Children apologising: who IBU in this situation?

[FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]

Disclaimer: I’m neither family in this but my friend is.

A year 2 (age 7) girl gets shoved in the playground by a boy when they were playing cops and robbers. This really upsets her but she's not forthcoming with standing up for herself. When she gets home, because she knows the boy lives around the corner, she gets her (6ft tall and stocky - this is relevant) dad to take her to his house so she can knock on the door and ask him to apologise. The boy’s mum is a widow, an older mum (early 50’s) and it’s just the two of them living there. The dad/family of the girl know this.

When the girl and her dad arrive and say Thomas shoved her today and they’d like him to come to the door and apologise, Thomas’ mum says no because “it’s just what happens when children play sometimes they get shoved” and that the dad was out of order to come round as it’s intimidating for her living on her own to have an unexpected and ‘burly’ man knock on her door making demands.

The family of the girl say they think this is out of order and an apology should have been given, they’re trying to teach their daughter to stand up for herself especially when it comes to boys being rough and crossing physical boundaries.

Who is in the right?

Blimey just caught back up on the thread. minty's comments are a bit bonkers!! There's always one eh?

"Fight or flight” instinct is a very well known thing when someone is scared.
*
Sure, in extreme situations. Not because a bloke asks your son to apologise*

@MintyMabel are you always so dismissive of other people's experiences?

You literally have no control over the physiological response to a potential threat. It's a throwback mechanism and overrides conscious choice.

And that's the effect that a strange man, turning up on your doorstep uninvited, to discuss an incident your was probably unaware of will have.

@CandyLeBonBon

Blimey just caught back up on the thread. minty's comments are a bit bonkers!! There's always one eh?

Agree! Although l think MM is more than a 'bit' bonkers, if you aren't the girl's dm in this situation am incredulous at the level of inferring and word twisting!!

If a girl says she was pushed she should be believed. Pushing doesn’t happen by accident

Only if it's a girl? Why should a girl be believed? Are girls incapable of lying or, to be more charitable, misreading a situation?
One person's push is another person's bump, especially in the rough and tumble of the playground.

@JudgeJ this is MN - if boys shove girls they're violent bullies. If girls shove boys they're just asserting their boundaries

Why don’t people just respond to MintyMabel without ganging up on her? I hate this side of MN.

This is a matter for the school to deal with and it's not appropriate for parents to turn up on the doorstep of other parents.

@Cassilis

Why don’t people just respond to MintyMabel without ganging up on her? I hate this side of MN.

I did.

I’m not ‘ganging up’. I don’t know a soul on MN. I’m not in cahoots with anyone.

I’m just responding to someone I strongly disagree with. As you’ve suggested.

As are many others.

@Cassilis

Why don’t people just respond to MintyMabel without ganging up on her? I hate this side of MN.

They were.

She was making stuff up.

Why is it ganging up if several people don't agree with one poster's bizarre interpretation of the thread?

[quote FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop]@JudgeJ this is MN - if boys shove girls they're violent bullies. If girls shove boys they're just asserting their boundaries [/quote]
Absolutely.

Mind you, it happens in real life too. DS2 pushed a girl in primary in a situation where if he had done what the girl was doing to him and she had pushed him, he would still have been in the wrong. He was so upset that no one would listen to him.

Don't get me wrong, I know that girls have more to overcome/deal with in general but that doesn't mean boys should be demonised.

@MichelleScarn

Why is it ganging up if several people don't agree with one poster's bizarre interpretation of the thread?

Someone: Minty is bonkers

Someone else: Minty is more than a but bonkers.

Someone else: Minty must be the 7yos mum

Someone else: There’s always one

Someone else: you’re insane minty

And so on and so forth.

Both unreasonable!

Someone:...

Someone else:...

Right. So only one person is allowed to express an opinion about someone. 👍🏻

@Cassilis

Why don’t people just respond to MintyMabel without ganging up on her? I hate this side of MN.

I came back to this thread and it had been hijacked by one poster (mentioning no names) who was twisting facts, embellishing and making stuff up out of nowhere.

I chose to say something because it grinds my gears when other posters hijack a thread and start using it as a platform for their personal opinion and refuse to acknowledge when they might have got things wrong/mixed up.

Then another person chose to respond to my comment. Perhaps because they felt similarly?

That's not 'ganging up'
None of us are in cahoots to bring any other posters down. We are allowed to comment on bizarre posts which seem to bear no resemblance to the op though. That's what I and one or two other posters did. Nothing more.

Oh no candy l thought we were in cahoots, boo. You mean its not just that people can randomly have the same opinion that someone is being absolutely bizarre?!

A yea 2 child does not come to the idea that she needs to take her intimidating Dad round. Her parents have come up with that. They are in the wrong.

@MichelleScarn

Oh no candy l thought we were in cahoots, boo. You mean its not just that people can randomly have the same opinion that someone is being absolutely bizarre?!

You’re doing it again 😂

Someone saying Minty is bonkers and someone else saying she’s more than a bit bonkers, is ganging up.

And keep your cahoots, no one mentioned cahoots.

The dad was way out of order he should teach the girl to talk to the teachers or stand up for herself or call the school. On the other hand I would of said I will speak to my son in private and find out what happened but tell the dad if it happens at school it should be sorted there not on a parents doorstep I would find out if my son did do i, I would get him apologize if he had. But I would inform the school of what happened, so maybe they can talk to the girl and encourage her to not be afraid to talk to them about any issues at school and give her confidence to speak to them if anything happens in school to be sorted in school.

@viques

Good for the mother, standing up to intimidation, which is what it was. They knew her situation and the apology was that important to them the girls mother could have accompanied her daughter to the boys house.

Girls parents need to

A) teach/tell their daughter to speak to adults at school

B) get school to deal with school stuff.

Boys mother needs
A) to remind him to say sorry if he hurts someone unintentionally.

B) pat herself on the back for standing up to a bully.

Agree with this totally.

They're my cahoots. I want them back!!

First port of call should be the school. The girl needs support in school, even if it's just monitoring the boys behaviour and stepping in if needs be. She needs to find strategies to cope. The boy has lost his father and maybe acting up because of it therefore he may help via bereavement counselling.

I really don’t think he was ‘acting up’.

It was an active playground game. Kids are likely to get bumped.

Of course, I don’t know this for 100% certain. But, in every active playground game I’ve been a part of or witnessed, kids get bumped.

I mean,

@Cassilis

Why don’t people just respond to MintyMabel without ganging up on her? I hate this side of MN.

I responded to a post that I thought was problematic and was in the ballpark of victim blaming. If other people also had the same issue with the post, is it ganging up?

@SaturdayRocks when I read it the first time I thought it was happening regularly. If it was just once then it should have been dealt with by the school. It does sound like it was just a game that got a bit to rough.