Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Argument with dh over holiday

147 replies

CatsnCoffee · 03/05/2021 22:54

We met at Uni 34 years ago and moved to dh’s hometown just before marrying 6 years later. When our dc were younger we visited my parents for a week/10 days every Summer. This was lovely in lots of ways, but there was always friction before and during our stay between dh and me.
Given that I only see my hometown on these infrequent visits, I wish my dh would make more effort to be positive about them. We don’t have loads of money, but these are our only annual holidays and he always looks for cheap options and likes to take charge of all the planning etc. He is a temperamental person and can go into a rage/ become very frustrated very easily with me and doesn’t restrain this when on holiday.
16 years ago my Dad died. 7 years ago my Mum died, leaving my Aunt as my remaining family there. I regret not seeing more of my parents when they were alive.
2 years since our last holiday there the children and I have been looking forward to returning there this Summer, but today dh brought up the subject with me and it ended in a very unpleasant exchange over which I feel very defeated. I’ve told him he’s spoilt our previous holidays and I can’t face another conversation with him on the subject. A bad atmosphere hangs over us and I deeply resent his attitude.

OP posts:

Macaroni46 · 03/05/2021 22:57

Maybe he wants to go somewhere else for a change?

LouiseTrees · 03/05/2021 23:02

Could you invite your aunt to spend time with you somewhere else?

toucantoucaninatree · 03/05/2021 23:02

So every holiday you've had has been to your home town to see your family? I really hope the town is a holiday destination!

I don't blend your DH for being fed up. Why can't you visit your family at another time of year and then have an actual holiday?

HollowTalk · 03/05/2021 23:02

Can you go to stay with your aunt without him? He sounds absolutely terrifying by the way.

toucantoucaninatree · 03/05/2021 23:03

"Blame", not blend...

AnneLovesGilbert · 03/05/2021 23:07

The issue is the rage not the holidays. If he doesn’t want to go with you he should have said so not punished by you unleashing hell.

Don’t do it again, why would you. See your aunt by yourself, and think about leaving him. My xh was a rager. I can’t tell you how my life improved when I left him.

mikejardine · 03/05/2021 23:08

Wow these replies are harsh! Op i'm so sorry for the losses you have had and can see why you feel emotive around this what exactly is the problem from DH perspective, you haven't really said? Is it the lack of variety?

Ikeameatballs · 03/05/2021 23:18

I think there is probably an enormous amount left out of that OP.

Trisolaris · 03/05/2021 23:23

@mikejardine

Wow these replies are harsh! Op i'm so sorry for the losses you have had and can see why you feel emotive around this

what exactly is the problem from DH perspective, you haven't really said? Is it the lack of variety?

Agree! They live in OP’s husband’s hometown 51 weeks of the year and he can’t deal with her hometown for one week a year? If he asked to go for a cheaper option so they could also do a weekend somewhere else or something for variety then I could understand but it sounds like he just resents the whole trip!

converseandjeans · 03/05/2021 23:36

I don't think he's unreasonable to want to go somewhere different especially as your parents are no longer around. I would go alone and visit family. Go somewhere new?

That said he sounds like he's a bit of a nightmare. How old are the children? Ask them what they want to do.

PanamaPattie · 03/05/2021 23:48

You and the DC can go and leave him behind.

GreenDahlia · 04/05/2021 00:02

Your Husband is a selfish prick.. he's happy living amongst his own family kin.. but resents visiting your home town. Prick.

Ditch the Prick, and go home whenever you chose.

BackforGood · 04/05/2021 00:09

They live in OP’s husband’s hometown 51 weeks of the year and he can’t deal with her hometown for one week a year?

After 34 years, I would also suggest that that is actually the OP's home town too.

However I totally agree with all the first 4 replies.
You haven't explained why, in 34 years, you've not been on holiday anywhere else.
Nor why you only visited your parents once a year.
Nor, what it is that gives your dh 'the rage'
Nor, if he is like that all the time or if it is something about this week that triggers him.

Without a lot more info, there's no way I can tell if You are, or aren't being reasonable or unreasonable. There are too many unanswered questions.

conywarp · 04/05/2021 00:11

Can you not have a family holiday elsewhere and a visit to your hometown?

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 04/05/2021 10:47

Flying into a rage is not acceptable! However I can understand him being frustrated that for 34 years you have gone on the same holiday.

Aprilshowersandhail · 04/05/2021 10:49

Leave him at home... Win bloody win...

MiddleParking · 04/05/2021 10:50

Blimey, I wouldn’t be positive about it either if I was him.

UmamiMammy · 04/05/2021 10:52

How far do you have to travel to get to your hometown?

Hoppinggreen · 04/05/2021 10:53

Is your husband generally shouty and unreasonable? If so then he’s the problem but he may have a point about the holiday (even if he is expressing it badly)
He probably thought that now your parents aren’t around he might get a holiday somewhere else at last

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 04/05/2021 10:58

There's no excuse for flying into a rage but I would be frustrated beyond all reason if I'd only ever been to two places (my home town and your home town) in almost 30 years.

Topseyt · 04/05/2021 11:00

He shouldn't be flying into rages. Does he do that over other things too? If so then your problems are not entirely about holidays.

That said, going on the same holiday for all those years is something many of us would find frustrating. I'd want to go somewhere else at times too.

Take the children and go to visit your aunt for a few days on your own. DH doesn't have to come.

Then, if possible, all go on a different holiday somewhere else. See how that works.

MayGreen · 04/05/2021 11:06

We have a similar situation and I go with the kids without my DH. Would you be able to do this or would it cause a problem? What's the source of the friction? Is it going to the same place and not holidaying anywhere else or he doesn't like your relatives or home town or is your husbands behaviour always difficult? I realised with my DH that there was no way he could be happy visiting my relatives (they don't get on) and he doesn't like the location, so leaving him behind meant everyone was happy, but maybe this wouldn't work for you? Is it possible to do a long weekend instead, perhaps a couple of long weekends over the year without him then a holiday together somewhere else (if you'd want to go elsewhere with him?) I think meeting the Aunt somewhere else is a nice idea too if she's able to travel and it's affordable.

billy1966 · 04/05/2021 11:07

@GreenDahlia

Your Husband is a selfish prick.. he's happy living amongst his own family kin.. but resents visiting your home town. Prick.

Ditch the Prick, and go home whenever you chose.

Nasty piece of work that you have put up with for 28 years in his hometown.

You poor woman.

Are you planning on putting up with his bullshit forvthe rest of your life?

You deserve better.

Pinkdormobile · 04/05/2021 11:14

The only way your DH's views would be acceptable would be if he sat down with you and tried to find a compromise which would work for both of you. For example, going for a few days to your home town, maybe staying somewhere really cheap and then a few days somewhere HE wants to go.

He doesn't do that though, he throws his wait around to scare you into going along with what he wants. And even when you do get your own way, he controls you by making all the decisions about it.

I must admit he sounds like a bully. No one should control their partner by exploding to get their own way. It's a very unhealthy dynamic. I would think about how you might want to change this dynamic as it's unhealthy for both you and the children.

Pinkdormobile · 04/05/2021 11:14

*weight

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread