To give a stranger £20

[alliejay81]

I was leaving the supermarket 30 minutes ago when I was approached by a man. He told me he had been following his Dad - who was in an ambulance having had a heart attack - when he ran out of petrol. We went round the houses a bit, the story didn't entirely make sense, but it became clear he didn't have any cash or cards on him. He then started asking where I lived before asking if he could borrow some cash. In the end, I gave him £20, for two reasons:

1. if he was genuine (and I wasn't convinced he was) then I'd helped him out
2. he was quite a big burly bloke and the car park was quiet and I felt a little intimidated

I came home and DH and his mate (in the garden, covid compliant) think I was definitely conned and should phone the non-emergency police line.

Was I being unreasonable to give him £20 and would I be unreasonable not to call the non-emergency police line (I just want to move on)?

Almost certainly a scam. Sad as that is, because like you OP I like to believe in the goodness of people. However, I’ve lived in a not-so-nice area for a while and it doesn’t half harden you up. I’ve had a woman follow me to my car in a local supermarket (she “needed” cash for taxi to a hospital appointment because “I’m pregnant”. At 8pm on a Friday and funnily enough she was spinning the same line a year later, which means she’s got the gestation period of an elephant). I’ve also had people ask for money for a hostel, when I know the hostels and night shelters around here don’t charge. There’s also been an issue locally with a woman banging on doors and asking for money for a cab to the hospital to see her sick son. Turn her down and she becomes abusive. She’s got a string of convictions for aggressive begging as long as my arm.

Sadly most of them are addicts, even if they don’t look it. I will still often give shrapnel from my pocket to some beggars - you don’t stop being an addict because you don’t have any money - but I absolutely will not give to the aggressive ones. If nothing else, if just reinforces the idea that this is how you get your money and it’s not fair on the next person they target who is alone, in a dark, deserted car park.

For those saying “Where’s your humanity, be a Good Samaritan”, it’s fairly easy to tell the scammers from those desperately in need. Offer help other than cash and see what their reaction is.

Was flagged down on a slip road of the M62 by an ingratiating man with a 'cock and bull' story about having run out of petrol etc. etc.. I gave him ten pounds.
Six months later - same place, same man, same story. Told him to get back in his car and fuck off pronto, or I would ring the police. He did.

@Doris86

This was a fairly regular occurrence at the car park I used to park at for work. A sob story about how they needed £20 to urgently get somewhere. I got approached by the same person on several different days with the same story. 100% scam.

Similar here. They hang around main railway / bus stations and just need the fare to somewhere.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I've said it on threads before. I sooooooo want to make a begging thread and the publish how much people offered. Don't want to get banned tho😂

Me too!

It's actually frightening the amount of Mumsnetters who will part with their cash both online and in public, due to a sob story.

In nearly all RL cases offering to ring a family member or 101 is far better than giving cash and giving cash to randoms online, is never a good idea.

It makes me worry what they teach their kids to be honest. I certainly wouldn't fancy their chances walking round a shopping centre with their birthday money.

Actually this had resonace with me as I was stopped by a young man about 15 years ago. He was very much upfront with me about his problem and I spoke to him and gave him £20 but he had said that would be directly for heroin. It's not easy to get out of addiction and it's not as unethical as you might think. It's a medical problem if you have rewired your brain but at the same time means you should step away

This is a constant where I live at both nearby stations and outside the local Tescos. Security ignore it, I doubt the police do much more than just move them on. Say you don't have any money and they instantly lose interest and look for the next person to approach.

I remember an article by a mother whos son was drug addict beggar. She explained that while we think they are at the rock bottom, they aren't. It's actually the money providing drugs keeping them iff that rock bottom. As long as they are there there is no need to get help, if you see what I mean. It was so eye opening and sad

@Muchmorethan

He may have been genuine, in which case that £20 would have helped him so much.

He may not have been genuine, in which case that £20 enabled you to get away from a intimidating and potentially lethal situation, safely.

So a win win really.

Exactly this! You don't know his next move. You did exactly the right thing. In my case, I don't carry cash so that would have been the issue.

You were probably conned but hey we live and learn and probably will be a bit more wary next time. I think I am so clever, never fall for tricks eh! Well I have been and get really annoyed about tending to dwell a bit but it’s life. I have found this past year under covid with not having any cash ever on me much easier as I really have no money!

In this particular case it was worth £20 to ensure safety.

Tip for everyone: keep a £5 note in a pocket or somewhere separate from your purse so that you have something to make potential danger go away.

Tip for everyone: keep a £5 note in a pocket or somewhere separate from your purse so that you have something to make potential danger go away.

Absolutely not! I’m not going to the effort of keeping cash about me at all times so that someone can swindle it out of me. Just say you haven’t got any cash, that’s all they want and they’ll leave you alone soon enough once you repeat that at them enough. They’ll want to find someone else who might, if nothing else.

I always think that if there's a chance they are genuine then I'd rather help, the loss to me of the money, if I am conned, is less than the potential benefit to them if they are genuine. Either way if someone is resorting to panhandling outside a supermarket then their life probably isn't great and so if I can help I will

Tip for everyone: keep a £5 note in a pocket or somewhere separate from your purse so that you have something to make potential danger go away.

Or just plead poverty for a 5 quid saving

Either way if someone is resorting to panhandling outside a supermarket then their life probably isn't great and so if I can help I will

Ypu would think that but it's not always the case

You’ve just put some good into the world - ignore the horrid comments please.
In a split second you made a decision, I likely would of done the same too. So what if I scammed £20? At least I know I’m a good person!

Tip for everyone: keep a £5 note in a pocket or somewhere separate from your purse so that you have something to make potential danger go away. what an absolutely stupid idea. There is no way on this earth I’m going to carry an emergency conman cash stash around with me. I don’t carry cash. That’s all I need to say, and if they get intimidating then that’s on them, not me.

People certainly aren’t responsible for ensuring that they’re not intimidated/attacked by the local lowlife/drug addicts.

And I’m sorry but I take issue with the whole “you have a kind heart and rather do a nice thing and be conned than turn down someone in need,” attitude. What a sure way to let con merchants profit. They know there will always be some kind of sucker out there so they continue their trade.

Any decent person won’t beg on the streets because any decent person will have seen it all before in terms of how easily it is to scam people.

There is good and then there is gullible... Sorry some pps

I was conned once in a similar situation, and I really thought the person was genuine. Felt so stupid!

On FB local page I saw he'd been conning elderly ladies by targeting them in hospital car parks with the same story he gave me so I contacted the police and gave my account of what happened.

They caught him and he admitted to conning me and actually passed on an apology. I hope he got the help he needed.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I remember an article by a mother whos son was drug addict beggar. She explained that while we think they are at the rock bottom, they aren't. It's actually the money providing drugs keeping them iff that rock bottom. As long as they are there there is no need to get help, if you see what I mean. It was so eye opening and sad

Definitely. My brother in law would con people out of 20 quid all day long. I never give money in situations like this now I've seen the other side. (intimidation is different, I can see why people give money when they feel uncertain or intimidated)

Some of people my town who haven't got money to get home, I don't know why they keep coming to town as they struggle to get back every single day.

Yep was a con.

I remember years ago when I lived in South London there was a woman who did this in Sainsbury's carpark. She only asked for a pound and she wasnt rude or aggressive so I'd just give her it to make her go away, I couldnt bear the sick child/ parent/ dog story.

There was an aggressive man that did it for a while at my local Rewe supermarket here in Germany. I noticed he only asked women so I was always pretty aggressive in seeing him off. Once he tapped my car window. So I pretended to call the police loudly, he scarpered. I haven't seen him for a couple of months, I hope he's okay but he was a real nuisance.

There was also a rash of "forriners" of which I am one I mention it because my usual tactic of "leider ich sprech kein Deutsch" didnt work and they'd start to gab on in English and try to engage me about being an immigrant. They wanted money for sick children in Iran or Pakistan or somewhere. No charity ID. Again, only approaching women who were wrangling children and shopping. These types definitely single out who they think they can con or intimidate. I told the 'charity' men that they should respect the social norms of our new home and not approach lone women for money, that it could be seen as a crime.