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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this man was rude?

260 replies

Lucidas · 03/05/2021 11:46

I was at a waste and recycling plant. It wasn’t too busy to get in - a queue of just under 5 minutes. I finished getting rid of my stuff, sat in the car and brought up directions on my phone to my next destination. I was on my phone for less than a minute.

I hear banging on my window and roll down it ever so slightly. It’s a guy, late 60s, looking very angry:

Him: Can you MOVE? Now?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: There’s a queue of people waiting out there.
Me: I’m just bringing up directions on my phone.
Him: What?
Me: repeat myself
Him: Well do it OUT THERE gestures randomly towards direction of the main road
Me: I’m sorry...

He walks off, gets into the car next to me, and is driven away. He didn’t even work there, which I’d initially assumed for some reason.

Was I in the wrong? Should I really
have driven out onto a road for no safe place to stop for quite a while, without setting my satnav?

AIBU to think my appearance may have made me a target for someone’s self-righteous indignation? (Muslim woman wearing a hijab)

If it was someone working there, fine...but what’s it to him??

OP posts:
TheGumption · 03/05/2021 15:49

Here come the aggressive minorities on mumsnet who assume all previous comments are from white people and demand other people of colour feel exactly the same way they do about race issues 🙄

Daphnise · 03/05/2021 15:50

You were being slow, and selfish fiddling around with your phone while there was a queue, and he was right to tell you.

You sound a bit of a "Karen"- rather entitled, and dismissive of inconvenience you cause to others.

3JsMa · 03/05/2021 15:51

@LaBellina

Another shiny example of male entitlement. He wasn’t unreasonable to ask you to move but the way he did it just screams male entitlement. If this ever happens again tell them to fuck off because their agressive attitude can not hide that they’re very likely behaving this way as a compensation for the lack of having something else (whilst smiling and waving your little finger).
Blocking the queue and looking at the phone is equally entitled behaviour. If that would be reverse(man blocking everyone,women knocking on the window).what would you call it then? If that will happen to me(rather impossible as I always think first about inconvenience I can cause to others),I would apologies profusely and swiftly move somewhere else. Blocking everyone and responding ''F* Off'' is just peak of really bad manners.
Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 03/05/2021 16:09

You were inconsiderate and he was curt. Don’t blame him really. Tips are very busy fast moving places. It’s not the place to be in your own little world on your phone. Your headwear is totally irrelevant.

Loopylobes · 03/05/2021 16:11

Blocking everyone and responding ''F Off'' is just peak of really bad manners.*

It's good that the OP didn't do that then.

LadyLolaRuben · 03/05/2021 16:12

It wasn't very considerate holding everyone up whilst you got organised - that can be done elsewhere. His manner was rude though.

ilovesooty · 03/05/2021 16:13

@Loopylobes

Blocking everyone and responding ''F Off'' is just peak of really bad manners.*

It's good that the OP didn't do that then.

No, she didn't, but it was suggested that she should.
OrchidLass · 03/05/2021 16:16

@TheGumption I agree, it pisses me off that anyone would presume they can speak for me or know how I feel.

Purpleweeks · 03/05/2021 16:29

The way he reacted was rude but you shouldn't have been seeing your phone at that point. You can set sat navs to direct you to more than one place but also I would have a tough idea of where I was going to at least be able to get to somewhere safe to stop. Also sat navs are a fairly new thing so it is actually possible to get around without them.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2021 16:31

I think thr thing is op if you weren’t doing something inconsiderate you’d not have been called out. If you hadn’t been doing something inconsiderate and then he had a go it would be different, but he didn’t. He had a go becayse you were sitting holding the queue up, people were waiting whilst you were on your phone. And I don’t believe for one moment it was less than a minute, he’d not have seen you weren’t moving, made his way over snd took the discussion in that time frame. So you were clearly holding the queue up and people were sitting waiting.

Yes he was very rude in how he did it, but ultimately if you’d been more considerate the whole thing would not have occured, as you’d have left like everyone else.

Mumteedum · 03/05/2021 16:41

What's wrong with everyone?! FFS the op spent a minute putting in directions. She couldn't do it elsewhere. You're all flipping bonkers for insisting everyone has to be a total model of efficiency. She wasn't faffing around for fun. She was popping her postcode in the satnav. Can't we all have a tiny bit of empathy and understanding?

The man perhaps was sexist or racist as I very much doubt he'd talk to man that way but what he certainly was, was a sodding busybody!

I despair. Honestly.

RickJames · 03/05/2021 16:42

Sort your directions out in the queue next time! I do think he was a bit rude though. I had an elderly man tell me off for putting brown sticks and leaves in the compost tip. Funnily enough he didnt try to tell off the burly guys who were throwing in whole trees and logs Grin I just smiled at him. Retired men can get funny at tips - it's a big outing for them and they get excited.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2021 16:42

@Mumteedum

What's wrong with everyone?! FFS the op spent a minute putting in directions. She couldn't do it elsewhere. You're all flipping bonkers for insisting everyone has to be a total model of efficiency. She wasn't faffing around for fun. She was popping her postcode in the satnav. Can't we all have a tiny bit of empathy and understanding?

The man perhaps was sexist or racist as I very much doubt he'd talk to man that way but what he certainly was, was a sodding busybody!

I despair. Honestly.

Do you genuinely believe it was less than sixty seconds? And that it’s plausible the man saw she wasn’t moving, made his way to her to tell her to move, in that time frame?

Genuinely you believe that’s plausible?

Lunaballoon · 03/05/2021 16:46

People fiddling with their phones apparently oblivious to people queueing up behind them, whether at the tip, middle of the pavement or wherever is one of my pet peeves. So YABVU!

StoneofDestiny · 03/05/2021 16:47

You were inconsiderate assuming other people's time was yours to use up! Pull up elsewhere and sort out your sat at.
Every tip has spaces to pull up - the area has to be wide enough for hug skip loaders to get in and out. You shouldn't assume people have to wait on you - that's why tempers get frayed.

Mumteedum · 03/05/2021 16:48

@Bluntness100 I think it could have been..I dunno maybe 3 or 4 mins, yes. The horror. Clearly the OP deserved a good dressing down. The man's a hero to all the poor people in the queue. Those extra 2 mins were absolutely vital to everyone's day I'm sure. Hmm

AbsolutelyPatsy · 03/05/2021 16:51

we dont know the timescale but sadly so many of you think he was in the right, or at the very least the op was wrong , regardless

Rillington · 03/05/2021 16:53

Faffing with your phone/sat nav and holding people up is on a par with getting to the checkout without your purse ready or stopping at the top of the escalator. It's so annoying.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/05/2021 16:55

Can't we all have a tiny bit of empathy and understanding?

Why isn't the empathy and understanding demanded towards people actually being inconvenienced? If everyone stays and faffs, no one will move anywhere

Theluggage15 · 03/05/2021 16:58

I doubt very much it was a minute. Dumps are busy on bank holidays. Get rid of your stuff and get out of the way. You were the one being rude.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/05/2021 16:59

@Theluggage15

I doubt very much it was a minute. Dumps are busy on bank holidays. Get rid of your stuff and get out of the way. You were the one being rude.
We went on a weekday and omg. They actually shut road one way because that's how big the queue was. On weekday morning. Wouldn't go anywhere near ours on a weekend👀
accentdusoleil · 03/05/2021 17:00

Were you fasting while this happened ?

If you wear the hijab, you will understand the need for Patience and forgiveness during this month of Ramadan.

OrchidLass · 03/05/2021 17:02

[quote Mumteedum]@Bluntness100 I think it could have been..I dunno maybe 3 or 4 mins, yes. The horror. Clearly the OP deserved a good dressing down. The man's a hero to all the poor people in the queue. Those extra 2 mins were absolutely vital to everyone's day I'm sure. Hmm[/quote]
Oh the irony of this post when you were the one harping on about empathy and understanding. Not for everyone though eh? The man was rude but, if we're advocating empathy and understanding, which of course we all should be, perhaps he was having a terrible day or feeling unwell/worried about a loved one. Who knows. Let's show some understanding ... oh hang on ...

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 03/05/2021 17:03

So it's ok for him to take the time to come over to the ops car to give her a bollocking rather than just getting in his car straight away and moving on, yet the op shouldn't be spending time on her sat nav . Mn is fucking weird at times

toocold54 · 03/05/2021 17:04

Ffs
Sat in your car, which by your own admission was for quite a while. You were in the wrong.

OP said she was less than a minute. If she was using her maps it would definitely take less than a minute to click maps and type in the postcode so I can’t see how that is quite a while.

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