To not want to have a gender reveal celebration incase DSS kicks off?

[WoohooCharityShops]

I'm pregnant with what is affectionately known as our 'rainbow' baby, the pregnancy began as twins but we lost one early on. I now have to have extra monitoring and I'm under consultant led care as something was picked up during tests which means surviving baby is at an increased risk. With all that in mind, I'm having an anxious pregnancy and I don't care what sex it is so long as it's healthy.

Once we find out the gender next week OH wants to do a gender reveal celebration for the children (ours and his) in the garden with balloons, a colour cannon etc so he can film it to look back on in the future.

The idea is sweet if a bit cringe but I don't want to do it, reason being I just know DSS2 is going to be overtly negative if the baby isn't his preferred sex. He has made his preference clear and said he wouldn't be happy unless it was that. DSS2 expresses his disappointment disproportionately to some as he has some additional needs. Gender disappointment risks a meltdown, basically.

Sadly and selfishly I don't think I would deal with that very well on the day, with everything I've gone through with the pregnancy so far and the uncertainty ahead - I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to deal his potential disappointment leading to a meltdown and spoiling the day.

OH was excited to do it as hes never done something like this before, it will be the last baby for the both of us, but I just don't want to for the above reason.

AIBU?

disclaimer - we all love DSS2 very much so let's not make this a step parent bashing thread please

I wonder why your oh is excited to plan something which he knows will potentially cause his son to have a meltdown?

Does he usually lack judgement?

@KingdomScrolls

Firstly the words sex and gender are not interchangeable. Secondly by making a big deal about what the sex of the baby is you are implying to your stepchildren that it matters. Also let's be honest the filming is for social media not posterity.

100% agree with this.

I would definitely refuse to do this under these circumstances under any, actually

Knowing his likely Asd.. if he likes cakes you could do cakes the colour pink or blue ( and yes i know boys can like pink etc) .. it might help see something positive in a girl.

With my asd ds.. i find if it starts with something positive- when introducing a tricky subject he is more likely to be accepting.

I wouldn’t bother with balloons and a glitter cannon.
I would compromise with a cake reveal just for the family.
I think it’s also important to explain to DS2 that he doesn’t get to choose, you didn’t get to choose, and basically it’s already a done deal. Maybe then he could begin to come to terms with that in advance.

It's the right choice you've made, as the parents of an autistic child you need to be flexible and accommodating and sometimes not do the things you'd ideally like to do.