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Original poster

Strip club

258 replies

amioverreactng · 04/05/2021 16:19

If your husband/partner told you they were going to go to the strip club during a stag do that's planned for the next couple of months, how would you feel?

He has said he won't be buying a dance but to me still ogling over half naked women isn't nice.

He said he can't just sit outside while 15 of his friends are inside enjoying themselves.

Also, if you've been to a strip club/know what they're like please give some insight. I've told him how it will make me feel and he's done the whole "oh so I can't go to the stag do at all now" and is trying to make me feel guilty. I have no problem with the stag do, but I do with the strip club. He's also told me that he's been to strip clubs before, which is news to me, but never since we've been together so he must enjoy them to want to keep going back?

Please give me some advice. My confidence is an all time low anyway, not through any of his other actions, just within myself so the thought of how much better looking these women are makes me want to be sick.

OP posts:
PerspicaciousGreen · 06/05/2021 09:39

@amioverreactng I find it very weird that your DH is being so insistent, OP, and can't figure out whether he:

  1. Is desperate for the sexual experience of a strip club
  2. Really thinks he will lose his friends if he doesn't join in the "lads bonding" (even if he goes to the rest of the weekend)
  3. Views it as just another drinks venue and has so little respect for you that he isn't willing to entertain your opinion on the matter
  4. Or.... I don't know!

I guess if you could figure out which it might move the conversation forward?

TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 06/05/2021 13:49

Going to the club - no issue with that
Getting a dance - a bit icky but I wouldn't be ending things, probs sulk a bit till I was bought a gift to say sorry

Confused
WarwickHunt · 06/05/2021 22:18

@amioverreactng

Chanjer - thank you for your input, I don't understand this either. I have said go to the stag do, he'd have a lovely weekend but I draw the line at the strip club. Apparently that means that he can't go to the whole thing because they'll be in the strip club for a few hours. Weird.

I'm hoping to catch up with some of the other wives before the stag do. I'm not sure if they know about the strip club or if they're all okay with it so it'd be interesting to have their opinions.

The thing is, he is incredibly intelligent. He has a very good job and I'm honestly taken aback at him even mentioning that they'll be going to a strip club. Like I've said, he's been to a few before but never since being with me so obviously he was younger. But I've told him how much he would upset me so all I can do now is see what he wants to do. If he chooses to still go it'll make me rethink our relationship and he knows this

Honestly, this seems to be bizarrely controlling.

If men going to strip clubs is a huge red line for you to the extent that you don't want to be with a man who thinks it's ok, then that makes sense, he's shown you that his views conflict with yours, and unfortunately you need to LTB.

But telling/bullying/wheedling him into not going is just weird. He still thinks it's ok. He's still the sort of man you find deeply objectionable. What have you achieved? You've not convinced him that he was wrong. You've just proved that you can make him do what you want.

In particular (other than showing you what he thinks about strip clubs) how will his presence at this strip club actually affect you?

The whole thing seems to be rooted in insecurity and control.

lazylinguist · 06/05/2021 22:34

He said he can't just sit outside while 15 of his friends are inside enjoying themselves.

Well he could... Or he could not go to tye stag do. I wouldn't go to an event that involved something I was strongly morally against. Would you, OP? So presumably he's not against them.

Summerdayshaze · 06/05/2021 22:45

An ex told me he went to one and ended up having sex with two strippers on stage to cheers from about 50 + men. I couldn’t look at him the same way after he told me. It put me off men too really.

RevolvingPivot · 07/05/2021 12:51

Men don't usually have sex with strippers. This must have been either abroad or a brothel??

MsTSwift · 07/05/2021 14:36

My ex went to a stag where a lot of men had sex with the stripper in the back room. Just vile

MarshmallowAra · 07/05/2021 15:18

@MsTSwift

My ex went to a stag where a lot of men had sex with the stripper in the back room. Just vile
Apparently it's v common in eastern Europe, and I've also been told about this happening in the Canary Islands
MarshmallowAra · 07/05/2021 15:22

People talking about waiting outside like they'd be standing in the rain outside a door like a stray dog lol what's wrong with other bars Inc hotel ones of its very late.

MarshmallowAra · 07/05/2021 15:23

*if it's very late

MsTSwift · 07/05/2021 17:50

This was London. The men solicitors and barristers

Ladyraven0483 · 07/05/2021 18:09

Wouldn’t bother me tbh. I know the seedy ones offer extras in private rooms though. My other half went to one on a stag do in Benidorm last year before the lockdown. Told me the women seemed like they would rob you. He went in had a drink and left. He’s also been to one for his brothers stag do and they took photos of his brothers lap dance and said they all pissed theirselves laughing 😂 seemed like all good fun and the stripper was finding it funny too nothing seedy or serious. Don’t mind as long as he tells me

lazylinguist · 07/05/2021 18:17

Men don't usually have sex with strippers.

But some do, and presumably many of those who don't only don't because it's not permitted, so they get private 'dances' instead. Revolting.

He’s also been to one for his brothers stag do and they took photos of his brothers lap dance and said they all pissed theirselves laughing 😂 seemed like all good fun and the stripper was finding it funny too nothing seedy or serious.

Yes, nothing seedy at all about a woman rubbing herself all over a complete stranger for money while his friends laugh. Hmm And I'm sure she really genuinely found it hilarious when she has to do that to drunk arseholes day-in-day-out.

Sunflowers095 · 07/05/2021 19:53

Nope, that would not be alright with me. Why men like this is beyond me.

Tell him that's fine and he can go, but you'll be getting a private stripper while you're home so you can have some fun too.

Summerdayshaze · 09/05/2021 14:14

@RevolvingPivot

Men don't usually have sex with strippers. This must have been either abroad or a brothel??
A pub back room in London.
Peace43 · 09/05/2021 14:18

I’ve been to one. Nothing sexy about it. It was crude (no one wants to eat a twin that’s been up there!!!) It was Amsterdam so maybe not the same in the UK. Wouldn’t bother me if my DP went.

OhWhyNot · 09/05/2021 14:23

Why do these men have to go

If my friend told me her stag night was going to involve strippers who would then give us a private dance while rubbing themselves against us I wouldn’t go or leave after the dinner before it got to this

It would make me feel really uncomfortable and it’s just vile

yet these poor souls from the goodness of their hearts don’t mind feeling uncomfortable for their friends, bless how sweet

TheresAnEyeInMeSoup · 09/05/2021 18:34

no one wants to eat a twin that’s been up there!!!

What???

ProfPickles · 09/05/2021 19:06

What amazes me is the amount of women who say it wouldn't bother them, but would be appalled to walk in to their husband having a naked lap dance from a woman he met at work. Then it would be an affair!

But for some reason the woman being paid makes it acceptable in their eyes. Absolutely bizarre!

DenisetheMenace · 09/05/2021 20:32

ProfPickles

What amazes me is the amount of women who say it wouldn't bother them, but would be appalled to walk in to their husband having a naked lap dance from a woman he met at work. Then it would be an affair!

But for some reason the woman being paid makes it acceptable in their eyes. Absolutely bizarre!“

Isn’t it just.

WarwickHunt · 10/05/2021 13:05

Interesting thought experiment. I guess I'd put the paid lapdance in the same category as watching porn - the dancer has no interest in the spectator, it's not going any further, and it's basically a fantasy. But we all have our own boundaries.

SocialAffairsAndWoodlandFolk · 10/05/2021 13:12

@WarwickHunt

Interesting thought experiment. I guess I'd put the paid lapdance in the same category as watching porn - the dancer has no interest in the spectator, it's not going any further, and it's basically a fantasy. But we all have our own boundaries.
Wait, sorry- for you, it's no issue because the woman has no interest in your partner? Even though your husband presumably has enough interest in her to pay her for a lap dance?
ProfPickles · 10/05/2021 13:24

@WarwickHunt my concern isn't whether or not the woman is interested, it's more that the man will be sat their desperately wanting to have sex with them and will be extremely turned on and aroused by paying for access to a woman's body.

How could you feel okay about that?

zaima · 10/05/2021 14:17

There is a type of man who will get off on the fact there are venues where he can effectively purchase women to perform for him. The more sad the specimen, the more likely he is to get off in this because, lets face it, these men are the types nobody would concern themselves with in real life. It’s the power dynamic basically, that he’s getting off on.

If the same man was to get a naked lap dance from a woman he just met in a bar or the office or whatever, that would be cheating, right? Exactly the same “dance,” but yet cheating. The only difference in a lap dance club is that money has not exchanged hands. Somehow this means it is not cheating.

We live in a weird society where women are conditioned to believe that their husbands are entitled to this type of entertainment (let’s not concern ourselves as to why / how the stripper has come to be where she is) - but only as long as they have paid for it. Oh, and they’re particularly entitled to it when they’re getting married. Yes, that’s when their mates will chip in for them to go in a private room and who knows what extras. A rite of passage, you may say. But oh no, it’s not cheating - because money changed hands here you see. What a laugh!

To my mind, the fact that money changes hands makes it worse, not better! I’d actually have more respect for a man who had a lap-dance with a woman he met elsewhere (because presumably she wanted to do that too). Obviously that would be game over, but the man in a strip club on a stag, has not only done the physical act, but also inflicted the extra humiliation that he has paid for the woman (in terms of her time, body, self-respect). Even though it’s fake from her perspective; and even if she thinks he’s totally vile, she has to act like he’s not because he is paying her.

In 2021, it’s amazing how this is still so common place and we have so many grooms waiting at the altar who only a week or so earlier had a woman / women grinding naked all over them in a private room.

My husband once went on a stag and a limo turned up. In the limo we’re strippers / hookers. He didn’t get in the limo and he said one looked about 16 and drugged.

zaima · 10/05/2021 14:18

Sorry, the only difference in a lap dance club is that money HAS changed hands (obvs).

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