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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is rude and selfish?

150 replies

SylHellais · 05/05/2021 22:33

We went to a visitor attraction today with a cafe/restaurant on site. All the six tables (large round picnic type tables which would seat 6) were full, but three of them were occupied by one person at each table who had no drink or food but were just sitting there reading or looking at phones. There were other tables nearby not served by the cafe where people could sit.

Personally, I think the staff should have moved the non-eating/drinking people on, but they were clearly unwilling to, even when we pointed out that it was lunchtime and there were people occupying the tables who were not eating or drinking. We weren’t rude or confrontational about this, before anyone starts, it was just a polite comment.

All three of them saw us and other people trying to find somewhere to sit but chose to ignore us. The cafe were actually brilliant and did takeaways for us all so it was fine, but it just irritated me that these three men were determined to occupy tables when they didn’t need to.

OP posts:
Astronaut8 · 05/05/2021 22:35

They could of been waiting for people?

threeteenstaximum · 05/05/2021 22:37

It doesn't sound like you did anything, except note that potentially those individual people not eating were being unreasonable,

Yup that's annoying... you did well not to ask "are these seats taken?" and plonk yourself in a table under occupied if they didn't say no.

You sound really lovely and really polite.

SeaTurtles92 · 05/05/2021 22:38

You don't know why they were sat there.
Stop acting so entitled.

Original poster
SylHellais · 05/05/2021 22:38

@Astronaut8

They could of been waiting for people?
They were not. We ended up at non-cafe tables nearby and no one joined them. They literally just sat at the cafe tables with no food or drink reading.
OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 05/05/2021 22:40

@SeaTurtles92

You don't know why they were sat there. Stop acting so entitled.
Stop being so obtuse.
Original poster
SylHellais · 05/05/2021 22:41

@threeteenstaximum

It doesn't sound like you did anything, except note that potentially those individual people not eating were being unreasonable,

Yup that's annoying... you did well not to ask "are these seats taken?" and plonk yourself in a table under occupied if they didn't say no.

You sound really lovely and really polite.

Normally, I might have just asked to sit at the table but with COVID regs, i didn’t think that was a goer.
OP posts:
RedAzalea · 05/05/2021 22:43

why do you think the staff should confront them?

Astronaut8 · 05/05/2021 22:44

You got a table not far away by the sounds of it so I don’t see the problem. Just because they weren’t the cafe ones and they didn’t move them on.

Original poster
SylHellais · 05/05/2021 22:47

I should probably add for anyone else who wants to have a go and needs a reason:

  • no, there were not waiting for anyone.
  • no, they were not eating or drinking and showed no signs of having done so recently, I.e. no cups or plates on the table.
  • it was three separate men aged about 40-50 with no signs of disability (though I accept in hindsight they could have had a hidden disability!)
  • no, I am not entitled, I just thought it was a bit rude and selfish to occupy tables in an actual cafe at lunchtime if you don’t buy anything to eat or drink there.
OP posts:
threeteenstaximum · 05/05/2021 22:48

@SylHellais

I should probably add for anyone else who wants to have a go and needs a reason:
  • no, there were not waiting for anyone.
  • no, they were not eating or drinking and showed no signs of having done so recently, I.e. no cups or plates on the table.
  • it was three separate men aged about 40-50 with no signs of disability (though I accept in hindsight they could have had a hidden disability!)
  • no, I am not entitled, I just thought it was a bit rude and selfish to occupy tables in an actual cafe at lunchtime if you don’t buy anything to eat or drink there.
Agree with you

Well done for your patience and nlt wanting to make a scene.

BlackDaffodil · 05/05/2021 22:49

This happened to me once, no seating after I'd paid nearly £45 for hot food etc.. literally every table was occupied by people reading books or on laptops not eating or drinking. Staff wouldn't ask anyone to 'move' either.

I took all the food back to the counter and asked my money back, I got it.

LubaLuca · 05/05/2021 22:52

You have to speak up in situations like this. If you're certain they shouldn't have been sitting there and you needed a table, ask them to move and point them to the nearby seat that is not part of the café.

RampantIvy · 05/05/2021 22:52

I agree with you as well. You weren't being entitled at all. I doubt that these people would have been allowed inside a cafe to sit at a table and not order anything. I reckon the cafe probably lost some trade because of them.

Original poster
SylHellais · 05/05/2021 22:54

It wasn’t scene-worthy and we got food and sat nearby. I just thought it was a bit odd that firstly three separate men chose to occupy large family-sized tables alone at lunchtime without actually buying anything to eat or drink and secondly that the cafe staff didn’t want to ask them to read their books at the tables opposite instead.

I posted in AIBU because I was genuinely curious to see if someone somehow said it was my fault and I was not wrong. 😂

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 05/05/2021 23:01

YANBU, how ridiculous to call you ‘entitled’ for wanting to sit and eat at a table when you’re at an eating establishment!

Personally I would have just asked if anyone was taking the seats. They do this and hope no one will ask them.

Pumpkintopf · 05/05/2021 23:02

I'm surprised the staff weren't willing to politely ask them to move. Must have had an impact on their trade you'd think.

BlackDaffodil · 05/05/2021 23:02

YANBU 🌸

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 05/05/2021 23:08

Of course yanbu. Those tables were for people eating and drinking at the cafe.

mainsfed · 05/05/2021 23:17

I thought it’s pretty standard that tables to be meant for people who have bought food or drink from the cafe?

YANBU.

AlwaysLatte · 05/05/2021 23:18

There are never any small 1/2 person tables at these things for singles and couples.

Dunairbeanat · 05/05/2021 23:23

This reply has been deleted

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a8mint · 06/05/2021 00:58

I would more blame the cafe staff who allowed them there rather than
their paying customers

memberofthewedding · 06/05/2021 01:24

Ive had this happen a couple of time in the past and have just simply plonked myself uninvited at whatever table had a space. People have done this to me.

My view is that If I paid to eat in a cafe/restaurant and there is an empty space I dont have to ask anyones permission to sit in it. Ive also pointed out to people who have finished their meal and are just sitting that there are others waiting for a space to sit down. If they object because of the covid rules they are at liberty to depart. Usually you will find that if there are two or more of you and you sit at a table occupied by a single (not eating or drinking) that they will leave pretty quickly. It has nothing to do with entitlement. The tables are a facility provided for the people consuming refreshments.

sma1978 · 06/05/2021 01:28

I do agree with you OP, but also wonder what kind of attraction it was for 3 separate middle aged men to visit on their own, then sit and do nothing, not even eat or drink.

BlackDaffodil · 06/05/2021 02:42

@a8mint

I would more blame the cafe staff who allowed them there rather than their paying customers

She did blame the Staff, but its not unreasonable to be frustrated at the selfishness of people who have already eaten, and then continue hog the table for hours after, preventing other paying customers the courtesy of same comforts.