Page 7 | To think this man was rude?

SixesAndEights · 03/05/2021 14:51

I would have done the same. All the people sitting in a queue and the person in front has finished but is sitting in their car faffing about whilst everyone waits is just hugely inconsiderate.

As for the male/female aspect, I was waiting for the air at a petrol station once and the man in front did his tyres then got into his car. I waited....and waited....and waited. Then I got out, knocked on his window and asked him if he was going to move because there was a queue. I was quite abrupt.

He also was sorting out his satnav! I told him he could do it somewhere else and let people get to the machine.

You and he needed to get out of the way of people waiting and do your satnavving somewhere else.

funinthesun19 · 03/05/2021 14:51

People here are unbelievable. How do you manage in the real world with minor inconveniences. Ffs

Some people thrive off being able to have a go at others over complete non events. A couple of months ago I saw a person get shouted at in Asda for getting in someone’s way.
Instead of the angry person saying, “excuse me.”, he said rather loudly, “Come on, get out of the way!” How embarrassing for his wife walking around with someone like that.

Loopylobes · 03/05/2021 14:53

It’s not ok to rap on strangers windows and get cross with them unless you are actually being paid to police the queue. At worst your behaviour was mildly irritating. His was dreadful.

This ^

It's also entirely possible that he felt braver because you are female and that he is racist so was spurred on by your hijab. There are plenty of them around.

Whatever his reasons, it was not OK for him to behave like that, especially as, by doing so, he was also holding other people up. Anyone sensible would have either assumed you were setting a sat nav or just decided you were checking your phone quietly cursed you as they drove round.

Nothing you did justifies how he behaved.

LaBellina · 03/05/2021 14:53

@LordEmsworth

Well, I am so glad we've realised that there is definitely no such thing as sexism, racism, Islamophobia or bullying. That's a big weight off my mind. Thanks to everyone who's pointed out that these cannot have been a factor here because they don't exist.

It's good to know that wherever I go and whatever I do, a white man will pop up and tell me off for looking after myself and not prioritising other people instead. He was an extremely generous, selfless and brave person to be watching out for the people in the queue behind, and to be willing to get involved by sticking his beak in and shouting at someone he deems to be acting inappropriately. How can we arrange to get him the OBE he so clearly deserves?

Well said. I can’t believe that women are actually defending this man giving the amount of sexism we women have to deal with. Or maybe some of the posters here are men who are indirectly defending their own misogyny by firmly trying to deny that this surely absolutely ISN’T an incident that has to do with sexism. Even though they weren’t there either and their guess is as good as any other poster with a different opinion.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 03/05/2021 14:57

People here are unbelievable. How do you manage in the real world with minor inconveniences. Ffs

Some of us learned that letting people inconvenience us all the time, just because it's minor actually creates quite an annoying life when you are just always inconvenienced. It's never just 1 thing. 2 minutes there because of someone faffing, another 3 minutes there. This and that. It adds up.

If everyone spent few minutes extra in that tip putting their satnav on or whatever, half the people towards the evening wouldn't get in.

It is easier to just stop inconveniencing people around. That goes for anyone. Whether it's a tip, or petrol station or a shop.

badacorn · 03/05/2021 14:57

YANBU

If you were some big ugly muscled fucker he would have kept his gob shut. People are horrible when it comes to driving, you wasted about 25 seconds of his time and he was rude to your face, don’t lose any sleep over it op.

ilovesooty · 03/05/2021 15:10

@LaBellina

Another shiny example of male entitlement. He wasn’t unreasonable to ask you to move but the way he did it just screams male entitlement. If this ever happens again tell them to fuck off because their agressive attitude can not hide that they’re very likely behaving this way as a compensation for the lack of having something else (whilst smiling and waving your little finger).

FFS.

Gingerwhinger1 · 03/05/2021 15:12

Well said. I can’t believe that women are actually defending this man giving the amount of sexism we women have to deal with. Or maybe some of the posters here are men who are indirectly defending their own misogyny by firmly trying to deny that this surely absolutely ISN’T an incident that has to do with sexism. Even though they weren’t there either and their guess is as good as any other poster with a different opinion.

The ops behaviour was thoughtless, how is it helpful to suggest its obviously due to her sex or religion when none of us know this man's motives.

Gingerwhinger1 · 03/05/2021 15:13

@badacorn

YANBU

If you were some big ugly muscled fucker he would have kept his gob shut. People are horrible when it comes to driving, you wasted about 25 seconds of his time and he was rude to your face, don’t lose any sleep over it op.

The times getting less and less, it was less than a minute and now its less than 25 seconds. This late 60's aged man is certainly sprightly is he can clock the ops on her phone, get wound up, out of his car and over to her to give her a piece of his mind in 25 seconds. The man also might have been counting on his age in that scenario, to ensure big burly bloke didn't crack him one.

JediGnot · 03/05/2021 15:18

@Lucidas

I was at a waste and recycling plant. It wasn’t too busy to get in - a queue of just under 5 minutes. I finished getting rid of my stuff, sat in the car and brought up directions on my phone to my next destination. I was on my phone for less than a minute.

I hear banging on my window and roll down it ever so slightly. It’s a guy, late 60s, looking very angry:

Him: Can you MOVE? Now?
Me: Excuse me?
Him: There’s a queue of people waiting out there.
Me: I’m just bringing up directions on my phone.
Him: What?
Me: repeat myself
Him: Well do it OUT THERE gestures randomly towards direction of the main road
Me: I’m sorry...

He walks off, gets into the car next to me, and is driven away. He didn’t even work there, which I’d initially assumed for some reason.

Was I in the wrong? Should I really
have driven out onto a road for no safe place to stop for quite a while, without setting my satnav?

AIBU to think my appearance may have made me a target for someone’s self-righteous indignation? (Muslim woman wearing a hijab)

If it was someone working there, fine...but what’s it to him??

He was rude... but you were a bit inconsiderate, you could have easily driven out, pulled over somewhere (maybe even before you left the tip, but near the exit not where people park to empty their cars), surely, and checked the directions without holding loads of people up?

Don't beat yourself up over it, no-one's perfect, not you, not this rude bloke and certainly not me.

Bluedeblue · 03/05/2021 15:20

This makes me think of people at Petrol stations, who don't move off as soon as they're done. I've seen people (whilst still at the pump), start to give toddlers snacks, or read texts on their phone, or start to look up directions.....HURRY UP....move on and do that somewhere else!

Everyone else would have been irritated by you, it's only (ime) older people who will speak up and say what they're thinking, because they stop giving a shit what people think (and I don't blame them).

Please don't blame anything on your dress or religion, that's just a get out of jail free card when anything doesn't go your way.

Mydogmylife · 03/05/2021 15:22

You were inconsiderate , he was rude. However your responses to posters aren't great either

Somerford · 03/05/2021 15:23

I don't care about your sex, race or religion. I'd have been pissed off with you too. Ridiculous expecting everyone else to sit and wait while you faff about, just get out of the way.

AnneElliott · 03/05/2021 15:26

I think he was rude and yes he wouldn't have behaved that way to a burly bloke.

Plus if he was next to you then surely he was wasting time telling you off rather than driving off quickly and letting one of the waiting cars have his space?

JediGnot · 03/05/2021 15:27

@Gingerwhinger1

Well said. I can’t believe that women are actually defending this man giving the amount of sexism we women have to deal with. Or maybe some of the posters here are men who are indirectly defending their own misogyny by firmly trying to deny that this surely absolutely ISN’T an incident that has to do with sexism. Even though they weren’t there either and their guess is as good as any other poster with a different opinion.

The ops behaviour was thoughtless, how is it helpful to suggest its obviously due to her sex or religion when none of us know this man's motives.

As a man I often find myself questioning myself. I am the sort of person who "says something" in situations like this. I definitely do it to men and women. I think I'm fairly "fair" in my criticisms (ie my decision to open my mouth is pretty much 100% about the action not the person), but sometimes I do wonder if I bite my lip a bit more often when it's a man who is more likely to choose to punch me in response (though off the top of my head the only time I have done such a thing and been physically attacked it was by a woman who threw me to the ground and ripped my t-shirt without doing me any harm - I'm pretty good at not fighting even when people are fighting me).

I think I'd probably be a bit less likely to pipe up to criticize a muslim woman than I would any other woman.

In my defence (I don't just pick on women) one on my stupidest moments was jumping out of my car to confront 4 young men in a dark street in a dodgy bit of London who jumped out of their car because they took issue with my driving (and vice versa).

What I am saying is that yes, we no nothing about the man's motices and should not assume that any sexism or racism was at play... but on the other hand I defy anyone who isn't world heavyweight boxing champion or an utter psychopath to promise 100% that they never let the person affect their response to the behaviour.

ilovesooty · 03/05/2021 15:29

@Somerford

I don't care about your sex, race or religion. I'd have been pissed off with you too. Ridiculous expecting everyone else to sit and wait while you faff about, just get out of the way.

Exactly. I'm not sure why @BadLad was really surprised. This is Mumsnet where plenty of people will focus on his perceived sexism or racism rather than the OP being inconsiderate, which she was.

BlackMarauder · 03/05/2021 15:34

Op here come the white women to tell you that your hijab has nothing to do with why an aggressive white man felt comfortable harassing you. They'll say you're overreacting and brought the encounter on yourself. But other minorities know the truth. So take comfort in that.

Annabellerina · 03/05/2021 15:37

I agree with @blackmarauder

ButtonMoony · 03/05/2021 15:40

@BlackMarauder

Rubbish. You think a white man could sit at the tip or petrol station holding everyone up and nobody would say anything?

What planet do you live on?

ilovesooty · 03/05/2021 15:40

He wouldn't have needed to approach her if she'd been considerate in the first place.

I honestly don't think there is sufficient evidence to suggest that she was being harassed because of her religion or sex.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2021 15:42

I think it’s a fair assumption to make. Knocking on a guy’s windscreen and saying “MOVE, now!” may well risk an altercation. Women in general are more complaisant. I can’t see it happening

You can’t be serious? Road rage incidents and men being aggressive to men is way way more common than to women. It happens. It happens every single day. And yes it happens to women too. Many blokes are not just happy to risk an altercation they are actively looking for one.

OrchidLass · 03/05/2021 15:42

@BlackMarauder the OP was rude. The man was rude. I don't see my race as the reason someone will be rude to me. It can be, of course, but I prefer not to make that assumption about someone. He might just have been an arsehole.

picturesandpickles · 03/05/2021 15:44

@BlackMarauder

Op here come the white women to tell you that your hijab has nothing to do with why an aggressive white man felt comfortable harassing you. They'll say you're overreacting and brought the encounter on yourself. But other minorities know the truth. So take comfort in that.

Fully agree in general people wearing a hijab will get more hassle than people not wearing one.

BadLad · 03/05/2021 15:47

Exactly. I'm not sure why @BadLad was really surprised.

My expectations will be set lower in future.

ilovesooty · 03/05/2021 15:49

@BadLad

Exactly. I'm not sure why @BadLad was really surprised.

My expectations will be set lower in future.

I think they'd have to be, considering the turn this discussion has taken.