Children apologising: who IBU in this situation?

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

Disclaimer: I’m neither family in this but my friend is.

A year 2 (age 7) girl gets shoved in the playground by a boy when they were playing cops and robbers. This really upsets her but she's not forthcoming with standing up for herself. When she gets home, because she knows the boy lives around the corner, she gets her (6ft tall and stocky - this is relevant) dad to take her to his house so she can knock on the door and ask him to apologise. The boy’s mum is a widow, an older mum (early 50’s) and it’s just the two of them living there. The dad/family of the girl know this.

When the girl and her dad arrive and say Thomas shoved her today and they’d like him to come to the door and apologise, Thomas’ mum says no because “it’s just what happens when children play sometimes they get shoved” and that the dad was out of order to come round as it’s intimidating for her living on her own to have an unexpected and ‘burly’ man knock on her door making demands.

The family of the girl say they think this is out of order and an apology should have been given, they’re trying to teach their daughter to stand up for herself especially when it comes to boys being rough and crossing physical boundaries.

Who is in the right?

Someone saying Minty is bonkers and someone else saying she’s more than a bit bonkers, is ganging up.

It really isn't.

It really isn't.

Great argument

@Cassilis Minty came on to the thread, made her own additions to this story (including what people involved actually said), victim blamed and called a grieving little boy she doesn't know a thug, saying it was only "alleged" that he was grieving his recently deceased dad. People called her out on that. That's not ganging up, that's various posters recognising how ridiculous an itself posters is and calling them out on their BS.

We are not obliged on MN to only allow one poster in total per thread to call someone out on their lies. If you want to call each other Hun and sing Kumbaya, nethuns is that way 👈🏼

@Cassilis

It really isn't.

Great argument

No worse than yours.

Where did I say only one person could call someone out? There is definitely a gang mentality. I disagree with Minty too but you guys behave like sharks, circling around her.

And when called out on bullying behaviour, the obligatory thread policing and calls to go to Nethuns. So predictable.

Next you'll be telling me I'm Minty!

@Cassilis behave like sharks? No - don't post bullshit and lies and then not expect people to call you out. Do you think people should have withheld what they wanted to say simply because others were in agreement with them? How many people is acceptable to call posters out on their BS?

Minty is presumably a grown up, if you're going to post inflammatory nonsense on an online thread then I think it's absolutely reasonable to expect a bit of backlash.

By all means disagree with her, there are no limits. But there's no need for personal attacks, which you guys have done or condoned.

I made a general comment about hating this side of MN, you should ask yourself why you're so defensive.

Where did I say only one person could call someone out?

You said, via your example, that more than one person doing it was "ganging up".

you should ask yourself why you're so defensive.

I'm not defensive, I just think you're wrong in this case.

Anyway, this has run its course. I'm out.

I'm not sure how we can make personal attacks at someone we know nothing about. I don't think "you're talking shit now" is a personal attack when in fact the person is talking shit.

Seriously though if you can't handle the grown up conversation maybe go somewhere else to post

@SoupDragon

Where did I say only one person could call someone out?

You said, via your example, that more than one person doing it was "ganging up".

Where did I say that?

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I'm not sure how we can make personal attacks at someone we know nothing about. I don't think "you're talking shit now" is a personal attack when in fact the person is talking shit.

Seriously though if you can't handle the grown up conversation maybe go somewhere else to post

Just because you start a thread doesn’t mean you dictate who posts on it Frangi!

There have been personal attacks, calling her bonkers etc.

@Cassilis um, I don't believe I've ever said people shouldn't post, I'm merely suggesting pulling up your big girl pants and stop being so upset about an inflammatory poster being called out on her nonsense.

So what if someone said she was bonkers - did you even read her posts?

OP,

You are my favourite poster of all time.

I think you're the one getting upset, with all the swearing upthread. I've no skin in the game, why would I be upset?

And here starts the arse licking . As I said, sharks.

Just really bloody nice to know there are sensible humans around. Sometimes I wonder..

Soooo...
@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop - have there been any developments? Did anyone talk to the school about either happening (the "shove" and the doorstepping)?

@Cassilis if you're sensitive to swearing and people not tolerating nonsense then maybe MN isn't the place for you? I take it you didn't read Minty's posts then? As I've asked a couple of time now but you seem to keep saying something boring about sHaRKs?

@Cassilis I have been told I sound bonkers on threads before. And worse.

Like most other people on here, I post my opinions and that sometimes gets a robust response.

If you don't like the term 'bonkers' what you you prefer me to say, to express my surprise snd concern at the ridiculous, false and inflammatory comments another person is posting?

What, in your opinion, would be an appropriate response, instead i
Of "hmm well xxx poster sounded a bit bonkers there"?

Personally I'd take far more offence if someone called me a cunt, but I can't really bring myself to get too worked up by 'bonkers' really.

It's not an attack. It's more of a 'wtf was that all about' type comment.

What's 'nethuns'?

@Macncheeseballs

What's 'nethuns'?

Its an derogatory reference to netmums where posters are supportive and encouraging to one another (occasionally even calling each other 'hun') and therefore deserve to be held in contempt and derision (according to some on here).

Or maybe it's an overly modified site where swearing and challenging isn't allowed and people prefer it on MN where ridiculous posts can be pulled up by other posters

Its always invoked when someone says another posters(s) are being totally arsey to someone on the thread. Or ganging up or being nasty or whatever. They are then told to fuck off to nethuns. Which I find odd.
Its kinda like: I am allowed to be arsey and call people out. But if someone is arsey to me and calls me out then they should fuck off to nethuns.
I am sure there is an irregular verb in there somewhere.

It was cops and robbers. I imagine there was a lot of shoving

Are you going to make things even more controversial by including police brutality