Page 12 | Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

dramaqueen80 · 2021-05-03T21:52:10+00:00

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never [grin])

Original poster

dramaqueen80 · 04/05/2021 22:10

In the park they play on equipment - swing, climbing frames + they make up stories/scenarios and do dances so plenty going on ... they take picnic food, they chat, they interact - from what I can tell. It's not the only thing she does - she does drama club, swimming, violin. She doesn't want to go ALL the time. Just occasionally. Partly I think she wants to make the most of her friends b4 she goes off to a different high school. Other activities might pop up - and we can invite kids over again soon and vice versa + hopefully shops/cinema etc open soon. I'm happy to facilitate the park meets and have - am just wondering if I need to be there. Have felt it is better to be but maybe it is time to step back. I have been sitting on a bench then sitting on grass then sitting in car outside the park so I am progressively moving out of the frame. We live round the corner down the street and round the corner away. Sounds like it is time to buy some data, get her a debit card and reclaim my life - woo bloody hoo! Thanks for responses!

OP posts:

Teeshirt · 04/05/2021 22:20

I’m London and the primary school postively encouraged/ordered children to come to school on their own from age 10, including taking local buses etc.

stayathomer · 04/05/2021 23:15

There's a lot of extremes here, I think people generally know how their children are: I have an 8 year old i know will be savvy when the time comes for them to go places etc, and a 13 year old who is questionable even now! By the way i looked up out of interest to see what age in Ireland they allow walking home/being alone etc. All i found was vague, but this stood out: Children under the age of 12 arerarelymature enough to cope in an emergency
I remember in the road safety authority website reading similar, that under 11/12 it's been shown that children don't know what to do if presented with an unusual road situation.

milkysmum · 04/05/2021 23:20

I have a 9 year old ( year 4) and 12 year old ( year 7).
Both go out to park, meet friends independently. 12 year old might get a bus to next town to meet friends there, or get a macdonalds/ go shopping ( when they are open ) etc..

stressfuljune · 04/05/2021 23:44

@dramaqueen80

In the park they play on equipment - swing, climbing frames + they make up stories/scenarios and do dances so plenty going on ... they take picnic food, they chat, they interact - from what I can tell. It's not the only thing she does - she does drama club, swimming, violin. She doesn't want to go ALL the time. Just occasionally. Partly I think she wants to make the most of her friends b4 she goes off to a different high school. Other activities might pop up - and we can invite kids over again soon and vice versa + hopefully shops/cinema etc open soon. I'm happy to facilitate the park meets and have - am just wondering if I need to be there. Have felt it is better to be but maybe it is time to step back. I have been sitting on a bench then sitting on grass then sitting in car outside the park so I am progressively moving out of the frame. We live round the corner down the street and round the corner away. Sounds like it is time to buy some data, get her a debit card and reclaim my life - woo bloody hoo! Thanks for responses!

Very much in line with my DD and all her friends. They've thrived on a bit of freedom

DumplingsAndStew · 05/05/2021 13:26

@stayathomer

There's a lot of extremes here, I think people generally know how their children are: I have an 8 year old i know will be savvy when the time comes for them to go places etc, and a 13 year old who is questionable even now! By the way i looked up out of interest to see what age in Ireland they allow walking home/being alone etc. All i found was vague, but this stood out: Children under the age of 12 arerarelymature enough to cope in an emergency I remember in the road safety authority website reading similar, that under 11/12 it's been shown that children don't know what to do if presented with an unusual road situation.

I'm 37 and struggle to keep it together in am emergency 😂😂

DumplingsAndStew · 05/05/2021 13:27

I can't believe it's seriously been suggested on this thread that it's safer to allow a preteen child to go on a lone horseride than it is to go to the park with their mates 😂😂

That's nothing to do with safety, and all to do with absolute snobbery.

Starlightstarbright1 · 05/05/2021 13:31

I think hanging around socialising is really important since the past year.

JustLyra · 05/05/2021 13:32

@stayathomer

There's a lot of extremes here, I think people generally know how their children are: I have an 8 year old i know will be savvy when the time comes for them to go places etc, and a 13 year old who is questionable even now! By the way i looked up out of interest to see what age in Ireland they allow walking home/being alone etc. All i found was vague, but this stood out: Children under the age of 12 arerarelymature enough to cope in an emergency I remember in the road safety authority website reading similar, that under 11/12 it's been shown that children don't know what to do if presented with an unusual road situation.

Knowing your child is the most important point. There’s no set age where it’s ok.

DD1 was babysitting in the daytime at 13 and late/overnight at 15. At 14 she was the quickest to react when a child was knocked down outside the church after the gala day and she was the one who told the child’s parent to call an ambulance while she dealt with the kid.

She and her twin are now 19 and DD2 being on her own for any length of time still worries me because she’s so absent minded, has no sense of time and can’t think more than one step ahead.

set ages don’t work because kids are different.

MusicMenu · 05/05/2021 13:35

Oh. My DC started going to a local park with friends in the last 2 years of junior school.

It's been weird this last year in that children of all ages have missed a stage of their growing up, but 11yo seems very old to be thinking about this for the first time to me.

laserfocus · 05/05/2021 13:49

Yeah not massively keen on my older dc hanging out in parks tbh. There are better ways they can use their time. I def judge the youths that hang around ours, some are young around 11/12 smoking and swearing, hoods up and looking bored shitless. Not so much social, as very anti social.

Not a fan.

ihavethehighground · 05/05/2021 13:59

I would not encourage it. Parks full of teenagers after school. Not great

DumplingsAndStew · 05/05/2021 14:12

@laserfocus

My 12 year old wears her hood up most of the time, because she's autistic and it helps her to shut out some external stimulii and feel more comfortable in herself.

Why is that a problem for you?

soditall56 · 05/05/2021 14:14

I was in town with friends at this age although I understand times have changed.

But if the town is small and the park isn't far it would do wonders for her independence

laserfocus · 05/05/2021 14:20

I think it was the random way they were telling elderly dog walkers to fuck off was more of an issue than the hoodies to be fair.

laserfocus · 05/05/2021 14:21

dumplings

MusicMenu · 05/05/2021 14:29

@ihavethehighground

I would not encourage it. Parks full of teenagers after school. Not great

Why on earth not? People spending time outdoors with friends, it's to be encouraged surely?

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 05/05/2021 14:32

@Mybigbed

Yes god forbid they actually see their friends.
Imagine the nonsense that will arise from a few 11-12 year olds having fun 🙄

Seeing their friends is great. Having fun is great. Unfortunately 30 years in law enforcement have shown me that often it can lead to boredom, juvenile nuisance and anti-social behaviour. That’s not so great.

laserfocus · 05/05/2021 15:10

Agree with jesus there are better ways to socialise than standing around in a park particularly once you are past the age of actually playing, it takes a whole new meaning to the word recreational

Do some parents on here seriously believe their (pre)teen kids are just doing handstands and discussing politics in park? I mean really? Or is it just easier than accepting that your kid may well be smoking pot and screaming at randoms. Is it deliberate naivety or genuine oblivion...

Surprised you are going with giving her money and leaving her to it op but as you say you are glad to get shot and have some freedom.

Sounds like it is time to buy some data, get her a debit card and reclaim my life - woo bloody hoo!

GintyMcGinty · 05/05/2021 15:17

Do some parents on here seriously believe their (pre)teen kids are just doing handstands and discussing politics in park? I

Mine does Pokémon hunts and makes tik toks with his pals.

I don't think he knows how to do a handstand but they do actually debate politics.

There's almost nothing else they are allowed to do at the moment. Only a few extra curricular things have restarted.

If they want to see their pals it's hang out in the park or go for a walk.

I'm delighted. It's better than being stuck inside on the Xbox.

( and yes I do believe - I can see the park from my house)

SoMuchForSummerLove · 05/05/2021 15:19

Mine has whole-class competitions with her pals to see who can stay on the basket swing the longest. She was very pleased to win last week

If you seriously think all pre-teens are going to the park to smoke drugs then you have a narrow and depressing view.

MusicMenu · 05/05/2021 15:38

I think when my teen DS goes to the park, he kicks a ball (or a tin can) and sits about chatting with friends. I don't for a minute think he annoys or abuses anyone, smokes, drinks or does drugs. Neither do the vast majority of young people in parks.

stressfuljune · 05/05/2021 15:42

@SoMuchForSummerLove

Mine has whole-class competitions with her pals to see who can stay on the basket swing the longest. She was very pleased to win last week

If you seriously think all pre-teens are going to the park to smoke drugs then you have a narrow and depressing view.

This

Changechangychange · 05/05/2021 15:47

If you have the kind of child who smokes and vandalises stuff aged 11, they’ll be doing that regardless of where they are hanging out.

Most teens in a park are playing football, or sitting chatting. Nothing antisocial.

midnightstar66 · 05/05/2021 16:55

It's actually quite depressing that people don't think 11 year olds still actually play. Either I'm surrounded by a really abnormal group (90 of them in DD's year) or the posters who think they are all drug taking sex maniacs are. I know which way I'm leaning. Sorry your dc are prone to that at such a tender age but I can guarantee mine and all her friends certainly aren't