Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

Yes my dc have ridden horses for alone with friends at 11, around the fields, I think you will find it is not unusual!!

@Mumbot345635

Ps my parents thought I was out playing with friends at 11/12/13 when I was actually trying smoking and alcohol. Like others I wish my parents had been more protective and caring and not given me as much independence! It didn’t give me any life skills - I learnt mostly from watching them. Just made me feel a bit unloved and uncared for.

My parents let me play out younger than 11. I didn’t smoke or drink at that age. Not all of us had dodgy friends like you. I’m so glad that my parents were young and not too over protective and gave me independence. It meant that I didn’t “act out” like the kids who were wrapped up in cotton wool. The teens who had super strict over protective parents ended up lying to their parents and rebelled.

@dramaqueen80

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

Yes, in this case I think you should let them.

I thought you were maybe worried about a park with a lot of assaults or something.

It's important for kids to undirected time and in a park is better than mucking about on social media inside, and it's also important for them to learn to get around on their own. Managing problems in these scenarios creates a lot of capacity and sense of agency when they meet with challenges later in life.

@Mumbot345635

Mightnight - you say Primary 1 and primary 2 which indicates you aren’t in England... it’s very different a rural primary school in Scotland to a London primary.

Gosh, you're right. All rural in Scotland.

Going for a hack is all well and good, but only if she had friends to do it with! If her mates are all at the park then at some point there's going to be a discussion to be had.

Op needs to find what her dd wants to do with her friends. It is a short conversation, this this and this is on offer, but I am not comfortable with the park dd and tell her why.
It is good that she learns to have her own boundaries in time, and you are expressing yours on her behalf for now. Helping dd to learn she doesn't have to go along with the pack like a mindless sheep, and she can choose other options is very empowering.

It might be worth finding out more about the friends she is hanging out with too. Meet the parents if possible, and come to some kind of agreement and arrangement together. It works well.

Or if she wants to go to the park to play with friends maybe she should be allowed to try that. Just a thought.

@Gabriellastella

Yes my dc have ridden horses for alone with friends at 11, around the fields, I think you will find it is not unusual!!

I'm starting to think you're on the wind up. For me, an 11 y o plus equally giggly friend on huge animals that could bolt at the drop off a hat is more risky than letting my 10 y o go to the park and certainly than cooking tea! But I'm guessing that's because I don't know the details of your life just as you don't know the details of mine, eh .

(I'll gloss over the fact we don't all have horses to hack in or fields to do it in...)

@Mumbot345635
You do know we don’t all live in quaint little villages?? Scotland has large cities with many many large towns 🙄

You choose what path your dd takes at eleven, that is all I am saying op!

Yes and parks are THE BAD PATH

I’m not sure what sort of parks you live near @Gabriellastella that are so dangerous but I’d much rather my dd went to the park than went shopping.
Plus shopping and out to lunch aren’t exactly straightforward right now.
And yes-hike round local area is grand. Local area includes park
I’ve ignored the horse riding comment because that’s just ridiculous.

DD started going to local park at 11 (this is in North London) - the sad thing is she only had one friend who was also allowed before secondary school. I honestly wouldn't worry about what 11 year olds are getting up to in the park, despite alarmism they're not generally interested in sex, booze and drugs just yet!

I think one always has to avoid thinking 'DC is too young!' and think instead 'What will DC need to be able to do in 12-18 months' time?' and start working towards that.

i think it's not just about what they are not interested in, but what others who are interested in those things may do, regarding them as prey.

I'd wait a bit personally. My mum after much nagging let me go to the park with a friend at 9, 3 older boys decided to pull down their pants and show us their willies. I was about 13 before I was allowed alone again.

@Gabriellastella you have got to be taking the piss surely?

There is such an overwhelming body of evidence that being outdoors is healthy for children and teens, and on the harms of doing all their socialising over phones rather than in person. I am positively delighted whenever my DCs arrange to meet friends in the park. I just don't understand why 7 year olds playing in the park is perceived as wholesome, but all of a sudden they reach secondary age and its now seen as thuggish

Another Scot here. It all depends on the child and the area.

Many children in my area walk to school from Primary 1 (age 5), especially if they have older siblings. School actively encourages walking, scooting or cycling from Primary 4 (age 8).

My kids couldn't due to distance and both got the bus to school from age 5. They walk home from the bus stop themselves.

On our estate most children are allowed out to play from about age 7. My two both were. Very little traffic. Family friendly park. The teenagers go elsewhere.

The police officers and social workers who live on our estate allow their children out to play and to walk to to school too.

My eldest is 12 and I now let him go into the town centre with his pals at the weekend. They go pokemon hunting and then buy themselves a sausage roll at Greggs - the height of sophistication. He also walks himself home from activities in the evenings like Scouts or swimming.

Its how childhood should be. I am sorry that some of you live in areas where its too rough to let your kids out. That's a real shame.

Nope my dc ride alone and with friends.

But it is not about me, it is about op.

So it's OK for your kids to be out on their own with their mates, doing a highly dangerous activity, but a sensible 8 year old crossing the road from school alone is a police worthy event? Make it make sense!

@Gabriellastella

Really shocked that city based children are walking home alone at eight years old in Scotland. It would not be allowed to happen in England.

It absolutely would. I've seen it in several schools I've worked in.

I've also worked in two schools who were told to wind their necks in my SS when they reported it as safeguarding when it absolutely wasn't an issue as the children walked a safe route to school and there was no problem with it.

It is up to a parent how a child gets to or from school. The school don't have any authority to override that. The blanket policies of many schools simply relies on parents not realising that it's an entirely unenforceable rule.

@Gabriellastella

But it is not about me, it is about op.

You would have thought...

AlmostSummer21

DumplingsAndStew

I don't think it's so much 'no children' rather 'no children that play out

No. There are no children. We were the youngest people in the road when we moved in and we were 30s/40s then dd was born.

Didn’t want a new build estate and for the money when we moved this place was the only property for sale. (Might have been more but without Rightmove we could only find this place

Or do you want a different kind of independence for her? Could she go for hacks alone with friends instead for freedom, could she go shopping on a Saturday morning or out for lunch by herself? Can she do a hike around the area you live rather than stand in the park? Is there another way to achieve the same thing that is safer and more suitable for her?

DD does go shopping with friends max and roller skating to the indoor rink, and swimming. She also goes to the park but she does not 'stand' it's odd you think that's what happens. Re the hacks, I'm afraid I'll still go with her for now. That's a different risk level altogether!