To want to give my children a private education?

[NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom]

Really need some input to try and persuade my husband!
My three are all quite bright academically and they are all pretty good with music too. Youngest (9) is very sporty as well.

We’ve recently applied for scholarships and bursaries at a local private school and my husband is still very much on the fence about it all.

The two girls (13, 12) have been offered a total of 70% and 75% discount with scholarships and bursaries and the youngest has been offered a total of 55%

I know that my eldest would do well in state school regardless but I think the younger two would absolutely flourish with the smaller class sizes and the sporting facilities on offer.

My husband thinks we’d be better off putting the £15-£20k per year in our pension pots. I’m not currently working but I’m looking for a full time job from September. I’m a teacher so my salary would cover the fees and my mother in law has also offered to contribute £3-£4K a year towards it. His salary is plenty for us to live on comfortably.

DH would like us to sit down with a list of pros and cons for them to attend this school and I’m hoping that mumsnet can help with a list of pros!

Blackbeltintrousers.... I’m not even TALKING about materialism... not here anyway. You are failing to understand what I’m saying. Choosing to focus on my reference to Eton school boys.
I can’t be bothered to debate such an important topic here anymore. Its not worth it.
You’re talking about “ altruism” of parents and “ materialism”.... so judging parents who can afford to bu choose not to use the private ed system ... there’s an over simplification for you right there. I’m sure you’ll get your medal sometime for being one if those parents who sacrifice so much to put theur children’s educatuon first!! That in itself causes SO many issues.
I’m out now.

How can you say that the last two sentences of your post up thread are not a generalisation? Have you met all Old Etonians? Have you ever worked at Eton? Probably not.

May I say, however, that having dealt with a couple of CAMHS MH nurses I was shocked that they looked only for an issue in the home or related to parenting to explain my dd's self harm, anxiety and depression. Had they known that those things were often co-morbidities with a neuro developmental disorder, they might have been able to provide the right help at the right time. Regrettably when dd was diagnosed privately, one of those CAMHS nurses laughed and said. Now, Mrs Hellebores she's far to old to be diagnosed with that. Please forgive me if I am unable to take you very seriously.

Honestly, I wouldn't bother. Having spent all my years in private top noche boarding schools, save the money and pay for tutor/classes. Masters for them etc that will get them ahead.

I’m a child psychologist - with the exception of children in care, I would say that privately educated children (especially when boarding) are the generally the most psychologically unhealthy children I come across.

Agree with Wavymess. To provide and nurture the future generation you need to understand, experience and be aware of people from all walks of life. It will shape them to become empathetic and in tune with the reality of the world. Its not like what it used to be. You need to be politically, socially and culturally much more aware in todays world.

@DrJPuddleDuck

I’m a child psychologist - with the exception of children in care, I would say that privately educated children (especially when boarding) are the generally the most psychologically unhealthy children I come across.

Is that because (some,and I mean SOME), better off parents are more likely to pay attention, sometimes too much, to the mental state of their offspring? I mean, there's always one isn't there? And that's an understatement.

I think opinions on this are interesting but the person canvassed should be completely unbiased, ie:

1.Accepts various reasons for people paying for education for their children and wishes them well; not bothered but realistic about living in the here and now and thinks it is perfectly natural to do whatever is considered best for a child at that time.
2.Strongly supports pressure on the government and changes at the ballot box, regarding more money for state education; lobbies local MP.

@IrmaFayLear

My dcs just did fine at a comprehensive school, but I must admit the extra-curriculars were woeful. Ds was a chess fiend at primary school, nurtured by the head. Ds was doing well in official competitions and enjoyed it. He didn't wish to pursue it manically, as the other kids - and most of all their parents - completely put you off. However, he wanted to carry on playing but at the comp he went to there was no chess club. There weren't any clubs, really. New teachers would start ones occasionally, but they would peter out after half a term.

That's a real shame Irma but it doesn't reflect the entirety of the state system. My children's state comprehensive has numerous clubs running at lunchtime and after school every day. All the usual sports clubs, multiple choirs and instrumental groups, dance, languages, debating, drama, various arts and crafts, an environmental group, Warhammer, Lego League, chess, media club, music technology, and probably more that I don't know about Quite a few of them are run by sixth formers supervised by a teacher and any child in the school can pitch an idea to the head teacher and be awarded a "start up grant" if a new club is deemed appropriate. They also have links with various other local groups who run school specific sessions for things like climbing, sailing and rowing. Obviously Covid has impacted on some of the activities but in more normal times there are lots of opportunities for pupils, whatever their interests. On the other hand one of the thing that most put me off our nearest independent secondary was their after school provision, a lot of which revolved around an army cadets group which was compulsory. I fundamentally object to being told what my children will do in their own time and I didn't want them involved in anything military either. Obviously neither of those schools represent the whole of their respective sectors either, but it shows how important it is to look at the detail of what is actually available at specific schools rather than generally. Class size is the same. Our village primary has smaller class sizes than the local prep for instance, and there's not a lot of difference between our state secondary and some independent schools I know either, yet on threads like these someone always quotes smaller classes as a benefit of private education. It depends so much on where you are and really all anyone can do is weigh up their local options.

Gosh, your comp sounds marvellous!

My children have been to 4 secondary private schools (day ones) and none had compulsory CCF and none of mine chose to do that voluntarily.

I think it is hard to generalise. Coming from a family of psychiatrists and clinical psychologists however I would be reluctant to agree that the 20% of children who go to private school at sixth form level or the 8% below that have more mental health issues. They may have parents rich enough to pay a psychologist or in the know enough to push for free NHS provision but I doubt their mental health is worse.

@mariabwebster What? Where did I day that I sacrifice anything to put my children's education first?! I don't. I'm not saying that I 'sacrifice' lifestyle/luxuries in order to pay school fees - simply that I'm not terribly interested in a 'nice lifestyle' in the first place. I'd be living the same lifestyle regardless of my schooling choices. I was merely trying to point out that it's not as simple as implying that private school parents are materialistic and state school parents aren't (and no, you didn't use the word materialism but you did talk about parents being 'individualistic' and 'raising little consumers'). I agree that it's not good enough to just say 'life's unfair' - but it's also unhelpful and counter-productive IMO to home in on private education as the beacon of 'unfairness' and ignore all the many other forms of unfairness which exist both in education (eg finding god, buying in expensive catchments, private tutoring) or out of it (eg private health care, general wealth inequalities).

@IrmaFayLear

Gosh, your comp sounds marvellous!

I appreciate that we are very fortunate. Both the state primary and secondary schools that my children have attended have been excellent. I doubt we'd have done anything different if we'd won the lottery. Of course with 3 children going through the same schools there have been a few problems over the years as nowhere is perfect but overall we've been very happy. Or more to the point, our children have been/are very happy. I've recently done some volunteering in the secondary school and plan to do so on a more permanent basis in the near future and I've been incredibly impressed by the vast majority of the pupils and staff that I have come into contact with. I wish my school had been something like it, but mine was more like the stereotypical bad comprehensive!

Money is NEVER wasted on education. It sounds like you’re following your instincts not only as a mother but as a Teacher too.

Private schools aren’t just handing out scholarships to anyone just now - with the pandemic people are pulling their kids they need fee paying pupils to survive.
For your children to be offered scholarships with bursaries is a miracle in itself so I wouldn’t waste this golden opportunity for your children.

@diamondsarentagirlsbestfriend I agree. My only fear would be that the bursaries are reduced and op is forced to find the money next year, once all are neatly ensconced. Here I guess the op needs to consider whether that would be viable...