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AIBU?

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Original poster

Losing friends due to who I'm marrying

551 replies

coppafeel · 02/05/2021 15:09

I'm due to marry someone, I hate to use the word 'famous' so I will say someone 'well known' - a D list celeb if you may. We are due to get married in December. Been with him for 2 years and throughout those 2 years I have been lost really good or so I thought, friends.

He is very controversial figure and so many of my friends have opinions about his views and can't even tolerate him for me. I'm at a loss of what to do, my friends were my life and were there for me through all the bad times but they have turned on me since meeting my partner. I can't just not be with the man I love because of their views but I don't understand why they cannot separate his views from me.

What can I do here?

OP posts:
CanICelebrate · 02/05/2021 16:15

@Rosehip10

Is he from a more middle class background than you OP?

How is that relevant to the thread and OP’s comments so far?

Thewinterofdiscontent · 02/05/2021 16:16

@osbertthesyrianhamster

I'd dump you, too. You're known by the company you keep.
I’ve found the best sort of people can be friends with anyone and everyone. From their neighbours to having old friends to being able to chat to the barman. The worst sorts always have cliquey echo chambers.
Merryoldgoat · 02/05/2021 16:16

@coppafeel

Mainly about race and how Covid has been managed by the government. I can't really say much more than that. However, he is not racist I can categorically say that.
Wtf is a controversial opinion about race that definitely isn’t racist?

I’m pretty left wing. I’m heading out tonight with two mates who are conservative voters. Different opinions are fine.

This sounds like more than that and I suspect you’re in denial about his opinions.

debwong · 02/05/2021 16:16

@Wastedusername

Are your friends left wing and his views right wing? Because I have found the Left remarkable for its lack of tolerance and diversity. I'm politically homeless as I just can't align myself to such intolerance any more. Quite common on dating apps to find people saying ' If you voted Brexit we won't get on' . Never seen a Brexiteer say the same thing about a remainer!
This is very true. I blame social media partly for allowing people to exist in bubbles where they only hear reinforcement of their existing views.
pigsDOfly · 02/05/2021 16:16

Understandable that friends will distance themselves from you if his opinions are unacceptable to them.

I have a close family member who's husband doesn't agree with BLM, he is also very anti mask, anti vaccine, anti anyone who, in his opinion, is too liberal and so on, and so on. Taken all round he's pretty much a 'hang 'em and flog 'em' type, and no he isn't old, he's just passed his mid 40s.

The family member who is married to him, also, like OP, was pretty much non political when they married but she's now become his echo chamber and agrees with everything he says.

I can't stand him and his opinions, and frankly, find it the very difficult to listen to when the close family member starts spouting the same sort of rubbish.

I know she's just taken her views from him, and in all honesty I now find it her really hard to have any sort of conversation with her.

I can understand why you're losing friends.

balloonsandboobies · 02/05/2021 16:17

@BrumBoo

As a complete side note, I've only recently found out that Laurence Fox's brother in law is none other than Richard Ayoade. I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall of the big family meet-ups.....
Well I did not know that! There are practically no actors / celebs I would like to meet in real life, but I would love to go for a pint with him!
lap90 · 02/05/2021 16:18

Like you said, he's controversial.

It's understandable your friends may not tolerate his comments tbh.

I guess you may be considered guilty by association and all that.

Best to just move on and find friends of a similar tribe to your husband to be.

BrumBoo · 02/05/2021 16:20

@balloonsandboobies, me too. He's so clever and interesting, and bloody hilarious to boot. My 5 year old would love to meet him as well (he loves Apple and Onion!).

Merryoldgoat · 02/05/2021 16:20

I’ve found the best sort of people can be friends with anyone and everyone. From their neighbours to having old friends to being able to chat to the barman. The worst sorts always have cliquey echo chambers.

This is rubbish. Being affable and able to find common ground with many is a great quality. Ignoring significant defects like racism, sexism, misogyny etc is amoral.

SmileyClare · 02/05/2021 16:22

@Beetlewing

The trouble with strong political views is that they are an indicator of a persons personality. Basically if their political views are cuntish....Then they are likely to be a cunt.
If he's a bigot with a stubborn intolerance to any belief, opinion or creed different to his own then yes, unfortunately you're marrying a cunt.
1Morewineplease · 02/05/2021 16:23

That's exactly what I was thinking @Ivebeeninlockdowntoolong

Floralnomad · 02/05/2021 16:23

They can’t separate his views from you because they have a brain and their brain tells them that to love him you at least tolerate his views if not agree with them . The fact that you are too stupid to have your own views would probably be enough for me to dump you as a friend , let alone the company you keep .

chaosrabbitland · 02/05/2021 16:24

laurence fox seems to be getting mentioned a lot lol ! i really like him and dont see what the big problem is with his views ,

Rosehip10 · 02/05/2021 16:25

@chaosrabbitland Hi Laurence...

ChunkyBird · 02/05/2021 16:25

Roy Chubby Brown SmileSmileGrinGrin

romdowa · 02/05/2021 16:26

Chances are you'll marry him anyway no matter how many friends you loose ! Hopefully you'll at least see sense in the years to come! Good luck with it op

GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish · 02/05/2021 16:26

Get some new friends that suit you

toocold54 · 02/05/2021 16:26

I had a friend in a similar situation (not dating someone famous) who was dating someone who was a bit of a dick and she lost lots of friends over it. They got married and 2 years later she saw him for what he is and wanted to leave but without friends and family she found it really difficult to do.

You are free to love who you want, just remember that you make your own bed so don’t expect them to all come back if it does go wrong.

Tambora · 02/05/2021 16:26

D-list eh?

There is usually a reason why that's as far as they got.

balloonsandboobies · 02/05/2021 16:27

@chaosrabbitland

laurence fox seems to be getting mentioned a lot lol ! i really like him and dont see what the big problem is with his views ,
Really? You and the OP will get on brilliantly then and it looks like she needs some new pals.
jb7445 · 02/05/2021 16:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

chaosrabbitland · 02/05/2021 16:28

[quote Rosehip10]@chaosrabbitland Hi Laurence...[/quote]
lol . i swear its only me a humble soon to be 49 year old woman here , i bet hes too busy doing other stuff to be browsing mumsnet

Viviennemary · 02/05/2021 16:29

Jeremy Corbyns brother. He has some unusual views. Don't know about a D list celeb though.

jb7445 · 02/05/2021 16:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HoulYerWheesht · 02/05/2021 16:30

Aaaallll my money is on that he is racist, homophobic, misogynistic and everything else. If you my friend I’d be taking a major step back too and would be worrying that you have been secretly harbouring the same views.

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