Not to let 11yr old go to local park on her own?

[dramaqueen80]

Just wondering at about what age would you let child go to park on own - to meet friends, hang out (we are in SW - small city)? Some of daughter's friends are allowed to go on own/with friends - and then they go to shops so walking around area. This is for a few hrs. I stay in park somewhere in sight - reading/working. Am not a big fan of kids hanging out in park (CV or no) - would prefer child engaged in more directed activities. She is end primary so will be off to secondary next year. Feels too soon to let them out in public on own - am I being ridiculous? When is ok (I'm feeling never )

@Mumbot345635

And isn’t it still the school day? Funny how your child was around to ask at 2.45!

It's not really funny, she's at home with Coronavirus...

Gosh . 80’s baby here, my big brother walked me to school when we were seven and five. We also had an hour at home before anyone got in from work sometimes. Was babysitting neighbours kids at 11 and played out till sunset from about 7/8 so long as we were in groups . And it was normal too as most local kids had the same rules ( leafy suburbs SE) My young adult daughter had a mobile phone so was even safer than me when she was allowed out with friends from about 10 to wander around till dinner time . I know there are risks , you manage those risks with good education and raising feisty children who can kick , throw punches and make a fuss when threatened kids streetwise enough to know the rules re stranger danger. My 5ft 2 size 10 girl is called ‘the bouncer ‘ at work because she’s the bravest one of the lot at telling dick head drunk customers to get to fuck. Perhaps I’m the exception and my views are dated, never had any real drama or issues though in 20 years of being a mum.

I'm really surprised about the differences between the age at which different schools let/encourage children to walk to school themselves, going by the responses on here. In our town (in England) they are strongly encouraged to walk themselves to school when they start middle school in Y5 and the vast majority do. They can walk themselves from the last term in Y4 with parental permission, to help them prepare for middle school, and again lots of them do.

The police take hits to respond here. The child would certainly be home or safely in school by the time they arrived.

And isn’t it still the school day? Funny how your child was around to ask at 2.45!

Dc are off here - inset day after the bank holiday 🙂

@SoMuchForSummerLove

You know, my Mum always used to say 'set high expectations for your kids, and watch them rise to meet them' and I think that's a good way to think about giving your kids room to grow and flourish as themselves, outside of the family unit.

I don't think refusing to let your kids step foot into - gasp! - a park is necessarily a signifier of great parenting (shitty dangerous parks notwithstanding of course).

100% agree. I grew up in another European country, moved to the UK, and now live in another European country, and both then and now the average child in the UK seems to have far fewer freedoms than in the other countries I lived in. I live in a fairly typical suburb now: a bigger road that cuts through the middle and lots of smaller 20mph roads coming off it. I live along the main road and see primary aged kids walking and cycling to school alone every day. They also play unsupervised in the park/forest that's a couple of minutes away. In fact, one primary school that borders the park even lets the older (9-11) kids go outside the playground and play in the park unsupervised during break times. I appreciate there's not just one way to parent, but I do think it's sad that so many kids are given so few freedoms to develop their own independence.

Year 5 and 6 seem to walk to school with friends not parents in our village/estate in NW England. I’m next house to the park and probably age 7/8 ish upwards play without parents and walk to and from it. I wouldn’t think twice seeing a child that sort of age on their own.

I wouldn't but only because we keep getting attempted abductions on kids at the moment where I live and one was sadly raped. I just couldn't.

I thought that too mum maybe they also finish at midday where so much lives, as well as walking themselves to school and making a five course dinner every night at seven.

I already said she's at home because she has coronavirus @Gabriellastella

DH and I have worked from home for years so there's always someone in when they leave and when they return.

Anything else you want to be sarcastic about while you've got me? Or are we done with criticising a stranger you know absolutely fuck all about. Just checking.

Calling the police is a sensible thing to do if you see a young child alone, you must never ever approach them and check they are okay!

What a deeply, deeply sad statement.

The society that you are advocating for is one that I abhor. The idea that adults must ignore children, even if they think they are in trouble, but instead leave that to the authorities to deal with, is one where I would strongly argue that there has been a complete and utter breakdown in society and community.

I have always approached children who appeared lost and distressed and stayed with the until I could reunite them with their parent and damn right that is the decent thing to do.

I would totally approach a child who appeared lost!

I wouldn't think anything of a ten year old just being outside alone though. 5/6 I'd be worried. 7 I'd keep an eye to check a parent was near.

Ten, no.

"Calling the police is a sensible thing to do if you see a young child alone, you must never ever approach them and check they are okay!"

Yeah, that's total bullshit right there. Of course an adult can and should approach a child if they are concerned for their welfare.

Calling the police is a sensible thing to do if you see a young child alone, you must never ever approach them and check they are okay!
Understandable for a man or male teenager as a woman I'd always approach them at a safe distance with a gentle manner to check they're okay and see do they know their parents phone number.
I hope someone kind would do the same if my DC got lost.

Really shocked that city based children are walking home alone at eight years old in Scotland. It would not be allowed to happen in England

You might want to sit down. Mine was 7 when he started walking to school with friends and playing out unsupervised. Now 13, still alive! Also in Scotland and very normal round here.

It definitely depends on the area there are many teenager gangs around here up to know good who find it funny intimidating or pushing innocent passing strangers.

*no

Oh christ @Toty be prepared to be shamed as a neglectful parent who also forces their kids to make the tea.

(DD made noodles for everyone for lunch...I'm sending her to sweep the chimneys before I finish work for the day.)

Yes you are being ridiculous. Let her go, this is the first step to more independence. She's off to secondary soon.

I think the wealth of difference in approaches on this thread as well as the govt advice being rather vague show that there's no right answer on this one. It's all so dependent on individual child, area and family culture isn't it. My own feeling is that if a child is keen for independence it's important to start giving them some as you see appropriate.

Oh christ***@Toty be prepared to be shamed as a neglectful parent who also forces their kids to make the tea.*

I actually do 😂. Well only once a week, and the dishes, bins, hoovering etc. No way am I raising a lazy ass mummy's boy. You live in my house you do your bit. Some woman will thank me one day.

Same - lockdown was a brilliant chance for them to learn plenty of skills; cooking, baking, etc.

My 11 year old Y6s go to the park on their own, meet friends. My DS did from Y6 too. She will soon be going to secondary school so will need to start building some independence

@Mumbot345635
I made no mention of 7/9 year olds, your comments are ridiculous.
@Gabriellastella
No where in all of England does a child under 10 go out alone without the police being called? utter bollocks.
Plenty of kids make their own way to school and it doesn’t mean they’re unloved, they could live 5 mins away, parents leave for work same time, they are dropped a few streets away, any number of reasons.
I’ve raised 4DC in Scotland and outwith P1/2 there is no ‘rules’ on how a child travels to school, you’re coming across as completely irrational to the extent you are making up whatever suits your narrative.

Op coming back to you.

I think you are being very sensible by allowing her to meet her friends in the park with you sitting discreetly away, for how much longer will she tolerate that for though?

So for me the question would be do I want this for my dd?

Am I happy for her to go the park alone or with friends, for longer periods particularly as she gets older. What concerns do I have, and are they likely to happen in this park? What happens later in the evenings? As no doubt once she is used to going there she will continue into her teens.

Or do you want a different kind of independence for her? Could she go for hacks alone with friends instead for freedom, could she go shopping on a Saturday morning or out for lunch by herself? Can she do a hike around the area you live rather than stand in the park? Is there another way to achieve the same thing that is safer and more suitable for her?

You are at a crossroads, once you have decided it will be very hard to change your mind and stop the park visits later on.
She will almost certainly meet an established group of friends there, and your opportunity to help shape her decisions diminish.
It is your decision, and yours alone as she is only eleven years old and relies on you to keep her safe, she is too young to know the full consequences at this age (or she should be)
How comfortable do you feel about this now, in two years and five years time? Look further ahead to when she is fourteen and fifteen and will be coming home much later, be sure you are making the right decision for her, and for you. The decision is yours to make. It does not really matter what we think on MN. She is your child, and your responsibility.

hacks alone with friends as in... horse riding? Alone? At 11?