My DH is coming up to a special birthday. He has asked me to plan something as a surprise. I have some ideas for activities, but the cost is roughly £35 per person. Is it OK to invite people and tell them they have to pay for themselves or should I pay for everyone?
I want to invite 10 people.
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AIBU?
Inviting guests to DH birthday and asking them to pay
418 replies
KQuest · 03/05/2021 22:33
OP posts:
Lweji ·
04/05/2021 20:03
Then they shouldn't expect to enjoy certain experiences. Why should poor people get to enjoy a night fancy restaurant with friends just because they work as hard as someone richer but for less money. No, keep those kind of poor people in Macdonald's please or at home with plain ham sandwiches. They can have poor people fun.
But poor people can´t pay for an expensive dinner for themselves, can they? So they won't be able to enjoy those experiences regardless.
They will be able to enjoy it if the richer host pays for it, though.
I think you have it in reverse.
If I am on benefits and my friend on a 6 figure salary wants their birthday in an expensive restaurant, should I have to pay, say, £50-100 to attend their birthday? Should I not be able to enjoy that experience because I can't afford it? Or should my friend pay so that all their friends can attend? Worse if I have more than one such friend.
What's wrong with then me forking out for a McDonalds (or some home food) for all my friends for the £50-100 that would cost me to attend each of their birthdays?
Or would the richer friends reject my poorer offering, as not worthy enough of them?
These are somewhat extreme examples, of course, but it still stands that if all go to fancier restaurants, the poorer person may think they are able to afford it better in small chunks, but is still spending a lot that they can't effectively afford, or that they would be able to throw at their own birthday if they put the same money aside regularly. Except that if they did the calculations they would think it was too much and they wouldn't be able to afford it.
This reminds me of people who think it is a good idea to put a non-urgent expense on their credit card because the smaller payments make it manageable and they can afford it that way. 
sunsetsand ·
04/05/2021 20:18
Are you talking to me @Holly60 or just about me? You've tagged me but then referred to me as if you're talking to someone else.
My "ideas" aren't "rigid" but it's perfectly acceptable to say "no I don't fancy that" and for me to prefer that to "no I don't fancy that so let me fix it by adding in coffee/lunch/beach".
Not sure why you're repeating the exact same things you said earlier, no, I agree (for the second time) that we are very unlikely to be friends. And that's got nothing to do with changing group dynamics and everything to do with thinly veiled glee that some random on the internet has agreed with your view of things. Odd. 
Holly60 ·
04/05/2021 20:31
@sunsetsand
Are you talking to me *@Holly60* or just about me? You've tagged me but then referred to me as if you're talking to someone else.
My "ideas" aren't "rigid" but it's perfectly acceptable to say "no I don't fancy that" and for me to prefer that to "no I don't fancy that so let me fix it by adding in coffee/lunch/beach".
Not sure why you're repeating the exact same things you said earlier, no, I agree (for the second time) that we are very unlikely to be friends. And that's got nothing to do with changing group dynamics and everything to do with thinly veiled glee that some random on the internet has agreed with your view of things. Odd.
My "ideas" aren't "rigid" but it's perfectly acceptable to say "no I don't fancy that" and for me to prefer that to "no I don't fancy that so let me fix it by adding in coffee/lunch/beach".
Not sure why you're repeating the exact same things you said earlier, no, I agree (for the second time) that we are very unlikely to be friends. And that's got nothing to do with changing group dynamics and everything to do with thinly veiled glee that some random on the internet has agreed with your view of things. Odd.
Of course it’s ‘acceptable’ to say you don’t fancy doing something. It’s just that in my friendship group we tend to manage to go along to most things and enjoy each other’s company, even if that means that some people don’t join in with all the activities. I’m just not sure what constitutes ‘changing the activity’ for you. To give another example then, if I organised to go for cocktails but one friend said ‘I’d love to come but I’m not drinking’ would that mean that they shouldn’t come along because they are not doing the activity exactly as I originally envisioned it? Or what about if I organised dinner and drinks but another friend said ‘ooh I’d love to come for drinks but I can’t do dinner’, should I reply and say ‘oh no you can only come if you come to dinner too as that’s the activity I’ve planned’. I am genuinely struggling to believe that you would really do this to your friends
Holly60 ·
04/05/2021 20:47
[quote sunsetsand]@Holly60 you're being deliberately obtuse. The last examples of cocktails vs mocktails you've given are completely different to your previous "work arounds" and you know it.
I've just asked DP if he'd want me to turn up with bacon butties on his next camping trip. He said "what? Half the fun is in the campfire cooking". Exactly. As for throwing in a random beach trip....I wouldn't do that to my friends either, no. Struggling to believe you would tbh.
[/quote]
Shall we just agree to disagree? It’s getting a bit boring isn’t it? 
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