Inviting guests to DH birthday and asking them to pay

[KQuest]

My DH is coming up to a special birthday. He has asked me to plan something as a surprise. I have some ideas for activities, but the cost is roughly £35 per person. Is it OK to invite people and tell them they have to pay for themselves or should I pay for everyone?
I want to invite 10 people.

[Scarriff]

I would be upfront about it. We had an unpleasant experience with a friend of DD who was always invited to a birthday treat, theatre or similar. I paid. Parents never offered. Then I discovered they also did birthday treats, trips to France for family. No extra guests. I felt a bit used

[purplebunny2012]

I was invited to a 60th weekend away for an 80s event. Of course we all paid for ourselves, completely up to us if we went

[GraceQuirrel]

If someone invites me to a party then I wouldn't expect to pay. If you can't afford to hold the party you want then don't have it.

[Teachertired92]

Depends what it is?

[wildchild554]

As it's for an adult event I'd say its fine as long as you mak
e it clear. When we did this for my dad everyone paid for their own meal.

[Frazzledstar1]

Depends what the activity is. In my group of friends it wouldn’t be unreasonable to say “we are planning to do X for DPs birthday, it’s costs this much, let me know who fancies it”. But that would be for more of a group activity type thing, eg flight club, top golf, etc etc. If it was a party at a venue I probably wouldn’t ask.

[inspiration101]

You should pay for your invited guests in my opinion.

[bishbashbosh99]

I'm having a party with a DJ in a club exclusively hired and apart from a welcome cocktail guests will be expected to pay for a cash bar. I'm surprised at all the "you invite you pay" chat. How bizarre

[Mummyyyyyyyyyy]

In my group of friends we always pay our own way if it's for a meal, drinks or activity. The only thing we wouldn't contribute to financially is a party in our homes. We've celebrated birthdays, weddings, divorces & engagements over the last 20+ years.

We wouldn't have been able to do half as much if the bill had to be paid by the organiser each time.

[cherish123]

Not sure. Depends on your budget. Also depends on if the activity is in your house or something like rafting. You can't ask them to pay for something in your house. If there are only 10 people, I'd pay.

[AliceMcK]

My DHs last big birthday he point blank refused a party, just wanted a family meal, with everyone, that totalled 20 adults and 8 kids, plus the restaurant was in the middle of nowhere so everyone had to travel, including us. There was no way we could pay for everyone and I felt awkward when it came to everyone paying. I’d have much rather we had a party, there where 2 easy venues less than 3 mins walk from our house, perfect size, it didn’t have to be big, I’d have happily paid for a DJ & Buffett then people could mingle and pay for drinks as the night went on. Would have been so much bloody easier.

[CrankyFrankie]

Absolutely totally fine (bold, underline etc) to expect people to sub their own activity! As long as it’s clear from the outset. Parties etc obv a different story but I would 100% expect to pay for myself for eg Go Ape! or equivalent daytime activity. Hope you go ahead!

[Youneverknowwhatyourgonnaget]

If I was doing a surprise meal for my Dh and Inviting friends I would except people to pay for themselves if I was throwing a party with a buffet DJ etc then I would pay. Activity I would ask ‘do you fancy doing such n such for dh’s bday and give details and price but no problems if you can’t make it...then they will go if they can and want to

[1Morewineplease]

Does it have to be in a restaurant?
Maybe spend a few pounds on lighting and bunting and ask people to bring a dish of something.
This would be inclusive to everyone.

If you book a restaurant and ask people to pay, say £35 per person then a family of four will have to fork out £140.
That is a huge amount of money to many people.

[threatmatrix]

I always say we are going for a meal if anyone wants to come, I usually sneakily pay for either all the food or the drinks and then they split the rest. They don’t expect me to do that and are more than happy to pay, otherwise they aren’t that good a friend.

[pollymere]

I wouldn't invite people to a celebration and not pay for them. If you word it that they are invited to join you at a cost of £35 per person, they can decide for themselves.

[Ginseng1]

It's the way you put it. Am to going to x y z for dh bday anyone care to join it's £35 a head. Maybe you could produce cake m some goodies n drinks after activity?? I always paid for own meals at me & friends 40ths but it would prob be like 8/10 of us.i did a party in a pub for DH 40th, I paid for finger food & cake. Every one did own drinks. Tho me n dh bought a round or two for those who traveled. love a good party all my friends now coming up on 50 n can't wait for a few celebrations when we can!!

[Margerine78]

I think if it's an activity based thing then it's okay for people to pay, as long as you forewarn them. If I had a birthday gathering in a pub my friends wouldn't be expecting me to buy their drinks all night. Surely it's the same?

[waitingpatientlyforspring]

In our groups we each pay for adults. If it was a childs party then you pay but its for adults we pay ourselves.

For a friends 40th they did a dales and ales tour and we all paid a share of the bus. For another friends birthday we did a cocktail making class and each paid our ticket.

I've never been to one of these infamous parties where the hosts pay for everything.

[Margerine78]

@waitingpatientlyforspring

In our groups we each pay for adults. If it was a childs party then you pay but its for adults we pay ourselves.

For a friends 40th they did a dales and ales tour and we all paid a share of the bus. For another friends birthday we did a cocktail making class and each paid our ticket.

I've never been to one of these infamous parties where the hosts pay for everything.

I think this is one of these MN threads that divides the working class from the middle class, I'm the former and couldn't afford to pay for everyone and wouldn't expect my friends to cover my costs either.

That said if I won the lottery, I'd love to be able to treat them all (so this isn't a dig at those able to).

[Toomuchtrouble4me]

I’d pay for them. 100% It’s only £350 for a special birthday, kids parties cost more than that. Pay.

[Seriously1996]

I think if you make it clear from the start with regards payment then the individual can chose to take part or not

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Toomuchtrouble4me

I’d pay for them. 100% It’s only £350 for a special birthday, kids parties cost more than that. Pay.

Such an ignorant comment.

It's ONLY £350 if you have far more free cash than that

Kids parties only cost more than that if you have far more cash than that.

Not everyone on Mumsnet can just spend hundreds on a whim.

[EmmaGrundyForPM]

The OP has already said her DH has a lot of money and has paid this sort of amount for parties in the past. The real question is, why does her DH have more money than her.

[SandyY2K]

22:33KQuest

He has asked me to plan something as a surprise.

He's not just asking you to plan it, he's asking you to pay for it. A bit cheeky really.

I personally think it's wrong to ask your DP/DH/DW to plan a celebration for you at their expense.

Then you'll buy him a gift on top of this too.

I planned and organised a milestone party for my DH at his request, but he paid for the bulk of it.