DH said DS is becoming a spoiled brat.

[NOTabrat]

DH has tonight said our three year old is turning into a spoiled brat. Apparently, it's my fault because I let him get his own way. He even went as far as to say if we don't rein it in now he'll end up being the bully at school who gets expelled, smokes and takes drugs. AIBU to think it's bloody ridiculous to talk about a three year old like this?

@LittleBookOfKalms

Why are most people being so horrible to the op here, but failing to criticise the DH who shouts at a not quite three year old

Also astonished at people saying her DS shouldn't be allowed in the kitchen or take food. My twins are a similar age and help themselves from the fruit bowl etc. all the time. It's their house too, why should they have to ask before they eat an apple?

I agree with you.

Apparently young children are suppose to have their own snack cupboard that they can access.

Screaming leaving the park - again I wouldn't want to encourage this.

Who would?

Two and three year olds sometimes scream when they don't get what they want. They are learning to manage the overwhelming emotions that the situation has triggered. You can't stop it. What you can do is not give in to it so that they don't see it as a tool to use against their parent and use it in the future.

And by free will and freedom, what i mean is, for example, DH won't let DS into the kitchen because if he goes into the kitchen it means DH has to go our there too and supervise. I'm happy for DS to go into the kitchen when he wants too. I don't want rooms in our home to be forbidden to him and I don't mind going out there with him to supervise. I don't mind him looking through the cupboards but DH doesn't like it.

I agree with your DH on this. Kitchens can be dangerous for toddlers and he shouldn't go there unsupervised.

The only reason he goes in the kitchen is to get something and you need to know what he's going for, so as kitchens and bathrooms are areas where accidents can happen, I would not want a toddler going there without my knowledge, from a safety perspective.

Otherwise on the kitchen your DS will eat lots of chocolate buttons and help himself to stuff from the fridge isn't safe at his age. He could pull something heavy and hurt himself.

I wouldn't say he'll become a bully, but he is spoiled by you and giving in when he cries will just teach him that crying works. It can lead to bratty behaviour and needs to be nipped in the bud.

If he does something wrong, once it's dealt with and he understands what he did and apologises, then it's fine to hug him. Nothing wrong with that.

So your partner shouts at him, your son gets upset then you cuddle him.
You let your little boy trawl through cupboards ( I wouldn't have) and your partner doesn't like it.

Your toddler shouts at a 15 year old and tells him that they can't be there?!

It does sound like you and your partner need to set clear boundaries together and to be consistent.
Your partner is being seen as the bad cop whereas you are the cuddlesome good cop.