Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be so cross about this?

378 replies

Tiredandcross · 02/05/2021 06:46

Have nc'd as outing but regular, long time poster....sistene screamer, penis beaker, Spanish gran etc

Had a huge row with dp last night. I do all...and I mean all....the housework we both work full time. I have not been happy for sometime and have made it very clear he needs to start helping but nothing going.

Three weeks ago I had day surgery. It was minor but can take months to recover. I had 2 weeks off work and spent the first week asleep on the sofa most of the day but was still expected to do dinner etc etc. Back to work last week and yesterday was totally exhausted.

I am menopausal, disturbed by the dogs the night before, and dp snoring. So was also not very friendly to anyone...not rude but not chatty.

He was really off with me during dinner. It was late as I was tired, and had not got my act together very well.

However we always eat at 9 because he likes to game with his mates until then. Last night he had a go as apparently I don't care and spend more time doing stuff for my kids as dinner is getting later and later.

I pointed out that I finish work at 5.30 and by the time I have walked the dogs and got the kids dinner it is 7pm. Then I like to speak to my parents every evening, they are in their 80's and I have seen them once in the last year as they are some distance from me. I also have laundry and housework to do and assist my dc with asd with personal care and school work. So yeah sometimes dinner is late.

He told me I don't care and when I started to get frustrated and upset apparently this meant I knew he was right. I told him no, I'm upset because he is wrong and wasn't letting me talk at which point he told me to stop raising my voice.

I was so upset. I pointed out that I had surgery 3 weeks ago and having been back at work last week am really tired. Not sleeping well either which doesn't help. I pointed out that when he gets in from work he games. I do everything else.

He wouldn't let me talk and I ended up shouting "what did your last servant die of" as I got so frustrated. I shouldn't have shouted but at that point I had had enough.

So now he is sulking as I don't care enough to feed him on time, I never feel like having sex (I'm exhausted and can't just switch it on!) , and shouted at him when he asked me not to (I did ask him at this point to write down how he would like me to behave in future so I don't forget)

I have woken up this morning really upset about the whole thing. Is that all he sees me as? A cook and someone to have sex with? Aibu to feel like this or was I wrong?

OP posts:
3Britnee · 02/05/2021 07:28

@DinosaurDiana

I can’t see why you are still with him to be honest.
This.

I'd have shouted something a lot worse at the lazy cunt.

Do one last thing for him. Pack his fucking bags.

awesomekillick · 02/05/2021 07:34

That is unbelievable- what an absolute shit. He'd be out of my house, I can tell you. How dare he? Why do women put up with these tosspots? He's lazy, selfish, thoughtless, bullying and just fucking vile. Grrr I'm raging for you OP; find your anger and kick the lazy bugger out.

PoppyFleur · 02/05/2021 07:35

Words fail me.

What has happened in your life for you to believe you deserve so little from the man you share a bed with?

Strangers on the internet are showing more compassion for your situation than your DP. He is awful.

Xiaoxiong · 02/05/2021 07:36

Get rid today. Make this the last bad atmosphere you ever have to endure. You deserve so much better than this lazy entitled cocklodger!!

fluffygreenmonsterhoody · 02/05/2021 07:39

Your children will thank you when he’s gone. Flowers

IggyAce · 02/05/2021 07:42

Call a friend and then kick him out, he can leave today and then he will have a reason to sulk.

lockdownalli · 02/05/2021 07:44

@DorisLessingsCat

I honestly cheered when I saw that it is your house and he's not the father of your children. Makes it so much easier to ask him to leave.

He needs to go. You know that, right?

Christ yes!!

Your poor kids!!!! Boot him out.

Taikoo · 02/05/2021 07:44

Kick him out.
End of.

TheJackieWeaver · 02/05/2021 07:46

Wtf? Not looking after you after the surgery isn’t the problem here; the problem is that he is a prize twat. If he has any redeeming features, tell him from now on there is one meal at 7pm, or he sorts his own. Then discuss who is doing which chores from now on. Equal free time.

If he’s as lacking in qualities as he seems to be, show him where the door is.

violetbunny · 02/05/2021 07:47

What does he actually contribute to your life?

skodadoda · 02/05/2021 07:50

(I did ask him at this point to write down how he would like me to behave in future so I don't forget)

WTAF! He treats you appallingly and you’re saying this to him! I’ve never said this before but you really need to consider LTB.

Orangebug · 02/05/2021 07:50

This would be bad enough if you hadn't recently had surgery, but the fact that you have makes him cruel IMO, rather than just a lazy misogynistic arsehole.

I'm angry on your behalf OP Angry

Sparkletastic · 02/05/2021 07:51

Would he move out for a while if you tell him to? Then see if you miss him or feel happier without him? I strongly suspect the latter.

Sexnotgender · 02/05/2021 07:57

He’s going to wake up in the huff and cause an atmosphere, he knows this will cause you to apologise and be “better”. It’s a manipulative tactic used by abusers.

This idiot needs to leave your house ASAP. Raise your bar. Stop subjecting your kids to this shit human being.

kandikandi · 02/05/2021 08:00

What a convenient relationship for him! I have no idea what you get out of it. Definitely not companionship, practical or emotional support.

It is your house and he is so ungrateful for all you do and all you are to him. I am not sure I can hear anything positive about him.

What stops you from ending the relationship? Is it the fear of loneliness? Looking after a DC with ASD is hard on your own but to be honest he's adding to your workload rather than making it bearable.

I'd ask him to leave. Immediately. Change the locks immediately afterwards. Sulky men can be petty.

sapnupuas · 02/05/2021 08:01

Kick him the fuck out. He is just adding more to your load.

WeatherwaxLives · 02/05/2021 08:04

So you're not married, it's your house, and the kids aren't his?

Fantastic news. Kick the arse out.

If you don't want to go nuclear right off the bat then cook for everyone at 7, eat with the kids and he can either join you or microwave his at whatever time his highness deems appropriate.

Ffs if you're doing his laundry etc then stop! And tell him you won't be doing x y z and they're now his chores. And mean it.

Tell him he can either shape up or ship out, and don't back down and apologise just because he's wandering around like a black cloud of doom trying to train you to do as he wants.

Sexnotgender · 02/05/2021 08:04

@kandikandi

What a convenient relationship for him! I have no idea what you get out of it. Definitely not companionship, practical or emotional support.

It is your house and he is so ungrateful for all you do and all you are to him. I am not sure I can hear anything positive about him.

What stops you from ending the relationship? Is it the fear of loneliness? Looking after a DC with ASD is hard on your own but to be honest he's adding to your workload rather than making it bearable.

I'd ask him to leave. Immediately. Change the locks immediately afterwards. Sulky men can be petty.

My life became infinitely easier as a single parent than it was looking after a sulky man child too.
junebirthdaygirl · 02/05/2021 08:05

If l had surgery l wouldn't dream of cooking dinner for at least a week and that is for people who actually appreciate me. I would stay upstairs and have them all running up and down. They wouldn't complain as would know l needed rest.
He is a horrible man. How dare he treat you like this.

Voomster953 · 02/05/2021 08:06

Kick him out. Then you won’t have a layabout demanding twat shouting at you for not ‘feeding him’ on time, while you run around doing literally everything else and he plays games. He sounds pathetic and deeply unattractive. (He actually moaned you spent time on feeding your children?!)

Thank god the house is yours alone.

ginandvomit · 02/05/2021 08:07

He doesn't sound very caring and why is it your job to look after him and your children when you both work and he gets to spend his evening doing as he pleases? For starters I'd be simplifying my evening by only preparing one meal and eating with the kids at 7. Then you should either be taking it in turns to cook this meal or otherwise split other household tasks evenly. The days of men not pulling their weight in a household are over in my eyes.

steppemum · 02/05/2021 08:08

I know mn is quick to say LTB, but I think you need to go for a walk and think.

  1. Why am I with him? What joy and happiness does this relationship bring me? What are the reasons I fell for him, and are any of those still there or still relevant?
  2. What does he pay towards your house? Because at the moment he sounds like he is living rent-free, gets all his meals provided and sex too. He is getting a great free ride.
  3. Why oh why are you cooking twice? So at 7 pm, your kids eat. Why aren't you sitting down as a family at 7 pm and eating together? Sod his gaming, why does his need to game mean that you have to cook twice? Prepare one meal. Sit down around the table and eat together. If he doesn't like it, he either cooks for himself, or shoves his plate in the microwave. I do wonder if he doesn't like to sit and eat with the kids. If so, what does that tell you about him and the way he is integrated into your family?

Time for a whole life re-evaluation. If you do have reasons why you want to keep him (I'm struggling to see them, but this is your life not mine) then he needs to start pulling his weight.

ginandvomit · 02/05/2021 08:11

Sorry I've just read your DC is not his and he also moved into your house. He's taking the absolute piss.

Jobsharenightmare · 02/05/2021 08:11

OP in a nice way you need help. Something has gone badly wrong here for you to accept this kind of treatment in your own home from this man. End this relationship today and get some therapy to make sure this never happens to you again.

SMabbutt · 02/05/2021 08:14

So you do all the shopping and cooking which provides food for him. You do all the laundry which provides him with clean clothes and all the cleaning which provides him with a nice home environment. You also work full time and take on all the cbildcare responsibility. He meaniwhile gets himself dressed, gies to work, has fun playing games for hours every night but has the gall to ask what your last servant died of! You could wright a list of all the things you do and next to it wright the stuff he does to show how ridiculous he is, the let rip and tell him he's a lazy selfish idiot. If he thinks he's been pulling his weight and being treated like a servant he's deluded but the easy solution is to get out and find his own place. Then he can lose all the tasks he does for you and take on all the stuff you do which benefits him. You know this will have no detrimental impact on your workload but will definitely leave him with less free time unless he lives in a pigsty and survives on takeaways. Then kick him out and let him face up to what an idiot he's been.

Swipe left for the next trending thread