Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

11 year olds are more than capable of going to parks on their own and hanging out.

Tbh if they are going to try things they will do it anywhere. It was well known that kids at my posh private school would have a smoke on their hacks.

@malifient7 Now that will make you hack on a hack...

@laserfocus don't worry ... not about to abandon the child to the elements just yet... also she wants to be a lawyer (divorce - we are trying to direct to human rights) and knows she can't have a record... smart kid

It depends on your child - and also on your park. Every child and area is different - and every park.

If you say so....sure of course, and by 13/14 are they are still going to be playing pokemon etc or do suppose they might switch that for something more interesting? It is not about what they are doing now, but what is coming down the line. Unless you think you kid is the special one that will never ever dream of it (and we all know parents like that)

It is called setting precedents. It is about stating what is cool what is not early enough to avoid the bad stuff. But you go ahead if you think this is still gonna be what you want for them in a few years. I beg to differ in my line of work, but you do you, and keep telling yourself the fresh air will save them.

So is your advice that your children should never set foot in a park unsupervised then? That is so fucking weird.

Most of the kids I see just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time too op. They didn't set out to ruin their lives.
Parks are great for little kids playing on the swings, and for exercise not so great for groups of bored teens and dealers once the last pram has rolled out. You have a law enforcement officer posting their view, and others, and you choose to ignore it for some weird reason. Do you think you and your kid are immune to the shit that does down in these places? Or are so desperate to get on with your own stuff you don't care where they are, or what they are doing. sad for the kids this won't work out for.

What is fucking weird is the idea that teens are in parks to play on swings. That is deluded.

The number of kids who “ruin their lives” by hanging out in a park is tiny.

Letting kids do anything is a risk. You have to take calculated risks based on your kids, the people they mix with, the personalities and where you live.

You simply can’t keep all kids locked indoors because a small number get involved in trouble.

Repeatedly stating that people who make different choices don’t give a shit about their kids is just ridiculous.

Seriously whatever.

What is fucking weird is the idea that teens are in parks to play on swings. That is deluded.

We aren't talking about teens. I can absolutely guarantee that my 11 year old still plays in the swing (it's a basket one not actual swings) and at 13 she won't be there 'when the last pram rolls out' (quite at our park tbf) she might be there in the day and afternoon as with just now or more likely hanging out in her bedroom with her friends

Please midnight, listen.

Yes your kid is playing now, but what will she will be doing at 13/14? Yup she will still want to go to the park, she will have a whole bunch of park mates by then, and won't be listening to you. Are you actually going to ban her from going once she gets older?? Are you going to lock her in room away from her mates once it gets dark at 14? I thought not.

You don't need to look far to see how this ends.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/4224427-teen-son-using-mdma-ecstacy

He is enjoying the beautiful park too, and his mum had no idea. Same as most of you by the time you actually realise there is a problem it will be too late. Kids grow up quickly. Keep your eyes wide open.

Park mates?!

I suppose it depends where you live.

Our town has one primary school and no high school, so the chance of my kids hanging out with complete strangers is very very low.

Your dramatic proclamations fail to take into account the personal circumstances of different people.

My dd is the same age as yours. She is constantly at the local parks (there are 3 within easy walking distance). She also walks to and from school, let's herself into an empty house when she gets home, stays at home on her own for about 30-45 minutes until I get home. We also live in a small city, in the NW. We're in a pretty safe area, they've all got phones to keep in touch with their parents when they need to.

How will she get to secondary school in September? If she has to make her own way there (a lot of year 7s do) then you need to let her have some independence now so it's not such a huge change for her. Maybe try a few times where she can go but has to check in every 20 minutes so you know she's ok, then build up from there if it goes well (I think it probably will).

'My son has stopped going out with his mates as they hang around the park getting stoned on weed and have moved on to MDMA - and some on to Ket at parties. He finds them incredibly stupid. These are good kids with great parents - two have already dropped out of sixth form as they prefer a joint to getting up. Don't underestimate this OP'

Look not all teens are interested in the whole drink/drug/smoking scene ... in fact I think a lot of them are far more sensible than we were in the mid 80s. Far more focus on gym/food/image.

@laserfocus

'My son has stopped going out with his mates as they hang around the park getting stoned on weed and have moved on to MDMA - and some on to Ket at parties. He finds them incredibly stupid. These are good kids with great parents - two have already dropped out of sixth form as they prefer a joint to getting up. Don't underestimate this OP'

Well we should clearly extrapolate that to all children across the nation, even the 11 year old actually being discussed.

This is all coming your way:

'My DD is almost 15 and her most of her friends just seem to hang usually with a bottle of something alcoholic and vapes.. I know at 15 I used to do this but it feels so wrong... She only likes going out with a purpose (ie shopping, cinema etc!!) which obviously has been very difficult this past year. They all seem to meet in various different parks from about 2pm and get collected by a parent at about 10pm! She also only likes being out for a few hours - although I haven't actually completely stopped her going out she knows I am not happy with the drinking and vaping - she has made the decision not to as she gets bored but it now means she has sort of lost all her friends,'

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/4218456-teenagers-hanging-out

Yeah ok.

I think we need to have a Mumsnet campaign to ban parks as they're such a clear and present danger.

Make the park go dark
Parks: the gateway drug
Be a bright spark, don't go to the park

Any other strap line ideas welcome.

@laserfocus are you law enforcement in uk? Whereabouts roughly!

My just turned 12yr old has been going to the park with friends (lockdowns permitting) for the last year.

It does his mental health and I dependence the world of good, really noticeable in his behaviour.

Op you are just over a year away from your dd really growing up. It might be worth reading some of the posts on the teen section:

13 year old - help!

'We had an incident a few months ago where him and his friends made a stupid choice and took drugs (spice). His friend ended up in hospital for 3 days. Since this happened my son has been grounded. A few weeks ago I let him back out but said he had to stay in the local area where I could see him (we live facing a large park so this was the area). He went out of sight and I got a call from a friend to say she could see him vaping. He's again grounded. He's not allowed on social media since repeatidly sending and receiving inappropriate pictures, we've given and given and compromised with this with new conditions, with parental apps etc but he hasn't stopped so now it's a ban. Last week he stole my e cigarette out of my drawer in my bedroom. He stole his dad's on Saturday while they were having a dad's lads night watching films, he stood up and dad's ecig fell out of his pocket. I have a bottle of red wine left from Xmas in the kitchen which I now use for cooking, this morning it's empty.

He's going down a spiral and I don't know how to stop it'