To think this is rude and selfish?

[SylHellais]

We went to a visitor attraction today with a cafe/restaurant on site. All the six tables (large round picnic type tables which would seat 6) were full, but three of them were occupied by one person at each table who had no drink or food but were just sitting there reading or looking at phones. There were other tables nearby not served by the cafe where people could sit.

Personally, I think the staff should have moved the non-eating/drinking people on, but they were clearly unwilling to, even when we pointed out that it was lunchtime and there were people occupying the tables who were not eating or drinking. We weren’t rude or confrontational about this, before anyone starts, it was just a polite comment.

All three of them saw us and other people trying to find somewhere to sit but chose to ignore us. The cafe were actually brilliant and did takeaways for us all so it was fine, but it just irritated me that these three men were determined to occupy tables when they didn’t need to.

Normally there's a sign saying the tables are for people who are eating from the restaurant/ cafe, I'm surprised the staff didn't ask them to go elsewhere.

This makes me

I have seen people also eating their own picnic food at places offering outside seating, whilst paying customers with a tray wander around like idiots with nowhere to sit.

I really don’t understand how some people have such a brass neck.

@BlackDaffodil

Certainly appreciate that some people do not feel comfortable approaching random strangers. I definitely would and very often do. Perhaps it's a cultural difference as I am American and don't really understand NOT speaking up directly for what you want. Sometimes much to the embarrassment of my British husband...

I was thoroughly impressed when a French friend politely but firmly asked a couple to move from a table for ten to a table for two at a pub. They looked a bit pissed off. I would never have dared!

@IrmaFayLear

Yes, I would definitely do the same without thinking about it. To me, it just seems like common sense / community minded. The worst that could happen is that they'd say "no". And then I'd say " Oh, do you mind me asking why then ?" ....

Normally, I’d have no problem at all with going up to one of them and saying ‘you don’t mind if we sit here, do you’, then sitting down, but with COVID regs I didn’t think that was the done thing.

I dunno, I was tempted to go and passive-aggressively ask one of them if he’d finished but sometimes it’s just not worth the aggro. The cafe staff seemed perfectly happy to do us a takeaway and there were seats elsewhere so I didn’t see the point in making a fuss. Pick your battles and all that.

[quote YankeeinKingArthursCourt]@BlackDaffodil

Certainly appreciate that some people do not feel comfortable approaching random strangers. I definitely would and very often do. Perhaps it's a cultural difference as I am American and don't really understand NOT speaking up directly for what you want. Sometimes much to the embarrassment of my British husband...[/quote]

Im in the USA too.

Whilst a bit chaotic because no signs explaining this is why our local Costa is great. They assign tables to people who are first in the queue from the till onwards and don’t let people sit or save tables for customers yet to buy anything or further in the queue. They are also quick to move people on if they try to jump the queue so to speak.
I would have been really irritated by what happened to you it’s not fair or acceptable but can also understand by cafe staff are relictant to say anything because of the likely abuse they would get.

I would have found the Manager, explained the situation and asked if they could suggest to the non diners that they move to where you eventually sat. They are a cafe after all, not a reading room.

YANBU

The staff really should have asked them to move especially as there were non-cafe tables free.
It is not entitled to want to sit down at a table and eat. So sorry people are being rude to you

You could just ask ' are these seats taken', they'd soon bugger off

I would have just taken over the table with my food drink and family and made them feel very uncomfortable. They will soon leave. (Adone this before)

@SylHellais
Yes, definitely appreciate that with Covid restrictions, sitting next to strangers is more than awkward ( you'd never know it being on the Tube still relatively crammed inside with others though...).

I think it's merely "direct" to ask someone if you can sit down. I feel like "passive aggressive" would be standing next to them with your food and glaring / tutting / sighing.

@BlackDaffodil

I'm an American in the UK. I find that I sometimes have to rein in my "directness" ( although many of my friends here are South African, Kiwis, Indian, other European etc so they are more similar). Do you find living in the US / Americans more direct ( OTT or "in your face") comparitively?

I agree with you, OP, but I would have asked if they minded if we sat at their table, socially distancing of course. They probably would have taken the hint and moved on. The cafe should have a sign saying that tables are reserved for customers with food and drink.

@YankeeinKingArthursCourt

nope

they are polite and very respectful.

@BlackDaffodil
That's encouraging then. I know my ( introverted) Brit husband can sometimes find my very large American family overwhelming/ loud when we are visiting.

It can be quite "regional" as well. My friend from New Mexico got a kick out of the "grumpy" New Englanders, my Massachusetts cousin was amused by his "Minnesota nice" in-laws, many of my California friends are stereotypically "chilled out" and I have had interesting run-ins with rather "assertive" New York City dwellers....

[quote YankeeinKingArthursCourt]@BlackDaffodil
That's encouraging then. I know my ( introverted) Brit husband can sometimes find my very large American family overwhelming/ loud when we are visiting.

It can be quite "regional" as well. My friend from New Mexico got a kick out of the "grumpy" New Englanders, my Massachusetts cousin was amused by his "Minnesota nice" in-laws, many of my California friends are stereotypically "chilled out" and I have had interesting run-ins with rather "assertive" New York City dwellers....[/quote]

Im Scottish but I get you 😂

@sma1978

I do agree with you OP, but also wonder what kind of attraction it was for 3 separate middle aged men to visit on their own, then sit and do nothing, not even eat or drink.

Yes what a coincidence 🤔

Probably holding it for the family in the que.

Now it's not really cricket and i do get a bit grrr when there are people with food that can't get a table because someone is holding a table for those in the que who might not be out for a good 20 mins in which case, someone with food could have scoffed and gone by then.

Lots of places do say not to bagsy tables before ordering. Doesn't stop people though and it's annoying standing there with a tray and moany kids and the person hogging the table does everything to ignore your requests to use the table.

When i know who they are waiting for ie they keep sending a kid out to ask things and they are so far back I'll be gone before they get served i just plonk down with them with a 'well we'll be long gone by the time they get here' but then if I had seen people wanting a table I would have given it up - I only bagsy if there are plenty and the que is short.

I'd be annoyed too. YANBU, or entitled, or any of the negative things you've been accused of.

Totally rude and selfish. YANBU.

YANBU
Men do this all the time in pubs too- my father in law does it! Yes they’re entitled to go out etc but I do find it a bit selfish to sit there nursing a pint for hours on end whilst the pub owners turn away families (I don’t know how they can afford to keep turning paying customers away).

I have on a couple of occasions said excuse me and just plonked myself down at the table, only if the person wasn't eating/drinking. Sorry, but if I have hot food/drink and they are sat with only a lap top. I will go and enquire about the table. I remember one guy huffed and puffed, but frankly, yes, he was being selfish and had been sat there for hours. Where I live every cafe is constantly packed. I really don't think people have the luxury of sitting for hours with books or laptops anymore. It is not their living room, it's a business.

That is selfish and annoying and I’m surprised the cafe allowed it.

YANBU but those staff are probably paid minimum wage on zero hour contracts and couldn’t give a shit who sits where or how it affects profit margins. Take it to head office if you like, you’ll probably get some signs out on the table or something, maybe a discount coupon...