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AIBU?

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Original poster

Losing friends due to who I'm marrying

551 replies

coppafeel · 02/05/2021 15:09

I'm due to marry someone, I hate to use the word 'famous' so I will say someone 'well known' - a D list celeb if you may. We are due to get married in December. Been with him for 2 years and throughout those 2 years I have been lost really good or so I thought, friends.

He is very controversial figure and so many of my friends have opinions about his views and can't even tolerate him for me. I'm at a loss of what to do, my friends were my life and were there for me through all the bad times but they have turned on me since meeting my partner. I can't just not be with the man I love because of their views but I don't understand why they cannot separate his views from me.

What can I do here?

OP posts:
millenialblush · 02/05/2021 16:30

I reckon Lawrence Fox.

Thatwentbadly · 02/05/2021 16:31

@coppafeel

Mainly about race and how Covid has been managed by the government. I can't really say much more than that. However, he is not racist I can categorically say that.
What am exactly are these differing but non racist views?
PiccalilliChilli · 02/05/2021 16:31

Lose mates for a man? A possible racist too? Nah. Dump the man, grovel to your mates. I don't think your marriage has "legs".

My husband has developed some very right wing views over the past few years and I "reassessing" my future life with him. I'm an idealistic lefty. Politics is a huge part of one's values. If your values are far apart it will not last.

Roussette · 02/05/2021 16:31

i really like him and dont see what the big problem is with his views

Really? Or are you just winding us up.

Apart from being an out and out racist, he is actually pretty ignorant too.

His manifesto for Mayor is actually a joke. And even Equity, the Actors' union, called him a disgrace!

HoulYerWheesht · 02/05/2021 16:31

@chaosrabbitland

laurence fox seems to be getting mentioned a lot lol ! i really like him and dont see what the big problem is with his views ,
I feel a bit embarrassed for you.... Blush
Freecuthbert · 02/05/2021 16:32

My immediate thought was Laurence Fox too, but not sure if the timelines match up as he got dumped for his views not so long ago I thought...

But still, controversial views about race but not racist? OP, can you seriously not see the problem with that? Hmm

ElphabaTWitch · 02/05/2021 16:33

I’ll come to the wedding op. I’ve had a new dress for ages with matching shoes and nowhere to wear it.

MusicMenu · 02/05/2021 16:33

It's odd but usually a hint of celebrity has people coming out of the woodwork, not disappearing. He must be really odious. Presumably these are friends you've liked and respected for a long time. Why do you think they are so wrong on this one?

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 02/05/2021 16:34

@BrumBoo

Sorry, not sure what being a Zeleb has to do with this. If your partner has harmful views then of course people aren't going to like him.

Is it Lawrence Fox? Or some similar 'I'll say anything for attention' type?

He’s really lost the plot lately hasn’t he.
Flowers500 · 02/05/2021 16:34

If I were your friend, from the sound of your situation I would not only (a) no longer want to be associated with you but also (b) totally lose respect for you. I’d think either you’re a racist too, or else (to be very frank) as dense as a brick. Like if you can’t even be bothered to understand the basics of what someone you’re planning to tether yourself to thinks, then I would question if you should have the capacity to get married.

Hard to tell which is worse really. Either way the idea of continuing a friendship would be laughable.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/05/2021 16:34

Yeah, right Hmm

HaggisBurger · 02/05/2021 16:34

@Grumblesigh

I'm not very politically minded so his views go over my head

Christ on a bike. Really?

This.

I mean maybe you should address your mind to the content of his views. Someone’s politics aren’t a self contained part of themselves you know. They pertain to every aspect of who they are and how they treat and view other people ..,

So maybe consider are your friends are falling away because they have given thought to their political views. And you have this strange apathy.

Tuesdaysintheazores · 02/05/2021 16:34

Is it Jim Davidson?

OP if your friends don't like him and he has 'controversial views' then you have a lifetime of this ahead of you, so might as well get used to it

sergeilavrov · 02/05/2021 16:35

Fox is casually dating, so unlikely to be him. Feel sorry for the poor women who don't realise who he is and what he represents until they meet.

Mimih · 02/05/2021 16:35

If they are really your friends then they’d put their feelings aside and still maintain a friendship with you. They don’t have to speak to him or go out with him and your partner and your friends don’t need to be involved in each other’s lives. You can still have friends without them being so involved with one another.

Roussette · 02/05/2021 16:36

I find it weird. As PPs have said.. his views are him. How you can just discount them, I don't know. Because his views will set the tone for your marriage.

mumieone · 02/05/2021 16:37

@ tecatea OMG Piers Morgan hahaha. How the hell did that guy manage to pull anything let alone a women he is just plain vile and horrid. Nasty piece!

Bitofanexpert · 02/05/2021 16:37

Silly place to ask for a wide scope of opinions OP- unless you are marrying someone who only has left wing and ‘woke’ opinions then you will be told to throw him in the bin. If he isn’t these things then he will be an instant racist/ misogynist/ bigot by default- take your pick.

Worried234 · 02/05/2021 16:38

@coppafeel

It was in relation to the BLM movement, he had differing opinions on that situation but he is not racist, he just didn't agree with it.
For fucks sake.

Listen to your friends.

1forAll74 · 02/05/2021 16:39

If most of your friends have this bad view of your soon to be Husband, then this is a good indicator to how most people will feel about a controversial person,who is unpopular, and do not wish to associate with him. Most people would take this view, and perhaps worry about you, having to deal with a person like this.

Bitofanexpert · 02/05/2021 16:40

And for what it’s worth- OP I couldn’t care less about my DH’s political leanings either. I can’t think of anything more tedious than discussing this with him or anybody. As long as he treats everyone around him with respect, treats us and the kids well and is a decent human being then I couldn’t care less.

Lelophants · 02/05/2021 16:40

@coppafeel

I wouldn't say his views are abhorrent, but they are strong political views on the complete opposite end of the political spectrum than what my friends are. I'm not very politically minded so his views go over my head and if they were vile they would not. They just have different views but somehow I am being vilified for them. Also no he doesn't say them to be controversial they are just his opinions, however, has received a lot of backlash for them.
How can they just go over your head? Confused isn't he your life partner? sounds like his celebrity status does have something to do with it after all (sorry!)

Either your friends aren't really your friends or if you do love them, maybe listen to them...

chaosrabbitland · 02/05/2021 16:40

@Roussette

i really like him and dont see what the big problem is with his views

Really? Or are you just winding us up.

Apart from being an out and out racist, he is actually pretty ignorant too.

His manifesto for Mayor is actually a joke. And even Equity, the Actors' union, called him a disgrace!

no he doesnt believe in all this woke bullshit that seems to now govern our whole society and he says what he thinks and doesnt worry if its pissing off said woke people , its only your view that hes a racist , i dont believe he is one , people like him will always be unpopular because they speak the truth , something which in our society is sadly lacking these days .
Worried234 · 02/05/2021 16:40

@chaosrabbitland

laurence fox seems to be getting mentioned a lot lol ! i really like him and dont see what the big problem is with his views ,
God Almighty.

If you "can't see the problem" with LF's views, you need to have a word with yourself.

accentdusoleil · 02/05/2021 16:41

Ant Middleton

How do you know he's not racist? : has he got black friends Or does he start his sentences "I'm not being racist but.... "

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