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Original poster

Strip club

258 replies

amioverreactng · 04/05/2021 16:19

If your husband/partner told you they were going to go to the strip club during a stag do that's planned for the next couple of months, how would you feel?

He has said he won't be buying a dance but to me still ogling over half naked women isn't nice.

He said he can't just sit outside while 15 of his friends are inside enjoying themselves.

Also, if you've been to a strip club/know what they're like please give some insight. I've told him how it will make me feel and he's done the whole "oh so I can't go to the stag do at all now" and is trying to make me feel guilty. I have no problem with the stag do, but I do with the strip club. He's also told me that he's been to strip clubs before, which is news to me, but never since we've been together so he must enjoy them to want to keep going back?

Please give me some advice. My confidence is an all time low anyway, not through any of his other actions, just within myself so the thought of how much better looking these women are makes me want to be sick.

OP posts:
Gabriellastella · 04/05/2021 19:13

No one ever needs to be okay with sordid.

No one ever needs to pay towards trafficking and exploitation. How many of those women are being forced to be there? What man would know in his drunken state? How would he know he was paying to put her life in danger?

The bottom line is that it is totally inexcusable. Anyone that is supporting the idea by agreeing to DP and DH going are playing their part in the process of the degradation of women. Not cool.

ElphabaTWitch · 04/05/2021 19:13

Not sure I’d really bother. Pretty apathetic to be honest.

StoneofDestiny · 04/05/2021 19:17

I'd be revolted by my partner going to a strip club, and I'd never go to a hen night strip club either. Something utterly bizarre and primitive that groups of people want to do this - it's demeaning to all involved.

RevolvingPivot · 04/05/2021 19:27

@AnneLovesGilbert

DH wouldn’t go. My ex went on a friend’s stag do and on one night some of the guys went to a stag do but my ex and a few others skipped it. It’s perfectly possible to enjoy going away for a stag and miss parts of it you don’t agree with. My ex and the other strip club skippers drank sensibly priced pints in a nice pub and took the piss out of the ones who chose to go.

Dh wouldn’t go and if he was being pressured to go to a strip club as part of the stag he’d rather miss the whole thing. Friends don’t bully each other into doing things they don’t want to do when they’re grown ups. It’s pathetic.

And you believed all of that?
janeapple111 · 04/05/2021 19:28

@StoneofDestiny

I'd be revolted by my partner going to a strip club, and I'd never go to a hen night strip club either. Something utterly bizarre and primitive that groups of people want to do this - it's demeaning to all involved.
I don't think that as a species we have evolved much beyond animals. Many men certainly haven't.

Many men assume that they are entitled to women, and do not see women as having feelings.
Many men rape women.
Many men go to bars just to watch naked women.
Many men watch videos of violent sex.
Many men fight and kill other men.
Many men hurt women.

Elai1978 · 04/05/2021 19:44

Grow a fucking spine and stop blaming other people for your unethical choices elai. Weak men using other weak men for a cover. Pathetic.

I’m not blaming anyone! They don’t interest me in the slightest and not somewhere I’d make a beeline for but I’m not going to stand outside for hours or go back to a hotel at 10pm to make a point. I have absolutely no qualms sitting in the bar having a beer.

Merryoldgoat · 04/05/2021 19:50

@RevolvingPivot

Do you honestly think no men could not like them? Or refuse to go in? If you’ve not met any then I’m sorry for you.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/05/2021 20:04

I've been to some strip clubs with some colleagues. Some were dance only, some the dancers disappeared off to a back room and the men came with with some stories (not sure how true they were) that the no touching rule didn't apply. The girls do chat to the men but it's totally fake, they are trying to get them to commit to more cash.

Men do seem to to on stag dos when the bars shut and find it hard to say no...but I do know some men who are happy enough to say they dont fancy it, or say their wife wouldnt be happy with them, and either go back to the hotel early or ask if anyone else wants to go to a nearby late bar or something instead. Most men I know have grown out of it or feel more confident in saying to their mates that they don't want to.

I wouldn't be happy with my husband going, unless he would be happy for me to chuck Dave from accounts a twenty to rub his cock in my face on my lunch break. Then he could go for it. Because to me, I don't see the difference.

donquixotedelamancha · 04/05/2021 20:06

Also, if you've been to a strip club/know what they're like please give some insight.

From a very limited sample:

  • Girls are in underwear or bikinis.
  • You might see some boobs in the odd free dance (probably if no-one is paying) but usually not.
  • Atmosphere is like a tacky nightclub on a quiet night- they aren't lovely.
  • About half of the men will immediately start chatting up girls and, soon enough, paying for dances. The rest will (if smart) form a tight circle and nurse expensive drinks, shifting round periodically to protect the weaker members of the herd and trying to avoid eye contact.
  • The girls will try to winnow off individuals ranging from a quick chat (if busy) and then moving on to better prospects to prolongued, agressive pestering (if very quiet) and a bit of sexual assault to try to get the reluctant ones in the mood. Generally I don't think many men who have no interest change their mind.
  • (Second hand) The private dances sound awful. A strangers genitals mm from your face. Lots of grinding and most seeming to allow touching (at least for an extra charge).
MorganKitten · 04/05/2021 20:12

I used to work at one so it wouldn’t bother me - the girls just care about making the house fee money and taking money home not random men. Most are students, single mothers, I even knew a nurse when I worked at one. It’s a job.

RevolvingPivot · 04/05/2021 20:13

[quote Merryoldgoat]@RevolvingPivot

Do you honestly think no men could not like them? Or refuse to go in? If you’ve not met any then I’m sorry for you.[/quote]
You don't need to feel sorry for me

secretllama · 04/05/2021 20:14

Couldn't care less tbh...My husbands been to strip clubs on most stag dos and we'll openly talk about it when he gets back.

Aria999 · 04/05/2021 20:23

I went to a spearmint rhino on a work night out 🤣 the MD wanted to go somewhere quiet enough for us all to chat...

I would not have a problem with DH going if he wanted to. It was just a quiet table with some drinks and an unusual view! But I would have a problem with any private dances. That was the sleazy part IMO.

The women were confident, beautiful and well paid. One of them used to be a manager at the company I worked for at the time but switched to dancing for more money and better hours.

2morecats · 04/05/2021 20:34

“Thank you so much everyone for your replies it's really helped. I wish I was like some of you who are okay with it but I'm just not. “

No OP, don’t wish you were okay with it. You have high standards and integrity - why would you wish that away? Please stop doubting yourself. You are NOT the problem here.

MizMoonshine · 04/05/2021 20:53

My DP is skipping an upcoming stag do because of the 3 strip clubs on the agenda. I'm having none of that shit.

DenisetheMenace · 04/05/2021 20:55

Not acceptable to me, sorry. He wouldn’t have wanted to anyway (32 years ago when it was more common).

PerspicaciousGreen · 04/05/2021 20:56

Gosh, I'd be really really unhappy with this. I'd be unhappy with him going in and I'd be unhappy with him spending his/our money there and therefore supporting it. But then, my DH would probably bring a book and wait in a pub round the corner! Honestly! Or just come home early.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone else in the group didn't want to go - they could go somewhere else together. One someone cracks the facade, people are often quick to admit it if they're not the first.

Going to a strip club is completely different to having a fleeting thought on the street that someone looks hot. I wouldn't expect my husband to have iron control over every passing thought that flickers through his head. I do expect him to take responsibility for his actions and not to leer or wolf-whistle. I've seen people and thought, "Wow, he's gorgeous!" But then I've given myself a shake and looked away and focused on something else.

MarshmallowAra · 04/05/2021 20:58

He has some fkg neck on him expecting to go into a lap dancing club when he vetoed you (or gave a strong opinion that influenced you to veto) working in a bar because of the male attention you might get.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/05/2021 20:58

I’m told by all the men I know who’ve ended up in strip clubs on lads’ nights and stag dos that they’re pretty unsexy, really expensive, and generally very few of the group especially want to be there but get herded in by the two or three who do and mostly just sit there drinking and chatting as they would in another bar and not really being all that interested in the dancers.

I've heard this too. None of DHs friends did this on stag as they all found it a bit ew. They are a rather tame group of guys though.

MarshmallowAra · 04/05/2021 21:01

Presumably if he can't even abide the thought of you working behind a bar, he absolutely couldn't abide you stripping so why is it ok for him to watch strippers (if he doesn't buy a private dance ... Which many say they won't but when the drinks in, everyone else is doing it and the persuasive, charming and good looking women working there, who usually make most of their money from private dances, are working their routine .... in fact do.

MarshmallowAra · 04/05/2021 21:02

Also is this abroad .. cause strip clubs tend to be brothels in several countries (even in the Canaries) and definitely Eastern Europe.

MarshmallowAra · 04/05/2021 21:06

Some guys can organise a stag do without making all dancing clubs part of it ... Says s lot about the ones who "can't".

You can male-bond with your mates white water rafting, coasteering, climbing, zip lining, shooting etc etc.

Why does it have to involve trawling sex industry clubs and watching women other than your partner get naked (and a lot more if they buy a private dance).

I find women are actually usually very naive about the level of stuff that happens in some lap dancing clubs ... I've seriously seen a review with s guy talking about buying a "lesbian" duo strip where he "definitely saw at least a few licks on target on the pussy".

Morgan12 · 04/05/2021 21:08

I wouldn't be okay with it either.

Would your husband be okay with you dancing sexily for other men? Even if they 'can't touch you'.

MyDogIsDrivingMeMad · 04/05/2021 21:08

Of all the things you can do with a group of friends, why would anyone choose the boring, sleazy option of a strip club? It's so lacking in imagination and individuality. It does feel utterly disrespectful to the bride-to-be and the wives and girlfriends of the other men attending.

I'd want him to not want to go, but since that's not happening, the only choices are sitting back and leaving it up to him or asking that he not go, which will obviously displease him. It's a crappy situation.

I'd be annoyed with the groom or whoever chose the venue and think less of that person from now on.

MarshmallowAra · 04/05/2021 21:08

That was Inna British club btw.

What is supposed to happen legally and what actually happens are two very different things.

I also tend to think lap dancing clubs can be a gateway to these dudes thinking escorts are ok (on the do or later).

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