Strip club

[amioverreactng]

If your husband/partner told you they were going to go to the strip club during a stag do that's planned for the next couple of months, how would you feel?

He has said he won't be buying a dance but to me still ogling over half naked women isn't nice.

He said he can't just sit outside while 15 of his friends are inside enjoying themselves.

Also, if you've been to a strip club/know what they're like please give some insight. I've told him how it will make me feel and he's done the whole "oh so I can't go to the stag do at all now" and is trying to make me feel guilty. I have no problem with the stag do, but I do with the strip club. He's also told me that he's been to strip clubs before, which is news to me, but never since we've been together so he must enjoy them to want to keep going back?

Please give me some advice. My confidence is an all time low anyway, not through any of his other actions, just within myself so the thought of how much better looking these women are makes me want to be sick.

Thank you so much for the replies I appreciate all of them.
A little update, he has told his friends he won't be going to the stag do and has made a different excuse up, not just "my mrs doesn't want me in a strip club".
We've spoken about it extensively, he couldn't care for being in the strip club, it was more of a fact of missing out when the other men will be going. But this doesn't make me feel much better and I still don't want him in one, the same as he wouldn't want me to have a naked man rub himself up against me.
I have no issue with him going to the stag do, but I do think these conversations has opened his eyes to the fact that they are all 30+ and there comes a time when this type of thing isn't done anymore and not every partner is going to be okay with him being in a strip club. He'd much rather not go to the whole thing rather than upset me if he was to end up in one with the rest of the group.
Hopefully when it actually comes around he sticks to his word, I think he will but I don't know what the other men are saying to him they might convince him to go.

They all say they won't get a dance...but they all do!

I've been in a few...not much to say really, it's how you imagine them. I remember one guy friend sitting down with a stripper and stroking her legs. A few weeks later I was out with the same crowd and the guys girlfriend was there this time too. I said to her I didn't know why she was ok with the guys going to strip clubs, she said well he doesn't so anything, I told her he was stroking legs of the stripper. She burst into years, couldn't be consoles, her BF couldn't get it out of her why she was so upset. He had a go at me "I don't know what you've done to upset her but it's bad". My BF fell out with me as well and I was basically ejected from the group. Yes, I was the bad guy for telling her what he got up to, not the fact he was stroking some other woman's legs.
They went on to get married and have 4 kids.

And I know from other BFs I've had when they've been and told "funny" stories. One stripper rubbed her fanny on a guys leg, cream coloured trousers and left blood mark.

Some strippers do allow handsy stuff.
Basically I found the whole thing really sad. I've been in 4 or 5 and it's just sad bastards leering at women. There's a very creepy, cold feeling to the places, negotiations going on about which guy is going for what girl, then walk along the corridor to the shitty curtained off dressing room type thing (that's basically exactly what they are - a dressing room like you'd find in any clothes shop, they pull the curtain, guests for a song or two then leave.

I said to her I didn't know why she was ok with the guys going to strip clubs, she said well he doesn't so anything, I told her he was stroking legs of the stripper.

@Horehound Sounds like you took glee in telling her that.

No, definitely not!

@Horehound

They all say they won't get a dance...but they all do!

I've been in a few...not much to say really, it's how you imagine them. I remember one guy friend sitting down with a stripper and stroking her legs. A few weeks later I was out with the same crowd and the guys girlfriend was there this time too. I said to her I didn't know why she was ok with the guys going to strip clubs, she said well he doesn't so anything, I told her he was stroking legs of the stripper. She burst into years, couldn't be consoles, her BF couldn't get it out of her why she was so upset. He had a go at me "I don't know what you've done to upset her but it's bad". My BF fell out with me as well and I was basically ejected from the group. Yes, I was the bad guy for telling her what he got up to, not the fact he was stroking some other woman's legs.
They went on to get married and have 4 kids.

This is the classic example of the denial that some women are in about this. If your man goes to a strip club, he isn't there as a spectator, he is paying for dances at least. Either be cool with that or don't, but don't be dense and be "ok" with him going because he doesn't do anything!!

I would personally have no issue whatsoever with this. But that doesn't mean you're not entitled to. I do, however, know a lot of women who don't allow their husband's to go to strip clubs but happily watch male strippers themselves saying that their husband doesn't have the right to "control" them and, in my opinion, that's just absurd behaviour.
I'd say you can tell DH you don't want him to do it but you have no right to veto his behaviour - you're free to leave at any time if it's a dealbreaker for you.

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Show OP
06/05/2021 09:29 soditall56

emilyfrost
I've told him to wait outside,

You don’t get to tell him what to do; he’s not a child. You express your feelings and he chooses how to act knowing them.

Quite frankly I don’t see the issue. He’s allowed to look, and he’s allowed to find other women attractive. Whether he does to a strip club or not that doesn’t stop him finding others beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with that.

It doesn’t mean he loves you any less.“

Maybe so. Doesn’t respect you though, does he?