just never see someone in a high level job or Executive role dressed like this, do you? Ergo, I'd assume they didn't have much money.

If you are referring to high level corporate jobs then no, you don't see it, because everyone is usually wearing standard business attire. I doubt that they continue to wear business attire over the weekend, and on family holidays to Disneyland with the kids... they will wear whatever they feel most comfortable in.

Nope. Wouldn’t think anything of you. I dress differently all the time. Goth/sporty/smart depends on my mood tbh. I might be staring but thinking is like that dress/top/wish I could wear stuff like that’. Unless your dressing like you shop at Walmart then I may question your fashion judgment ( you know what I mean, not all Walmart shoppers dress alternatively) but doesn’t mean anything about you or your intelligence level.

I don't miss much of the goth fashion (corsets, fishnets/mesh, FM boots, etc) but I do miss the top hat I used to wear absolutely everywhere. I think I need to start wearing nice hats again.

Let's not be hypocrites. I don't dress alternatively at all, but I am not invisible either. I am sure I am being judged.

Good point. On MN alone there are so many posts about frumpy clothes, mum boots, aging hairstyles etc. You are probably as likely to be judged for not being cool or alternative enough as for being too alternative.

No, I wouldn't want to see everyone wearing exactly the same clothes from exactly the same shops, how dreary! I have always liked a bit of individuality.

The woman who owns the architectural firm we used for our last house was a super sexy futuristic goth, she looked like Rachel from Blade Runner with lots of black eye makeup, blood red lipstick, wearing an exquisitely tailored 3-piece pencil-suit skirt - the third piece was an underbust corset, worn with a crisp buttoned-up blouse underneath. I'm straight but she nearly had me swooning.

I'd love to see some of you come at her with your patronising twaddle about life problems and lack of career success. I think you'll find that people who are confident enough to dress how they like - and who can do so at work without repercussions - got to that point because they're a lot better off in terms of emotional and life stability than you are. Other grown goths I know include an HR director for a major UK tech company, a headteacher at a school, and a certified financial planner with a chain of offices. None of them are wearing their night-out-at-the-Wendy-House outfits to work (Only Leeds Kids Will Remember) but they definitely express their preferred style in a professional way.

I personally found that the people who dressed alternatively when I was at college were just as much a tribe as everyone else and if anything were the most judgey people going, thinking they were somehow superior than those that dressed a bit more “basic.” I think most people are conforming in one way or another.

@PandaLady

I don't like the goth look but I'm sure goths think the way I dress is utterly revolting too, so no bad feelings on either side

However, I like 'theme' dressing (for the last 40 years I have dressed as a sporty person who enjoys listening to hip hop) and I do find myself wondering why some people are so happy to look so bland, so much of the time.

Am quite sure those people also think I look revolting but it genuinely doesn't bother me because I know I rock!

I’m aiming for vaguely vintage librarian myself. I’m not trying to say anything about my personality, it just looks nice.

Pencil-suit skirt? Obviously I mean Pencil-skirt suit!

Surely they want to be noticed, or why would they make the effort? It's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

My experience is that the cover is not the book.

That is, people who put all their effort into their 'cover' are often, literally, superficial. I have often found them far less interesting and thoughtful about the values and lifestyle they seek to personify, than people who put their energy into thoughts and actions, rather than self-presentation.

That's not always the case of course, some people are just really interested in clothing, imagery and design and are conveying that for its own sake, not seeking to align themselves with a sub-culture.

Others are more intrinsically and intractably aligned with their sub-culture. Goths are usually in this group. I've always found them rather sweet and harmless.

I’m aiming for vaguely vintage librarian myself. I’m not trying to say anything about my personality, it just looks nice.

That sounds excellent. I'm really enjoying the dark academia and cottagecore looks at the moment, neither are quite right for me, but I'm borrowing bits here and there.

I always thought it was people buying personality

I assume when I see middle aged goths that they're the ones who just didn't get the memo or just don't have enough confidence to let it go

How patronising.

I do, I'm not going to lie to you.

I look at someone and I decide if I like their look.

Unnatural skin tone - judgement
caterpillar eyebrows - judgement
unnatural fake eyelashes - judgement
Purple hair in a non-media law firm - judgement.

The judgement is I wouldn't do this. But let them do them.

No I’m not bothered. I don’t think Goth or any other very distinct style is alternative though. Outfits are often very uniform - blacks, purples, corsets, long coats, long fitted, dresses, heavy fabrics, dms or biker boots etc. I don’t think it involves any imagination to dress or look that way or say in hipster, boho, kawaii gear. So for me it’s pretty unimaginative way of dressing. I watch a YouTube Channel by KarenBritChick who lives in New York. She stops people on the street and asks them what they’re wearing. There are some truly imaginative, alternative and amazing looks on there that people have put together. For me that is alternative style - taking two shirts, buttoning them together and wearing them as a dress or the way someone has adapted and styled a coat or pair of trousers or changed the handle of a bag etc.
Just bunging on a pair of DMs, a corset, black tights and having scary looking accessories I’d ignore really . It’s not saying much and is as unimaginative as my jeans, trainers and jumper really imo.

There is someone I meet nearly every day on the way to work who dresses in a very 'stand out' way ... yet she cannot bring herself to say 'good morning' although I have seen her 4/5 days every single week for the past five years

So she ignores you when you say 'good morning'?

@lottiegarbanzo

Surely they want to be noticed, or why would they make the effort? It's disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

My experience is that the cover is not the book.

That is, people who put all their effort into their 'cover' are often, literally, superficial. I have often found them far less interesting and thoughtful about the values and lifestyle they seek to personify, than people who put their energy into thoughts and actions, rather than self-presentation.

That's not always the case of course, some people are just really interested in clothing, imagery and design and are conveying that for its own sake, not seeking to align themselves with a sub-culture.

Others are more intrinsically and intractably aligned with their sub-culture. Goths are usually in this group. I've always found them rather sweet and harmless.

I find this interesting. I've never dressed for the attention, more I didn't dress to avoid attention. On the flip side lots of people who dress "normally" are putting a lot of effort into not standing out. Whereas I'm just wearing what I like and won't adapt it based on if it attracted too much or too little attention.

I actually left the house the other day, and spoke to others who'd got used to not leaving the house, and they were all saying how odd it felt to have to dress properly because they were seeing people - where I'd been wearing exactly the same clothes just sat alone at home.

@Carycy

I personally found that the people who dressed alternatively when I was at college were just as much a tribe as everyone else and if anything were the most judgey people going, thinking they were somehow superior than those that dressed a bit more “basic.” I think most people are conforming in one way or another.

I noticed this too. I used to be into the goth scene when I lived in my old home town. It was bitchy as hell, and if your face didn't fit then you were doomed. I was walking to work early one morning, and someone I had seen out in the clubs came up to me and asked where the local A&E was.... he then looked me up and down (I was in my work uniform) sneered, said he recognised me from the clubs and said "I am more goth than you will ever be".

OP, do you really expect to get honest answers?

People who do judge won't respond or will tell you they don't. It's like the twelve million covid threads on here asking if people are still following rules

My answer would be that I don't think a goth look is appropriate for a customer facing job. If you have that look away from work then fine, it doesn't bother me

If you held a gun to my head and made me pick people out of a lineup on suspicion of attention-seeking behaviour and mental/emotional issues and instability, I would be choosing the desperately dysmorphic lip-filled, fake-tanned, fake-arsed, hair-and-eyelash-and-fingernail extensioned women and their steroid-enhanced protein-chugging male counterparts - the ones who spend their days desperately trying to recreate instagram filters in real life. Those are the people who need help, not the perfectly normal 46-year-old woman in stompy boots who is still just really into The Cure 😂

My daughter is 12 & dresses in a very ‘alternative’ way!
She is an artist & this is her… already
But at 12 she has already been shouters at , mocked and sworn at in public for her style.

This is in a small market town in the south west.

*shouted.

But what's "alternatively" anyway? Are you referring to a particular style of alternative eg goth or just something that isn't mainstream current fashion?

@Wearywithteens

I wouldn’t judge them - I try and befriend them as all the adult ‘goths’ I’ve met have difficult backstories and have big insecurities. They need tlc.

That IS judging them!